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Tammy's Crazy Ambitions (Sponsored by Self-Doubt)

Started by tammy753, August 11, 2026, 04:16:04 PM

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tammy753

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 17, 2026, 02:20:21 PMYou're not a liar or a fraud Tammy. You are being waaay to hard on yourself. Coming clean to medical staff was something I have been terrified of all my life but a health issue forced my hand and the reality of the situation was that everyone I have met with the exception of one doctor has been absolutely awesome. Frankly i have been scared for no reason. Go see your GP, explain what your history is and what your goals are and I will bet money that they will be professional and supportive and if they are not, find a one that is.

I have serious doubts that conversion therapy would work. But remember nobody is forcing you to transition if it's too much for you. I mean it is a lot to deal with, it's not an easy path but I am convinced that for the vast majority of us it will lead to a much happier life and an end to the turmoil of dysphoria.

I have needed t transition my whole life. I have just been too poor or too afraid, or both. My therapist pointed out that I have these massive dark times then I take big steps forward. I guess this is another dark time. The issue for me is the agoraphobia that is preventing the GP visit. I am looking for one that is accepting but they all seem to be in these massive medical buildings that that I wouldn't be able to force my self into. I am still looking but the smaller doctors don't have information out there about if they accept transpeople. 
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Stottie Girl

Quote from: tammy753 on August 17, 2026, 02:28:28 PMI have needed t transition my whole life. I have just been too poor or too afraid, or both. My therapist pointed out that I have these massive dark times then I take big steps forward. I guess this is another dark time. The issue for me is the agoraphobia that is preventing the GP visit. I am looking for one that is accepting but they all seem to be in these massive medical buildings that that I wouldn't be able to force my self into. I am still looking but the smaller doctors don't have information out there about if they accept transpeople. 
I don't really know much about the US medical system so I hope someone across the pond can offer some good advice, however, do some of your GP's not offer video appointments? I know my GP's do. It could be a way to get seen, find a supportive GP and build some rapour without agitating your agoraphobia. Maybe once you are comfortable with them it might alieviate the fear of going in person?

You know I am the same as you, too poor and too afraid growing up, nothing really has changed for me but the dysphoria is now so loud I can't just ignore it anymore or I'll go insane.
A wise man once said don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way when you judge him you're a mile away and you have his shoes!

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on - Billy Connolley
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tammy753

Sorry I didn't explain, The GP appointment is exposure therapy for my agoraphobia. She wants me to start going out to places. Telehealth doesn't qualify. I am suppose to have an inperson session with her at the end of the month but that seems impossible now. I was thinking of going as my true self but I dont think I can now. Like I said I needed that session today. Sorry if this is a lot.
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Lori Dee

The key to exposure therapy is baby steps.

If the GP visit is too much right now, work on a smaller goal. Start with something comfortable, like a walk in the park where there are people but not many. Go as yourself or in any way you are comfortable enough to blend in. When you can do that comfortably, stop somewhere that isn't crowded, like a food truck or buy some ice cream. You want something where you are doing something unthreatening, yet it has the face-to-face part for a very short time.

Keep working at it. Each time you can do a little thing without the world ending, you begin to build confidence. Then work on SLOWLY expanding your horizon.

Maybe even reward yourself with a gift or a small treat each time you succeed.

Baby steps. You've got this. You are stronger than you realize. We are all here to cheer you on. You can do this. Go, Tammy, go!

💕
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
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Stottie Girl

Ah right I see. It's a bit extreme though trying to get you to go to a scary medical appointment with a GP in a big hospital to talk about trans issues just to get you out the house. What about making simpler goals like going to a park or for a quiet country walk? It seems to me that baby steps would be needed first of all.

How limiting is the agoraphobia? can you travel to work for example?

*Edit* I see Lori is offering the same advice! lol!
A wise man once said don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way when you judge him you're a mile away and you have his shoes!

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on - Billy Connolley

tammy753

I work remotely now. I don't go to the office I have a ADA accommodation, American Disabilities Act, for my agoraphobia. Luckily my manager is fine with this arrangement.
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Stottie Girl

I work from home to due to Misophonia. I get triggered by certain sounds such as keyboards clacking, paper rustling weird things like that. It can trigger anxiety attacks in me. I do go in if there other people I know there but i cannot do it on my own hotdesking.

Obviously this is not as serious as agoraphobia but I am an introvert who has no friends and no social life. I recognise this is unhealthy so this year i have been trying to get out on my own more, baby steps at first. I went for a walk along a quiet river gorge and back. Then I decided to start showing the fine people of Susans some of the local places of interest and used this as the reason to get out and about alone. I have been going to some of the busier landmark locations where there are more people and it is defintely getting easier. It has been working for me though it's all on hold while I do up my house right now. I don't suppose you are into photography and could do something similar? Maybe you can find a different reason to get out the house?
A wise man once said don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way when you judge him you're a mile away and you have his shoes!

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on - Billy Connolley

tammy753

no I don't take photos I used to be an artist but I needed to have a place to live and food so I gave that up to work in IT. I have tried to resurrect that talent but its been dormant too long.
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Stottie Girl

Quote from: tammy753 on August 18, 2026, 06:50:50 AMno I don't take photos I used to be an artist but I needed to have a place to live and food so I gave that up to work in IT. I have tried to resurrect that talent but its been dormant too long.
You should do it Tammy. What did you do? Painting? Drawing? Landscapes? Portaits? Landscapes would be a good one as you could go out into the sticks somewhere quiet to sketch or take pictures with your phone then have a go turning it into art at home. It would be a great way to take baby steps into the outdoors again. Your therapist would approve of that I'm sure.

A wise man once said don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way when you judge him you're a mile away and you have his shoes!

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on - Billy Connolley

tammy753

I was a modern artist. I sold 4 paintings for less than I make in a day. So I couldn't find a life that way. I think most artists these days are from wealthy families or have families that are willing to help. I didn't have that option growing up, I was the one that helped with bills with after school jobs.
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Stottie Girl

Yeah, I think with art it's not just about how talented you are there is definitely an element of who you know and a dash of luck thrown in there too. Still you should indulge yourself when you get the time if it's something you are passionate about. Maybe it's not going to get you out the house though. What other interests do you have?
A wise man once said don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way when you judge him you're a mile away and you have his shoes!

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on - Billy Connolley

tammy753

#51
So I have been thinking a lot, more accurately over analyzing the past 6 years. I realize I have a tendency to push people away when I start making connection with them. So if any of you feel like I am doing that please forgive me. Its a defense I developed over the last 50 years, I am working on it.

I also realized that I have an unhealthy obsession with Slushies. Last night I was drinking one and some subconscious part thought my couch looked thirsty because I spilled it into. At least it was artificial cherry so there is no way red food die stain right? I always wanted a purple couch anyways.

I also forgot to eat breakfast so I had to inhale some food to prevent my Lexapro from making me feel like crawling in a hole and dying. I am now moving that to the evenings so I can focus and not get so...I had this other thought I am remembered this art project I did where you take flat sheets of aluminum and you emboss patterns in ... I got my electric ratchet so i can install my fenders on my... I forgot to charge my headphones today so I took time to do that an clean them.


 

Lori Dee

My mother always told me there would be days like that.

She didn't tell me they came in bunches like bananas.

😁
My Life is Based on a True Story <-- The Story of Lori
The Story of Lori, Chapter 2
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete - Started Electrolysis!

An ancient prayer:
"King Zeus, grant us the good things, whether we pray for them or not, and keep from us the bad things, even if we pray for them."

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Charlotte Kitty

Quote from: tammy753 on August 19, 2026, 12:21:55 PMI realize I have a tendency to push people away when I start making connection with them. So if any of you feel like I am doing that please forgive me. Its a defense I developed over the last 50 years, I am working on it.


Sending you hugs 🫂 I totally feel that and do the same. The prospect can be overwhelming and easier to push up the defences and back off. Its easier than taking risks. I don't know with you, but for me its easier to reject myself rather than be rejected.

Charlotte ❤️

tammy753

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on August 19, 2026, 02:23:09 PMSending you hugs 🫂 I totally feel that and do the same. The prospect can be overwhelming and easier to push up the defences and back off. Its easier than taking risks. I don't know with you, but for me its easier to reject myself rather than be rejected.

Charlotte ❤️

Yeah my default is reject everyone without cause.

Stottie Girl

Quote from: tammy753 on August 19, 2026, 02:48:52 PMYeah my default is reject everyone without cause.
I'm usually the one being rejected so I'm used to it Tammy ha ha! I'll try not to take it personally if I get booted by you!

Sometimes though you just have to take a chance and let someone in.
A wise man once said don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way when you judge him you're a mile away and you have his shoes!

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on - Billy Connolley
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tammy753

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 19, 2026, 03:15:56 PMI'm usually the one being rejected so I'm used to it Tammy ha ha! I'll try not to take it personally if I get booted by you!

Sometimes though you just have to take a chance and let someone in.

If you get that vibe from me just know I don't mean it. I am annoyingly moody and don't want to talk much some days. So I am saying I am jerk, I think.
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Stottie Girl

Quote from: tammy753 on August 19, 2026, 03:19:32 PMIf you get that vibe from me just know I don't mean it. I am annoyingly moody and don't want to talk much some days. So I am saying I am jerk, I think.
I'll just assume it's your time of the month🤣
A wise man once said don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way when you judge him you're a mile away and you have his shoes!

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on - Billy Connolley
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tammy753

Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 19, 2026, 03:22:30 PMI'll just assume it's your time of the month🤣

I mean if that was possible you would be spot on 🤣


So Today's post.
I have been in a fog I am shifting my Lexapro to the evening so I can sleep off the side affects. I have not been this clear in a month. So if you are on that, my opinion is DO NOT TAKE THAT AT 6:30AM!!!!!!! Seriously its like I have been sleeping for a month and am awake again.

And reminder pickles are still disgusting and should not be allowed to be served to human beings. What is wrong with these restaurants don't they know they are supposed to cater to my personal preferences first?
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Stottie Girl

Quote from: tammy753 on August 20, 2026, 11:08:35 AMI mean if that was possible you would be spot on 🤣


So Today's post.
I have been in a fog I am shifting my Lexapro to the evening so I can sleep off the side affects. I have not been this clear in a month. So if you are on that, my opinion is DO NOT TAKE THAT AT 6:30AM!!!!!!! Seriously its like I have been sleeping for a month and am awake again.

And reminder pickles are still disgusting and should not be allowed to be served to human beings. What is wrong with these restaurants don't they know they are supposed to cater to my personal preferences first?
Hmmm there's definitely something wrong with you Tammy, best check in with your GP, pickles are awesome lol! Gerkins, piccalli, Branston Pickle, pickled cabbage, pickled ginger, pickled beetroot and pickled onions mmmmmm! I draw the line at pickled eggs though, that is a step too far!
A wise man once said don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way when you judge him you're a mile away and you have his shoes!

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on - Billy Connolley
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee