Chapter 2 - Charlotte's scratch post

[Stottie Girl]

Thanks 😊 all for your kind support!

I don't want to give up Lori. Much like self harm these are last resorts my mind flies to in order to try and shutdown enotions when i can't handle or process them. The intensity of emotions is unbearable at times.

I'll try to shut down expectations as much as I can now. I've exhausted everything that I can do or make happen now. I've put changes in place and arranged surgery. So thats what I've decided and that I will go with.

It's not going to be easy. But I  will do my best.

Other news I've made a new trans friend who invited me into her kink group with some other trans women. And she's polyamerous so going to tell me all about that and help me figure out if its a workable dynamic. A lot going on!

You really are adventurous aren't you little lady!! I would be sooo intimidated but you just throw caution to the wind! It is one of your great strengths Charlotte. I hope it all works out for you. I think it's about time Charlotte had a bit more fun in her life!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

You really are adventurous aren't you little lady!! I would be sooo intimidated but you just throw caution to the wind! It is one of your great strengths Charlotte. I hope it all works out for you. I think it's about time Charlotte had a bit more fun in her life!

Aww not that adventurous.  Just makes me feel desirable if people are prepared to do things with me. Its nothing more than what I got upto when i was like 16 - 24 years old. Be interesting to explore though x

[Finally Anna]

Because giving it up removes all remaining expectations and gives me back control.

I'm afraid that it does not (give you back control).
Giving it up just puts you in a different square of the board, with the uncertainties and frustration that comes with that square.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Had a furry meet on Saturday which was fun. I wore my full suit which was great but I did get very hot and exhausted!

Still keeping in touch with my friend that I met a couple of weeks back for the first time. Nice to just have a chat. In a few weeks we are going to a craft fair ,then back to her place for dinner. Will see if she can teach me some things with my hair!

Next Saturday night I'm sleping over with my trans friend for some fun. We really get on too. Somehow ended up chatting on a video call for 3 hours lol. Nervous as not done anything like this in soo long. But I need to work out that side of my new self. I can't just ignore it if I want to be happy and fulfilled. She keeps saying how she aspires to look like me too lol!

Today went swimming early after missing last Sunday, as was at an adult meet. Plus had just had my new tattoo. Felt really affirmed in my swimsuit this morning too.

[Stottie Girl]

How are you managing in the female changing rooms? Are they still allowing trans women in there?

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

How are you managing in the female changing rooms? Are they still allowing trans women in there?

My local pool has family changing rooms so we get changed together.  Went into the women's loo today though!

[Stottie Girl]

Oh right so unisex, all in cubicles then?

It has been sooo long since I went swimming. I don't think I have been since my early twenties! I think I would like that once the offending appendage is removed.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Well had another video call with my trans friend and potential polyam partner. We definitely get on well so really excited if a little nervous for Saturday. She also shares a bedroom "interest" with me which is unusually common amongst trans women 🤭 I'm hoping we can make this long term. Thinking about it I'd love to have a house with my bf and other friends / partners. The idea of a small group living together would be great for emotional, physical and entertainment reasons. I'm feeling that alternative relationship and living arrangements are worth at lesst exploring.

Today I had running club even though I felt a little ill. Got a couple of pix today. I think I'm looking OK. Feminine but with my very own identity.

[Mariah ✅]

You look wonderful. It's good to get out, but also good to have relationships that really help in our day to day lives. Hugs
Mariah

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Not been feeling great all week having caught this thing that's going around. Pretty exhausted and demotivated to be honest. Its taking all my energy these days to not have mental breakdowns and try to remain positive. I guess having zero energy is better than mental breakdowns. Dunno, feels like life is mostly about treading water to be honest and burning days away until the occasional things happen that feel good and worthwhile. Not self harmed in a few weeks though which is a good job, because now find I wont be getting DBT therapy until April / May 2027. Thanks NHS.

I am getting to know a few more people though so hope its enough to keep my head above water until then. Trying to ignore my body and forget that I'm transitioning as much as possible. That's helping somewhat.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Still feeling ridiculously tired. Hoping a swim tomorrow morning will help.

On Halloween I've been asked by a girl I met on HER for a night around Birmingham and drinks in her hotel room. I'm sooo nervous as it's been so long and she's early 20s! Age I believe is just a number, so guess I gotta live up to my beliefs now huh? I'm sure I'll be ok as really don't act my age sometimes. But still this is all soo new to me.

I'm trying to grow my attitude a bit and develop my edgy / alt side. This cute outfit definitely fits 🙂

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Carlotte Kitty:
Dear Charlotte:
Please be very careful and aware of your surroundings as you are with the new girl that you met online.  Going to her hotel room and having drinks is edgy particularly if she has other guys and girls there.  Perhaps you could bring one of your running friends, your BF, a Furry friend, to be with you. 
    Be sure to let some of your running friends know exactly where you are going and exactly with who. (her name and cell phone number and email address).  Have them call you on your cell phone to check up on you about an hour into your date.  That can give you an excuse to get out of there if things are not what is comfortable for you.
Again, have a good time but be careful.
    I don't have to tell you that meeting a stranger online, going to a hotel room to have drinks, and maybe some of her friends with her is not something I would do, a recipe that can go wrong for you very quickly particularly when alcohol and maybe drug are involved with strangers.

      INSTEAD,
For a first in-person meeting it would be much safer to meet in a public place.

Nuff said. I told you what I felt was my good advice and you should hear.  Have fun, be Safe.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Forum Admin 😘

[Stottie Girl]

Dear Charlotte:
Please be very careful and aware of your surroundings as you are with the new girl that you met online.  Going to her hotel room and having drinks is edgy particularly if she has other guys and girls there.  Perhaps you could bring one of your running friends, your BF, a Furry friend, to be with you. 
    Be sure to let some of your running friends know exactly where you are going and exactly with who. (her name and cell phone number and email address).  Have them call you on your cell phone to check up on you about an hour into your date.  That can give you an excuse to get out of there if things are not what is comfortable for you.
Again, have a good time but be careful.
    I don't have to tell you that meeting a stranger online, going to a hotel room to have drinks, and maybe some of her friends with her is not something I would do, a recipe that can go wrong for you very quickly particularly when alcohol and maybe drug are involved with strangers.

      INSTEAD,
For a first in-person meeting it would be much safer to meet in a public place.

Nuff said. I told you what I felt was my good advice and you should hear.  Have fun, be Safe.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Forum Admin 😘

Sound advice this Charlotte! Be carefull!! You do not even know for sure they are who they say they are.  You're a big girl so I'm not going to go all nanny state on you but things are different once you are female, you can still have fun and enjoy things but always have an eye on safety.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks both. My bf knows where I'm going and will give him details including the room. I'll meet them outside first rather than straight to a room.

Honestly I don't really have any fear and like to live close to the wire. I'm so underwhelmed that high risk makes me at least feel something!

[Courtney G]

Here's a thought: you should BE on the phone with your boyfriend when you meet up with them, so they hear you tell him something like "Yes, I'm here at <hotel> and will be in room <number> as I mentioned. I'll text you around <time>, ok?"

This very obvious proof that someone knows where you are/are supposed to be makes it nearly impossible for someone who booked a hotel room to get away with a misdeed without some serious interviewing by the authorities, unless you can book a room with cash and no ID in the UK!