Like, ya know, whatever

[Laura Squirrel]

Sounds like a good solution to me. A good power nap solves many problems. Maybe not all of them but things will look rosier in the morning I'm sure.

It really doesn't do much more than get rid of a headache if I have one. I hate waking up most days, to be honest.

[Stottie Girl]

Well I for one am glad you do Laura! I look forward to your enthusistic if often baffling entries in your blog!🤣😁

I know it's tough but it's the cards we were dealt. You cannot change the fact you are trans I hope you can come to embrace it and see it for the gift that it really is.

[Laura Squirrel]

Well I for one am glad you do Laura! I look forward to your enthusistic if often baffling entries in your blog!🤣😁

I know it's tough but it's the cards we were dealt. You cannot change the fact you are trans I hope you can come to embrace it and see it for the gift that it really is.

Okay.

1. Thank you for getting me to laugh with that first point. Hell, my friend has said similar things to me. So, you're in good company.

2. If the government didn't have a bullseye on us, that would alleviate a lot of this. But when you are in a group that is being targeted for extermination, it can bring you down just a tad, ya know?

[Laura Squirrel]

Since Stottie Girl mentioned a good nap, I have to showcase the thing that REALLY helps. My homegirl, Portia Porcupine. I've already talked about the time when she (and Dotty Dog) showed up in this here domicile. She is a massive help when it comes to relaxing. Just snuggle up and breathe. Seriously. Part of it is reclaiming at least a little something from a girlhood that I was robbed of. The other part is that she was always something that made me happy growing up. That's why I have such a strong connection with this character, writing the fanfiction stuff, etc. She's just the best.

[Stottie Girl]

Aw cute!

When you look at the bigger picture it can make us very angry, victimised, scared even. But I think the reality on the ground is what we should pay more attention to. How are our neighbours treating us? friends? family? Can I go about my day without getting personally attacked etc etc. This is the stuff that actually matters. The bigger stuff, well that needs sorting too but it needs to be compartmentalised as there is only so much you can do about that, to a large extent it is out of our individual control. The other stuff well, you can take control of that, you can move home, find new friends and family etc.

I realise I'm a fine one to talk! I'm so afraid of the world seeing the real me I shut myself away in a closet but I know the theory at least lol!

[Laura Squirrel]

How are our neighbours treating us? friends? family? Can I go about my day without getting personally attacked etc etc. This is the stuff that actually matters. The bigger stuff, well that needs sorting too but it needs to be compartmentalised as there is only so much you can do about that, to a large extent it is out of our individual control. The other stuff well, you can take control of that, you can move home, find new friends and family etc.

My neighbors don't bother me.

Friends? What's that?

Family can be cool or incredibly aggravating depending on who I am dealing with.

Sure, I doubt that I am going to get jumped if I go out and about around here. But I don't go out anyway. This place is about as interesting as a hemorrhoid. PLUS, if there isn't a restroom nearby, I'm in trouble. My bladder is the size of a pea.

I can't move. That's the problem. I am too broke to save up money and our healthcare system in this country sucks.

The only way I can find people to hang out with is to get the hell out of here and as I said in the previous point, I can't move due to those issues.

The entire point of these posts has been this: I DON'T have the autonomy that some people seem to think that I do. If I did, I wouldn't be where I am and I wouldn't be making these posts.

[Stottie Girl]

My neighbors don't bother me.

Friends? What's that?

Family can be cool or incredibly aggravating depending on who I am dealing with.

Sure, I doubt that I am going to get jumped if I go out and about around here. But I don't go out anyway. This place is about as interesting as a hemorrhoid. PLUS, if there isn't a restroom nearby, I'm in trouble. My bladder is the size of a pea.

I can't move. That's the problem. I am too broke to save up money and our healthcare system in this country sucks.

The only way I can find people to hang out with is to get the hell out of here and as I said in the previous point, I can't move due to those issues.

The entire point of these posts has been this: I DON'T have the autonomy that some people seem to think that I do. If I did, I wouldn't be where I am and I wouldn't be making these posts.

I'm sure you've seen me moaning about not having any friends either Laura. It's a shame there is an ocean between us I would have been happy to be a face to face friend with you. I am sure there are others like me who would love to have you as a friend though. Admittedly, I've not been very good at finding them at my end but I hope that will change when I am not hiding anymore.

You have decent neighbours and family that are at least sometimes cool! You feel safe. That's not a terrible place to find yourself, it could definitely be worse. Okay, you find where you are a little boring but if you can't move and have no friends then what about solo travel as a way to experience a little adventure? Other places have loos you know (or a bush if you are desperate lol!)

[Laura Squirrel]

I'm sure you've seen me moaning about not having any friends either Laura. It's a shame there is an ocean between us I would have been happy to be a face to face friend with you. I am sure there are others like me who would love to have you as a friend though. Admittedly, I've not been very good at finding them at my end but I hope that will change when I am not hiding anymore.

You have decent neighbours and family that are at least sometimes cool! You feel safe. That's not a terrible place to find yourself, it could definitely be worse. Okay, you find where you are a little boring but if you can't move and have no friends then what about solo travel as a way to experience a little adventure? Other places have loos you know (or a bush if you are desperate lol!)

Well, ya know, that's cool and all. I get where you're coming from. But, as I told my brother more than once in the last year and a half, when I go to my friend's place, I feel so much more at home. My friend has seen firsthand how I light up and come alive when I am out there. I can actually hold conversations with people, rather than just some dumb small talk with a neighbor that I couldn't care less about.

I'm sick of being around people that I don't have a true connection with. It really sucks, ya know? It just feels like my life was wasted, and I know I don't have much time left. It just feels so pointless. Sure, I have my more positive moments. But those never last. I'm just sick of feeling like I just exist, and, truthfully, I wish I never existed at all.

Yeah, it's all depressing. But I can't sit here and lie, ya know? I don't want to be depressed. Depression sucks. It saps away any will to do anything. (Hell, haven't I used those exact words in another post?) If it wasn't for intoxicants, I would've already said "I'm done".

[Laura Squirrel]

[Stottie Girl]

I've had my own battles with depression so I know where you are coming from Laura. I don't think it is healthy to sit here and lie, you should get it out there. My last big bout of depression came before I joined Susans place and back then, writing everything down in a physical journal was what helped me the most. If I get full on depression now I will probably also use my blog on here (Sorry y'all!) to download, vent, cry etc

I lost my business, then lost two jobs in a row through anxiety and panic attacks. Each time I failed, it triggered deep depression but it was only last winter that a therapist persuaded me to keep a journal of my thoughts and that helped hugely. The blog is an extension of that. So write away.

Feeling regret and feeling like we are running out of time is so common and relateable I would think to most of us on here but truth be told none of us knows how long we have left so really, you have sooo much time to live the next half of your life just as you want it. If your current life is not right then analyse what it would take to correct it and work towards it. Time is on your side in reality.

Anyway, I'm probably just waffling on here. I don't have the answers but that's just my two cents.

[Laura Squirrel]

A track that I made as a tribute to Steve O'D (Exit-13, Pica) when he passed away. I think I did a decent job of capturing the same vibe as certain Pica tracks. The title is a mash-up of "The Green Square" and "The Price Of Fear".

[Laura Squirrel]

Dot Warner's reaction to the "Bad Jokes & Puns" thread. Watch out! There's a Warner about!

[Laura Squirrel]

This was released on this date in 1988. I'm pretty sure I got this right when it was released. I remember seeing the video for "I Want Out" and I dug it.

[Laura Squirrel]

The post about school apathy regarding bullying got me thinking.

Had I been born in the right body, that would've changed so many things. But one thing would have been vastly different.

I would've come to my father and said: "Dad, show me how to fight." Later, as I would've hit my teen years, I would ask him: "Dad, teach me how to shoot". Maybe that would've happened sooner. I don't know.

I HATED being picked on because I looked at it like this: Girls aren't supposed to fight. Boys are.

Obviously, living in a house filled with domestic violence, I knew that was never the case. I saw way too much.

There were so many times when I am certain that it wouldn't have been so bad had I been born who I should've been.  The first half of grade school would've been, maybe, just as bad. Maybe not. Once we moved, that would've stopped. Yeah, I would've had the cops called on me three times and got in trouble on the bus once. But chances are, that would've stopped and not escalated.

Now, here I am in the present day and worried about abuse again. Only this time, it's from our thuggish dictatorship.

It never stops.

[tammy753]

Now, here I am in the present day and worried about abuse again. Only this time, it's from our thuggish dictatorship

I agree, I feel like its getting more and more dangerous just to exist in this state. I am planning to move but that is a long way off right now and who knows if it will be better in Colorado than it is here. Just because there are laws protecting people like us doesn't mean the citizens obey them.

[Laura Squirrel]

I agree, I feel like its getting more and more dangerous just to exist in this state. I am planning to move but that is a long way off right now and who knows if it will be better in Colorado than it is here. Just because there are laws protecting people like us doesn't mean the citizens obey them.

Well, I'm not worried about the individual citizens. My concern is more about the Gestapo than about anything else.

[Laura Squirrel]

I went on a journey with my Arturia MicroFreak synth. It was nice. Eventually, it will be processed, chopped up, and reassembled. The final track will be on a compilation that one of my friends told me about.