I need Courtroom Advice

[Mario]

 Hey,

    I will try posting this here in hopes of some insight. Some of you know me and Pam, and the hellish situation we go through with her ex- husband. From the beginging of our relationship,and the time she told him she wanted a divorce and filed this goes back to Novermber 05 now, it has been pure hell dealing with him. He has underhandedly turned their children against us, and all friends Pam had are against her, and he is a liar about what money he makes so he gets 645.00 a month from Pam in child support. That is the first issue. The man makes 47,000 a year, but is self employeed so is 1099ed. He, right there in the courtroom with all his "DEDUCTIONS" on his finacial sheet claims to make 400.00 a month. Since Pam has the job with regular tax deductions and such, based on what she makes, gross mind you, not take home, she has to pay that lying jerk child support. They live with him, she had to leave the house last December because it was impossible to be in the same room with him. Now, the kids don't want to see her anymore, because their father and those around them have made them believe their mother is horrible, and has left them for me in some lesbian relatopnship, which for those who know me, that is not the case. There has to be a way to prove his earnings, to change the amount.

The other issue is dicrimination against me IN THE COURTROOM. Her ex-husbands lawyer's opening statment for their child custody hearing was "I don't know what to call it, a man or a woman"

I ask you, what does me being transsexual have to do with the custody arrangments of their 2 children? And, in the court papers I am not to be around when Pam sees her kids, which is not ever now, but that is what was ordered. Before Pam and I were involved, her kids liked me very much. Her daughter is my oldest daughters best friend. But see, that was when I was just "Mariah's mom" I want to know if there is any kind of suit I can file against her ex and or his lawyer? This divorce is far from over because he is making it that way. He keeps getting what he wants. And he is slandering Pam  all the way to the bank. I want to kick his ass, but would rather see him sweat for being the liar he is. I don't think Pam's lawyer is doing his job. Nice guy, but he heard what was said, guess the judge did not. I don't know. Her ex has a full blown statment that is a court document all about me and Pam. Why? This is their divorce. Not mine.

Anyone with any info as to what I might be able to do please let me know. Thanks.

                                              Marco

[Melissa]

I wonder if Pam can give an anonymous tip to IRS.  It sounds like he is cheating on taxes and if he is and they audit him, he's going to be getting what he deserves. If he is audited, since it would be official that he's cheating, it may be enough to sway the child support decision.  It would also be a big blow to the ex's credibility.

Melissa

[Mario]

Yea Melissa you are right about the IRS. The problem with that is the guy that 1099's him is a friend of him and will dummy up anything for him if he needed it to prove otherwise. And, the tax guy they use they have had for a few years, so does that not make Pam as liable too? Since they were filied jointly? I asked here if there were old tax stuff from before Danny found this crooked tax guy as too show how much he really makes. If there are files that go that far back somewhere in the garage, it is a matter of going there to the house when he is not there and going through the boxes in the rafters. And that is if he has not gotten rid of that stuff by now. Thanks Melissa.

                                                     Marco

[Melissa]

Just another possible angle of attack.  Did Pam cheat on her taxes too?  If she did, I assume that her last taxes were legit.  Is the ex getting paid cash under the table, or are there paychecks that have been deposited in the bank.  Banks usually keep copies of deposited and written checks.  IRS can check on all these things themselves.  If they think they are getting cheated out of a lot of money, do you think they're going to passively sit by and let it continue?  Probably not.

Also, if Pam did cheat on taxes and she is liable, she may have to pay back taxes, but the gain is that she would probably end up paying less support and possibly gain custody of her kids.  She may also be able to contest that she had no say in how the taxes were done.  It sounds like you have some options here that you can play with.  This may be some good stuff to discuss with the lawyer before taking any action though.  I think you see these options, but are not sure what to do with them.

I personally would like to see this guy go down.  Especially with his attitude toward transsexuals.

Melissa

[spike]

I think if they were married Pam would be responsible for past tax 'errors'  . It might be worth the penalty though like Melissa said. (Marco check your hotmail).  ~Amy

[Nero]

"I don't know what to call it, a man or a woman."
This statement is appalling and completely out of line. I can't believe the judge just sat there, condoning the reference to a human being as "it".
And Pam's lawyer didn't even object? You need a new lawyer.

Nero

[Mario]

Hey Melissa,
              Pam and here ex had a joint account that only he deposited into. She got those copies of deposit records months ago. Originally her lawyer told her they would not be needed. Then after  the courtroom attack on me, I handed the the copies of the deposits to her lawyer myself and asked him can these not be of any value to us? He took them, but I do not know if he will do anything with them like try to prove that they wewe indeed Danny's deposits and not Pams. And there would should be proof of his written checks for paying the house payment and whatever else he paid while they were together. Does anyone wonder how he makes a 1,600.00 house payment and buy groceries and plays paintball all on 400.00 a month?

Spike, I will go check my mail.

Nero, Yes, it was a bad scene. It took every fiber in my body to stay seated and not fly over the rail and choke both of them. I want to file a suit. I have to see if I have grounds.

                                          Marco

[Melissa]

Does anyone wonder how he makes a 1,600.00 house payment and buy groceries and plays paintball all on 400.00 a month?

Exactly.

Melissa

[Dennis]

Marco, check into your local bar association and find out how to make a complaint. If it's anything like here, complaints are a major pain in the butt to deal with for a lawyer. And the more negative marks against your record, the more likely future sanctions. I doubt that there's grounds for anything else, like a lawsuit. May be different in your jurisdiction.

As far as the financials, that is the major pain in my butt too, self-employed people. It might be worth hiring a forensic accountant to look into his finances. If it were this jurisdiction though, the custodial parent's income has no bearing on child support, it's only the payor's income. You might want to check whether that's true in your jurisdiction too before you go into that expense.

Another way to deal with self-employed is to subpoena any loan or mortgage applications they've made. See what they told the bank their income was. Odds are, it wasn't $400 per month.

And I wouldn't necessarily say you need a new lawyer. Flat-out aggression is not always the most useful courtroom strategy. You need a lawyer with a full repertoire of abilities. People often make the mistake of thinking they need a "pit-bull" lawyer, which can cost them badly in the long run because those sorts of lawyers are like one-note singers. That note may be very good, but you can't sing a song with it. And you can't win a court case with only one strategy. If you trust the guy, and he seems to be paying attention to your file, he's probably good.

Dennis

[Mario]

Thanks Dennis. That is a good idea about subpoena the loan aps. But like you said, we just found out form her lawyer that the custodial parent's income does not matter. I did not know that. So he can make 1,000,000 a year and she would still pay child support. The only thing that her lawyer will be able to pursue is Danny's claim in the courtroom that he pays 450.00 a month in medical expenses. A blatant lie. Him and and their kids have been on her insurance for 15 years. Once that is proved, maybe her child support order will go down slightly. Whatever.

                                                   Marco

[Melissa]

At the very least, it will damage his credibility if he committed perjury in court.

Melissa

[Elizabeth]

Marco,

This is a tough situation and I am having a similar problem with my exwife.  She claims she pays all these expenses as a "room-mate", when in reality her live in boyfriend is paying all the expenses.  He will gladly write her receipts showing she paid.  So even though we each have one minor child, I have to pay her child suppport. 

Of course she is living a much higher standard of living than me and my kids that live with me.  I could supoena her bank records and his and prove that the money is not actually changing hands as they claim, but it is a huge hassle and expense. Not only that but my kids know what is going on. It is something she will have to account for to them for the rest of thier lives.

Also, it is not just what the law in your state says, it's what case law says.  What judges have ruled, precedent.  My exwife is from Tennessee.  In Tennessee, crossdressing is grounds for terminating partental rights under existing case law there.  That means it has survived the appeals process every time anyone has appealed being denied parental rights for crossdressing or being a transsexual.  I made sure that I maintained legal custody of all my children so she can not change their residency without my permission.  I took the kids initially because my son told me she was secretly pricing plane tickets for her and the kids before our split up.

I made sure that a California court had jurisdiction where I could not be discriminated against.  My official advice is that this man is full of anger, now he has you angry. Now you are feeling his anger.  This is what he wants.  Anger is a horribly negative emotion and many times when people are angry they want to make others feel angry too, as punishment for making them angry.  I would say try to resist that.

I know that no one needs to tell you that this is not a fair world, who would know better than you, but sometimes it's just a bad situation and the best one can do is mitigate damage to ones self.   I had a judge that was clearly prejudice against me. But he acted within his discretion under the law.  And they tell you that you have a right to appeal.  But I don't have no money, he knows that from my financial declarations.  So he knows I can't appeal his decisions.  Really, there is nothing I can do.  So instead of spending every day of the rest of my life angry about it, I finally decided to just let it all slide. It won't be like this forever, my kids will grow up an realize what really happened. I  will get by.

Do what you can, and then, let yourself off the hook. I know how frustrating it is and how upsetting it is. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Good luck.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Mario]

Thanks Elizabeth for that. I do get really mad at him. There are days when I think, we can't change who he is and what he does, and pray that one day it will come back on him. So your kids love you for you? That is all we can ask for. My kids love me still knowing that I will be a man after surgery. My oldest daughter is having a harder time with it. Pam is the one being slandered about to her kids. Taht is hard. I know it is worse because she is with me and not a bio guy. It is good you can turn yourself away from it all and move on with your life.

                                                  Marco

[Melissa]

I know it is worse because she is with me and not a bio guy. It is good you can turn yourself away from it all and move on with your life.

                                                  Marco

I think he's just jealous that Pam found a better man than him (as if that were hard ).

Melissa