"In this situation I'd really really think hard to tell parents until either their views changed or I could stand on my own two feet."In this situation there is little if any choice but to at least feel the parents out or forget everything until of a proper age and employement situation. So you just have to be sure this is important enough to you to take a risk and if it is, then flip the coin. Possibility of getting some help, or possibility of being thought of as "strange" or even "sick" in which either case, even if they really think so, it could lead to therapy whereby it would be a trained professional who would be telling the parents what the problem is and possibly suggesting a more qualified specialst to continue therapy with. Case history is established early and possibly hormones can be begun at 18 if found to be necessary and prudent.
So, it's a matter of doing nothing constructive, or talking to the parents, who will either do as requested and seek therapy for the minor child, or believe they should to confirm their own suspicions. The decision is based on one's own conviction of what is desired in life and the will to see it through.
It will be embarrassing and possibly humiliating, and there is fear of possible knee jerks, but to a serious person, these are part of the territory if one is to conceivably make it in the first place. Know that in the beginning with no promise of getting to your destination, but your willing to try or your not, especially at critical ages for best overall development and socialization.
"If possible though it would be so much more useful to start making and acting upon plans to secure your own future. Hindsight as they say."Try this for been there done that sight. What plans to act upon when you are a minor, in school and no job that will cover any costs? Unless willing to just put it off for a few or more years before starting and all that will be accumulated emotionally in the meantime, or trying to obtain help from the parents? who may come through for you even if they think you are in deep water.
Still comes down to either doing little or nothing in any constructive manner and scared all the time the parents are going to find out on thier own somehow, or taking the one chance you have as early as possible. Again though taking such action depends on just how serious the minor is and keeping in mind the minor may be misinterpeting a lot of puberty emotions that will lead to quilt and social problems with a certainty the longer it goes on. Therapy is quite proper here, even if causes aren't what the minor thinks, in fact especially so in such a case.
if anything is desired in an immediate or very near future, through the parents is the only option and if they do extend concern and help, half the mental problem is taken care of right there. Again. is it worth it to one to take the risk? If it's not worth taking a risk for, then what is it worth as a necessity?
"Um, depending on the parents and relationship with."Yes, thats the biggest part of the equasion, along with the consistancy and depth of feeling of the minor and what they know about normal reactions and behaviors.
I would not approach telling them straight out if the overall projection has always been masculine. Spend a a while relating to them and the world in their natural emotional state with shields down, not attempting to act "girly" or "whimpy", or trying to dress as a girl for the time being. Just relate with natural emotions and reactions rather then masking them or changing them to suit a purpose, talk about it if parents ask, explain it is just the way you are, not necessarily Are as in Girl at this point, just as you are and feel. Then and later, consistancy and adherance to natural behavioral patters, rather then habitual or trained ones will heavily enfluence the parents thinking at the time of the "showdown".
"But if it is parents you both love and trust then I see your point; but then if you love and trust them it's more of the compromise to make them and yourself happy."yes it is compromise. The parents, even if in agreement, may want a little control over the situation in dressing, when and where, etc. Fair enough at this stage, it's a matter at this time of accepting the idea things are happening and beginning to understand it for ones self in the first place and if therapy is going on, so much the better. Most likely have to wait until 18 anyway for an official diagnoses or for any hormones anyway when legal age is reached and more control is possible and more ready to take the big dive in an informed and responsible manner.
It all comes down to money, resources, ability to make decisions affecting ones entire life, and a commitment to seeing it through with eyes wide open to what will be faced. Sneaking around trying to hide things, not having any place to go and a thousand other things, possibly including no transportation, it's like a mine field for a juvinile, much more so then for an adult. For a kid, it's come out with it, with as much intelligence as possible, or forget it for the near future. It's the breaks.
"Oh so true! Sadly I've had to learn (and occasionally still do) that the hard way. "Funny thing about Mistakes. Learn to do something and then do it right, all the time and you have accomplished a goal, but what did you really learn, other then from an intellectual point of view about why mistakes must be avoided.
On the other hand, make one mistake and you all of a sudden learn down to the bone almost every single reason in existance why that mistake should never be made.
Learning from mistakes teaches you a lot more on a gut level, then never having made the mistake, and so less prone to it again (with proper mentality) then a person who is statistically due for one since they have always been perfect.
"Interestingly I'd say always rather than sometimes. Actually I can't comprehend sometimes. For me it is always". depends on if you sometimes try to differentuate big mistake from little mistake and harmless mistake, thats what makes it "sometimes" and in many ways most all of us do it at some time or another. The alternative, or "one strike" law dictates there is no such thing as size or nature of mistake, jay walking or murder, same penalty. Bad is Bad, no big and small about it. few people can survive in that arena, but there are those who do and are most comfortable in it. That has to be weighed carefully anytime something has even a suggestion of not being right and definately across lines by any definition is therefore totally unthinkable.
"Interestingly I've been here, but on the flip side. An no I never trusted him again.
But you know what? People do stupid things. It's part of the definition. We need to do it wrong to figure out what is right (or to assure it is). Sometimes it is a necessity.
Probably just as well given that I'm stellularly imperfect." See what I mean? As a matter of ethical morality, you intrincically believe in "one strike" yourself, yet admit imperfection in yourself along with compromising situations. So if confronted with "one strike" you must accept it yourself as proper and right despite any circumstances.
Live by it or die by it. It's a millinias old ethic and once understood, can never be crossed.
Terri