Tammy's Crazy Ambitions (Sponsored by Self-Doubt)

[tammy753]

Hmmm there's definitely something wrong with you Tammy, best check in with your GP, pickles are awesome lol! Gerkins, piccalli, Branston Pickle, pickled cabbage, pickled ginger, pickled beetroot and pickled onions mmmmmm! I draw the line at pickled eggs though, that is a step too far!

Ok, maybe we aren't related. 🤣

My brain is not fogged out today. I moved my medication to 1:00 PM yesterday, and 8:00 PM tonight, that will be its new time. Its side effects should wear off while I sleep. I might need to go back to 6:00 AM if I find people too intolerable—not understanding people might be better than hearing the verbal garbage that spews from their faces.

My couch must not be thirsty anymore; I haven't given it any more to drink. It isn't as purple as I had hoped, so maybe it needs more slushie, TBD.

I don't know what I am supposed to write in a blog, so this is what you get.

I don't care what Sarah says. Pickles are gross! Don't listen to her, she is CRAAAAAZZZZYYYY.
It's Friday and the sun is shining, so I will need to crawl into bed and hide under the blankets. I don't want to burst into flames like a vampire.

I am making stuff up to write, is that obvious? You can go and rethink your decision to read this. Remember regretting reading my post is a you problem not a me problem.

[davina61]

I just write what ever I have been up to, it helps unclutter my mind.

[Stottie Girl]

Ok, maybe we aren't related. 🤣

My brain is not fogged out today. I moved my medication to 1:00 PM yesterday, and 8:00 PM tonight, that will be its new time. Its side effects should wear off while I sleep. I might need to go back to 6:00 AM if I find people too intolerable—not understanding people might be better than hearing the verbal garbage that spews from their faces.

My couch must not be thirsty anymore; I haven't given it any more to drink. It isn't as purple as I had hoped, so maybe it needs more slushie, TBD.

I don't know what I am supposed to write in a blog, so this is what you get.

I don't care what Sarah says. Pickles are gross! Don't listen to her, she is CRAAAAAZZZZYYYY.
It's Friday and the sun is shining, so I will need to crawl into bed and hide under the blankets. I don't want to burst into flames like a vampire.

I am making stuff up to write, is that obvious? You can go and rethink your decision to read this. Remember regretting reading my post is a you problem not a me problem.

well, yeah maybe I am a little bit 🤣 and I do own a cat so could be a crazy cat lady!

It's good news about the brain fog though.

Your blog is there for you, use it however you want. You don't need to entertain us! Maybe be don't be as whingey as me though ha ha!

When you say Slushie are you talking about those cups of crushed ice with nuclear coloured syrup on them?

[tammy753]

well, yeah maybe I am a little bit 🤣 and I do own a cat so could be a crazy cat lady!

It's good news about the brain fog though.

Your blog is there for you, use it however you want. You don't need to entertain us! Maybe be don't be as whingey as me though ha ha!

When you say Slushie are you talking about those cups of crushed ice with nuclear coloured syrup on them?

Yep they have a food dye in them, with colors that can't exist in nature and probably contain enough chemicals to preserve you for 1000 years. But they are soo yummy so worth it!

Yeah The Brain fog is mostly gone. Its good for my not so good for my coworkers. I don't take things seriously and might, totally, curse to much. I would feel bad for them but they are being paid to tolerate me and they can hang up when ever they want.

[tammy753]

I don't feel like talking today, I am usually like this if I spent a lot of time on the phone for work. I am not sure what causes that but I think I need to just recover.

So that is all took my pills on schedule still having issues grinding my teeth, Lexapro side affect. I would write something funny because I love to make people laugh but I am not up to it today.

[Maid Marion]

I had trouble with teeth grinding from stress at work.

Spending a lot of time on the phone can be stressful work!

[Stottie Girl]

I don't feel like talking today, I am usually like this if I spent a lot of time on the phone for work. I am not sure what causes that but I think I need to just recover.

So that is all took my pills on schedule still having issues grinding my teeth, Lexapro side affect. I would write something funny because I love to make people laugh but I am not up to it today.

You're just talked out Tammy. I can get like that if the phones have been going nuts. It's just normal.

Chill baby, enhance your calm!

[tammy753]

I decided to take yesterday off from computers I needed to disconnect. I ended up resting all day I think I am suffering from extreme burn out. I never seem to recover on the weekends. I am going to talk to my therapist about it but I needed to just not talk to anyone through any form yesterday.

[tammy753]

So today was therapy. We talked about telling my brother. She didn't tell me what to do, but she thinks it's holding me back.

I told her about my dream—scroll up or over or where old posts go to die. She pointed out that it was about my past and when I didn't come out back in the '90s, and how I suppressed my true self for all those years. It also showed my strained relationship with my sister and my bad memories of my mother. I guess I never thought about all that when I thought about the dream.

On the plus side, Amazon has a deal on Kleenex so I am saving $1 on 4 boxes. That should get me through 1 or 2 more sessions. On that note, does anyone else cry through their nose first? I swear I have tear ducts in there or maybe my brain is sweating when she digs into my past. Either way, I should invest money in Kleenex.

Sorry, no joke again today—just a ton of tears and spent Kleenex. Are they recyclable? That would be gross.
I love paying someone to make me cry like a baby, it's so awesome.

[Stottie Girl]

So today was therapy. We talked about telling my brother. She didn't tell me what to do, but she thinks it's holding me back.

I told her about my dream—scroll up or over or where old posts go to die. She pointed out that it was about my past and when I didn't come out back in the '90s, and how I suppressed my true self for all those years. It also showed my strained relationship with my sister and my bad memories of my mother. I guess I never thought about all that when I thought about the dream.

On the plus side, Amazon has a deal on Kleenex so I am saving $1 on 4 boxes. That should get me through 1 or 2 more sessions. On that note, does anyone else cry through their nose first? I swear I have tear ducts in there or maybe my brain is sweating when she digs into my past. Either way, I should invest money in Kleenex.

Sorry, no joke again today—just a ton of tears and spent Kleenex. Are they recyclable? That would be gross.
I love paying someone to make me cry like a baby, it's so awesome.

Aw sorry Tammy, sending you some transatlantic hugs!

Crying is all part of the healing process though.

Did you come to a conclusion about telling your brother?

[tammy753]

Aw sorry Tammy, sending you some transatlantic hugs!

Crying is all part of the healing process though.

Did you come to a conclusion about telling your brother?

Not yet. I wrote the letter a month ago. Part of me wants to get it over with and another part of me is afraid of ruining that relationship. I have pushed almost everyone away and he is the only family I talk to at this point so I am scared to tell him.

[Stottie Girl]

I can sypathise, I know how scary it is I have not dared tell my father yet for fear of loosing him. I'm not looking forward to that conversation! I have no brothers or sisters so it's just my parents and 1 friend. The risk of ending up totally alone is high which makes me very scared.