Back when I was "still a cross dresser" (that's what I thought of myself at the time) my first wife left me shortly after I came out to her. There were other major strains on the relationship, though, and this one just added to the load. I foolishly kept it from her until after we married.
My second and current wife knew of my cross dressing but did not approve. If she found some female clothing of mine it immediately disappeared with not one word being spoken. She purged more than I did, LOL! As the years have gone by she stopped throwing my stuff out (I kept replacing it) but still was very unwilling to witness, let alone participate in my dressing. When I came out to her with my suspicions that I was TS she took it very hard but now has gotten to the point where I can dress at home and she helps out sometimes too. She still hates that I go out presenting as female (Wig, makeup, etc) but doesn't complain when I go out looking androgynous.
The point, though, is that this took a very long time - years (We were married in 1987 and were together 5 years before that). But this was all done without the help of a knowledgeable therapist. And I feel very lucky so far, many, or even most marriages (from what I read) do not survive this kind of thing. I think it depends on both people in the relationship. If the one isn't willing to give a little, the other wiill have very few choices left.
helen
