Hey all,
I havent been here in ages with all the confusion about loosing my account etc. But here I am and hopefully for good!
The past 4 months has been the strangest and most difficult experience of my life. Let me explain from the start.
For reasons Im not proud of and would rather not disclose, I fell into a major clinical depression with psychosis. My psychosis mimiced the effects of psyczophrenia for 2 months, causing me to be confused, paranoid and out of touch with reality. Nothing made sense.
In the mean time, my major depression was making me see a world I had never seen before - one so dark and without reason that I would not wish it upon anyone.
Anyone who has had to experience a serious psychosis will tell you how crippling and mentally debilitating it is.
But more to the point, this is what really confuses me. Since I have started taking my Anti-Psychotics and Anti-Depressants, my want to 'change' have almost completely diminished. It is not comforting in the slightest as I was comfortable with who I was and had learned to love myself and everyone else. Just ask anyone who knew me here! lol. I was certain of what I wanted and how I was going to get it, but now my mind is full of doubts and un-knowns.
More importantly, and this is the reason I put up this post, could this give us a clue as to what it is to be transgender (or whatever you like refer to this as)? For the 20 years I have been alive I have always cross dressed and always thought of myself as Sarah. I dont know who I am anymore. (do I even make any sense??? lol!!!)
I would love to hear from anyone, especially any of you's who know me or ESPECIALLY anyone who has gone through a similar experience, as I know almost all of our liver have been full of up's and down's.
For now I bid farewell, good mental and physical health to all
Sarah
