old friends -> potential new roomies? *gulp*

[Anaya]

hi all!

i really hate just coming once in a while here post some little worry of mine and never with good news of finally getting further with my transition...

but hey, where new worries arise, there i am to worry about them... or something like that!

the past year i've been living with 3 other roommates (well two left and two new came, so haven't been living that long with them) I've been dressing female at night in private, and sometimes even at day when i know that no ones here (rarely, though). Well i like to be dressed as a girl. i can survive for a time without it, as it really isn't a good substitute for actually being a girl in public...
But i do love my big carton box o' clothes (after my brother visited me here i never dare put my clothes in the closet ever again ("ever" being as long as i can't openly admit to being a girl.... heck i'm 19, i'm a woman! )

oook the actual problem. Some (3) guys who were good friends back home and i still spend time with in holidays, decided to study here too. As i don't feel all awkward and judged with people who i know and know me, i think i'll end up being roomies with one or more of them (if we find a place at all...). Thing is no one knows about me. I mean i "joked" around once or twice, but i'm not comfortable telling them (and heck, i'm sure not telling that i might be having some feelings for one of them... that'd surely freak them out). Sooo theres me, my big box o' clothes, and the transition i really would like to go through...
suuure, the obvious answer is "tell them!", i mean they would know anyways, and having to live with them and not tell is pretty hard.
but then theres the thing that they might not let me be a roommate... but if i don't tell and hey see whats in the box, that'd be bad... what if i tell them later on? i wouldn't like to be kicked out or anything like it.
i really fear how they might react... and yet i don't know if i should fear anything. two of them i don't know if they really mean it seriously the way they have talked about "trannies" (...) before... And the funny thing is, everyone seems to know that they can depend on me if they have problems (specially computer problems ) and one of the reason some of them could come study abroad here, was because i'm here... i just don't know what to expect, and if i might end up loosing some of the only friends i have here...

i don't really know what i'm asking, probably what i should do, but then again it isn't that hard to figure it out.
i think i will just wait and see and if it comes up or becomes a problem, i tell them calmly and full of confidence (i wish i could actually talk that way. Weirdly people say i seem carefree and confident two things i'm really not)

[Melissa]

Yeah, that's a tough can of worms to open.  It's obvious that it causes you a lot of anxiety.  Perhaps talking with a therapist would help you figure out what the best approach is.

[fae_reborn]

Sweetie, I would be very careful, and if at all possible I would try and find a place on your own.

I went through the exact same thing, and the two guys I lived with before I transitioned knew and said they didn't care, but made it painfully obvious that I wasn't allowed to be myself in the apartment, except in my room.  If you need to transition and don't want to hide, you may be setting yourself up for disaster by getting a place with them.

However, they may accept it and be ok with it, though I would wait on telling the one you have feelings for. 

Best of luck,

Jenn

[tekla]

You can tell them the truth, and let the cards fall where they may.

Or you can walk away.

either way....

[sd]

If you are set on this, make sure they know well in advance and that you do not intend to hide from them. The sooner the better, this way they can come to grips with it before committing to anything. The longer you wait the less time they have to get their heads around it.

I think this would be better than hiding or being thrown out.

[Anaya]

thanks for the replies

therapist? that could be hard. ... as i'm not seeing any, and it's expensive and i really don't know how i'm going to pay him/her and explain the expenses to my parents. But next semester (if there's a next semester for me... really hope i won't flunk this exam for the third and last time....) i'm going to try to get an appointment.

about telling them... i don't know. It's so scary... i've been trying to tell one of my best friends, but i haven't been able to do so. I'm really hoping to tell her these summer holidays. And i'm going to see the guys again too... maybe then?

but even if i tell them and they do accept it... i can't expect them to not be weirded out by seeing me in girl's clothes...

and (well, i know this is just me trying to avoid telling them) if i lived with them at first without telling, they would see that i'm no weirdo at home...

i wonder how i should bring it up at all. it would be good to test the waters with some TG related question, not related to me...

[sneakersjay]

I'm of the opinion that you should be able to be 100% comfortable in your own home, and not have to walk on eggshells around roommates.  So that, it seems, would mean you should come out to them.  You are NOT a weirdo.  But trying to hide your things in a box, worrying about whether they'll come home early and catch you, or having to lock your door so they don't pop in unannounced seems very stressful when you are at HOME where you should be able to RELAX.

Just one guy's opinion. 

Jay

Disclaimer:  I was a very introverted, shy, quiet young person (ie your age) and if I had to come out then I'm sure I'd feel the same way you do.