Not feeling great today I really think my body just shuts down on the weekend.
So I will give you a likely cause that isn't stress but will cause you some distress.
Tammy's Life-Shortening Burrito Slop
Prep Time: 12 Hours (Mandatory)
Cook Time: 90 Seconds
Servings: 1 (Or until you lose feeling in your left arm)
INGREDIENTS
• 1 Beef and Cheese Burrito (You can use any burrito you like, except chicken. I don't know what kind of sicko likes chicken in a burrito but just NO.)
• 1/2 Bag of 90-Second Spanish Rice (Not that organic stuff that will taste good on its own. We want the chemically preserved kind that will keep your corpse looking fresh for 100 years.)
• 1 "Serving" of Monterey Jack or Other Shredded Cheese (And when I say serving, I mean enough that the rice and burrito completely disappear under a dairy mountain so you can ensure your arteries remain nice and clogged.)
• 1 Bottle of Hot Sauce (You need to add enough that you start to sweat as you are eating.)
DIRECTIONS
1. Heat up the rice in the microwave
2. The 12-Hour Thaw: You must defrost the burrito the night before. You don't want one bite to be hot as the sun and the other frozen solid. You want those chemical preservatives that keep them good in the freezer for 6 months piping hot. Cook the burrito for half the time on the package
3. Dump half the bag of boiling hot 90-second chemical treated rice onto the plate.
4. Smother the entire plate in your Monterey Jack cheese until the burrito and rice are fully covered
5. Microwave the whole plate together until it fuses into one glorious, melted mass.
6. Drown the plate in hot sauce until you start perspiring just looking at it. Eat and enjoy shortening your lifespan knowing those adult diapers won't be a concern.
And I am thinking this is the new title for my book I will never write. I was thinking this would be funny joke to keep making the name worse but If I was going to write a book this it a great title. So I am a failure at this title thing, expected: "Brain Sweating and Agoraphobia: The Self-Confined Life of a Trans Person"
