This is so bogus.

[Adrien]

The way I see it, I don't have anything to complain about ever.
I've got a lot of support from my mother!, from my organization, from friends...
Which is more than most people will ever get in their whole life, regardless of sexuality and/or gender expression/identity or anyting else like race, religion etc.

I feel... like I don't deserve... any of this support, how so many people out there do deserve this far more than I.

Mom started searching for e-therapists, seeing as the "local" gender specialist was 80 miles away.
If you ask me, a teenager [how unreliable and having poor judgement!], 120 miles, round trip, even ONCE a month is WAY too much. I wouldn't allow it. No matter how much I need it.
The gas money, and then the money for the appointment? Not a chance.


So, we found one, made the appointment and all that stuff.
I was stoked for WEEKS!!!

We made the appointment for the next day [yesterday] at one o'clock.
One rolled around and I was shaking, jittery, nervous, feeling sick [and the three cups of coffee did /not/ help haha]
I didn't know how to start the chat session we made appointment for.
I called the office and they said "we don't work with clients under 18. we refunded your money."

I hung up the phone and burst into tears.

Let's look at the day prior.
The administrator FINALLY wrote back with awesome news!
They wanted to have a meeting and get everything ready for me [how cool!! they accepted it!]
I cried.

I was watching Law and Order: SVU
Katherine Moennig was portraying an MtF.
I was angry at the things they were saying and doing to her.
I felt her pain. [It was a TEEVEE Show! And a Made up character!!]
I cried when she was put into a men's prision, and beat and raped.
I cried. [But when one of the adults at GLSEN confirmed (after I told him about my day) that he, too, had cried. I felt a bit relieved]
After I found out that my anatomically male older brother got his lip pierced, I was furious.
I soon realized that I was using his facial piercing as a scapegoat for me being jealous and angry because of just that.
He was anatomically correct, and I wasn't.
I cried.

Last night, after getting off the phone with this fabulous boy that I, of course being a teenager, have a crush on...
Well, see, he is a huge support, he worries about me and looks up to me, even though he has a two years on me [he too, is trans, but has no family support, and only a SMALL group of friends (me included) supporting him.] and he likes me back -heart explosion-
I cried. I don't know why... I've been so... weak.
I feel small, unimportant and unwanted, overwhelmed...
I need that therapy... and I have so many people helping me...

So even if I get it, I don't think I'll feel worthy enough.

I wish I could shake that feeling.
-sigh- I hate being a teenager.

[Elwood]

You are a lucky person, and I am often quite envious. I wish my mother embraced my gender identity, but instead she stepped all over it...

One thing you can do is maybe take a bus with your mum to the therapist. That would probably save a lot of money.

I too an often jealous of my own brother, who is skinny and frail for a boy. But he's probably hung like a horse like my dad. I get really envious of that, but I try my damnedest not to express it. So far, I haven't had any outbursts.

Don't feel unwanted. Someone LIKES you, man. I mean, sure, a couple girls like me. But one of them doesn't even really know me. She's acting kind of delusional. The other girl... well, she's a long story.

[Adrien]

You are a lucky person, and I am often quite envious. I wish my mother embraced my gender identity, but instead she stepped all over it...

I would love to give you my mother, because I feel [and I can't explain why] that you, or someone else, other than me, deserves her more.

One thing you can do is maybe take a bus with your mum to the therapist. That would probably save a lot of money.

That isn't possible. We live in such a small area. The closest bus to anywhere is in the same City as the therapist.

I too an often jealous of my own brother, who is skinny and frail for a boy. But he's probably hung like a horse like my dad. I get really envious of that, but I try my damnedest not to express it. So far, I haven't had any outbursts.

Luckily, no outburst directly at him. I keep them underwraps. But, he also is the only family member to accept me...
Though, I'm sure hundreds of people would trade one older sibling for the whole family.

Don't feel unwanted. Someone LIKES you, man. I mean, sure, a couple girls like me. But one of them doesn't even really know me. She's acting kind of delusional. The other girl... well, she's a long story.

He has a girlfriend. He lives three states away.
He wants to get engaged to said girlfriend.
And the only light, and dark at the same time, in the situation is he thinks "engagement isn't permanent."

[Nero]

I wanted a brother really bad when I was little. Now I'm kind of glad I didn't have one. Because I got to be the 'boy' in the family and at least in Mom's eyes, 'the son'.

[Elwood]

Your mum is your mum, and you deserve her love more than anyone else. Well, rather, equally with your siblings.

Darn, sorry that the bus won't work out.

LOL. My brother... he will probably NEVER accept my gender identity. He still thinks it's a "phase."

WHAT? That guy, who is getting engaged... that's ridiculous, what he said. It didn't even make since. Now I understand why you feel unwanted. If I was in love with someone else, I'd break up with the other person, not get engaged with them...

[Adrien]

LOL. My brother... he will probably NEVER accept my gender identity. He still thinks it's a "phase."

WHAT? That guy, who is getting engaged... that's ridiculous, what he said. It didn't even make since. Now I understand why you feel unwanted. If I was in love with someone else, I'd break up with the other person, not get engaged with them...

First? Brothers are dumb. 'Nuff said.

Second.
I never said he was in love with me. He just has a crush on me. And... I'm just a kid, it doesn't matter either way.
I wish he was in love with me.. I wish he didn't live so far away... and Yeah, I wish he was with me, and not his girl.
But she's there... I'm just an... infatuation, I guess. -shrug-

[Elwood]

Ohh. Sorry, I'm not always the best listener/reader.

Yeah. I'm 18 and single. I'm probably not much older than you but if you turn 18 and you're still alone at least you'll know that I was that way... that you're not alone. I've never had a "real" relationship...