Cutting

[Arch]

Yeah, I don't understand cutting.

Cutting to me is those myspace pictures of teenaged girls with scarred arms and black butterfly wallpaper. It seems rather ridiculous.

Why does cutting start? Does it seem like it'll solve anything the first time you try it?

I'm just curious.

Personally, when I get angry and frustrated, I just run a few miles. Makes me feel better and it's healthy too. I'm sorry to hear about your screwed up hands and ankle.

I started off with various forms of angry self-abuse (no, not jacking off) like banging on my foot with a hammer or smacking my head against the wall. I had frustrations to get out. I didn't want to destroy property or hurt someone else. And I felt that I deserved to hurt. That's how it started for me.

My joints are better now that I'm on T, although I still can't lift weights. That sort of drives me nuts. My ankle is much better, partly because of the T and partly because I lost a lot of weight. It's that much less force for my ankle to handle.

[Cindy]

Hi Arch and everyone,

Is this similar to other addictions? I'm an alcoholic (there I've said it publicly for the first time) and I've been trying to give up for ever. I'm dry now since the 11 September last month. I'm trying the rational recovery method, it has a web site and can be googled. So far so good. I'm not the sort of person who is any use at group counselling, I'm anti-social (typical TG I think) so many of the so called therapies are useless. But this seems to be working.

Maybe of some use, I hope so.

Cindy

[Calistine]

Yeah, I don't understand cutting.

Cutting to me is those myspace pictures of teenaged girls with scarred arms and black butterfly wallpaper. It seems rather ridiculous.

Thats a terrible stereotype. There are obnoxious girls who do it because they think they are cool no doubt but most cutters are any other person who is in deep pain. Youd be surprised to know that someone you care about is secretely cutting themselves, its pretty scary. 

[Red]

I don't know...it kinda hurts, but there's a sense of immense relief and release, almost sexual, like an orgasm. Then I feel kind dreamy afterward. And good.

I think there's some kind of endorphin release--I read something about it a long time ago. It's not like slicing onions and hurting yourself accidentally and dancing around the kitchen in pain.

For me, just in my opinion, cutting helped ease my mental pain.  So when I was in physical pain it really helped my mental pain.  My arms and legs are literally covered in scars.  Three times, I cut myself on different places on my arm, and yellow tissue / fat started bulging out of my cut.  My mum taped me back together and I had to not use that arm for a while.  I've been to the mental hospital 3 times for this.  I identify as an ex-cutter though, because it's been 2 years since I've done it.  My family doctor said that you can use super glue to hold it back together, all honesty!  I'm not making that up. 

People who have never experienced cutting as a way to ease the mental pain, they won't understand because they aren't going through mental pain.  I agree there are girls out there who do it for attention.  But almost 50% of my cuts are hidden by my clothes.  I haven't talked with anyone about this in a long time because I was trying to stop.  But I don't want others to cut because it's a dangerous way to ease your mental pain.  It's a temporary feeling of freedom  with permanent results.

If you cut, please go to therapy or counseling.  Don't let it get so bad that you either end up in a mental hospital or dead.

[LordKAT]

  My family doctor said that you can use super glue to hold it back together, all honesty!  I'm not making that up. 

Super glue was invented to hold skin together.

[Arch]

Super glue was invented to hold skin together.

Hunh. I seem to remember reading that it was an accidental discovery, but I don't remember the details.

[V M]

Please friends, don't harm yourselves 

[LordKAT]

The Real Scoop on the Use of Tissue Adhesive for Wound Closure
From: AFryeMidwf@aol.com (Anne Frye)

For several years there has been increasing interest in the midwifery community regarding the use of commonly available "Super Glue" types of adhesives for wound closure. Midwives who have done a little research have found that the cyanoacrylate glue (Super Glue) sold over-the-counter and medical cyanoacrylate glues are apparently identical in composition and rumored to the be same as the tissue adhesive used extensively during the Vietnam War. Some midwives have even used over-the-counter Super Glue (Krazy Glue) successfully in lieu of suture to close the perineum.

In readying in the 5th edition of Healing Passage: A Midwife's Guide to the Care and Repair of the Tissues Involved in Birth, I felt it was important to address this issue. This article offers an expanded version of the information you will also find in the new edition.

History and development:

In 1959, a variety of cyanoacrylate adhesives were developed, some types of which are now used for surgical purposes in Canada and Europe. These glues polymerize on contact with basic substances such as water or blood to form a strong bond. The first glue developed was methyl cyanoacrylate, which was studied extensively for its potential medical applications and was rejected due to its potential tissue toxicity such as inflammation or local foreign body reactions. Methyl alcohol has a short molecular chain which contributes to these complications.





http://www.fensende.com/Users/swnymph/refs/glue.html

[Arch]

The first glue developed was methyl cyanoacrylate, which was studied extensively for its potential medical applications and was rejected due to its potential tissue toxicity such as inflammation or local foreign body reactions.
http://www.fensende.com/Users/swnymph/refs/glue.html

Forgive me if I get all teacherly on you, but there's nothing here to suggest that superglue was actually developed specifically for use on skin. The passage only states that once it was developed, it was then considered for medical use.

Okay, I'll stop being obnoxious.

[tekla]

The original cyanoacrylates (the chemical name for the glue) were discovered in 1942 in a search for materials to make clear plastic gun sights for the war, and scientists stumbled upon a formulation that stuck to everything that it came in contact with. However, cyanoacrylates were quickly rejected by American researchers precisely because they stuck to everything! In 1951, cyanoacrylates were rediscovered by Eastman Kodak researchers Harry Coover and Fred Joyner, who recognized its true commercial potential, and it was first sold as a commercial product in 1958.

[Dana Lane]

I know someone else who cuts. It hurts me to hear about people doing that but I suppose I can understand.

You said you feel dreamy afterwards and it is kind of an endorphine rush.

There is one safe way to achieve a lot of pain and the rush without actually hurting yourself. Not sure if you would try it or not but I LOVE it!

Extreme hot sauce such as Mad Dog 357 Silver Addition. http://www.hotsauceworld.com/maddog357hot.html

It is made with pepper extract and believe me, even a tiny bit on the end of a toothpick will send most people running for a glass of milk and regret it for about 15 minutes.

Well, if you ever do try this let me know how it turned out. hehe It really would be nice if you could find another way to hurt yourself that was actually healthy!

[tekla]

It really would be nice if you could find another way to hurt yourself that was actually healthy!

Its called a gym, or do any number of 'sports'.

[ffern]

another point to it is distraction. i think. or maybe an expression of self hate. a way to get back at your self. i think it is an addiction. i know i get urges to. guess thats the reason i came looking for this thread, gods i sound so emo, but im trying to talk it out instead of act on it, thats a good thing right? 

[Arch]

Ffern, it definitely helps to find distraction, and people to commune with. Talk away. There's always someone here to listen.

I for one am glad that the urge to cut wasn't with me for very long this time--that is, when I started this thread. I guess I can thank my therapist and my support groups for that. And then I transitioned...it makes such a difference.

[pebbles]

I guess I should share.
I've historically had a massive problem with self harm, I unsurprisingly used it as a method of coping with the dysphoria and a in turn became a method of justifying it.
"I'm mutating into this horrible masculine thing I want it to stop but it won't, My body hates me and I hate it thus it's acceptable if I abuse it to get solace from it Like I feel it's doing to me"

Of course with this reasoning it becomes easier the more masculine you are to sacrifice new regions your body, You truly hate your form so much and the next day it's worse and you'll you find a new way of hating it more than yesterday.

Cutting never offered euphoria... It's just a day of tranquillity when your mind was a unending act a whirlwind of pain, disgust and guilt.

I started when I was 13, I was completely undiscovered thus became extremely skilled at inflicting massive injury onto myself without bleeding to death (I did use super-glue and suture myself) I would bleed into the bath to hide the blood and at it's most extreme I would bleed myself so much that the bathwater turned so dark red I couldn't see the bottom of the bath. I lost pints and pints of blood through these huge centimetre deep lacerations I would wish it to end but I never did die.

I sometimes now joke with friends how through scientific experimentation I proven I have infinite blood... ^_^
I've also cried out to deities while bleeding to fix the reason why I need to do it thus proven that blood gods cannot perform sex changes no matter how much blood you give them lol!

Over time the scars fade abit but remain they cover at least 30% of my body and the majority of my front smothering my upper arms shoulders, chest, breasts stomach whole of my abdomen, hips and thighs all the way down-to the knees and appearing again on my ankles and feet.

A shot of my upper arms. The pink scar is only 9 months old the others are like 2 to 4 years old and have faded. It's this distinct webbing and ribbing pattern along with hypopigmentation that never fades.

You know what's really REALLY strange? I can live with them... not only that.
Given this choice.

1: Be cured of your scars
or
2: Become a female but have double the scarring including my face.

I'd choose 2 in a heartbeat. Just gives some order of magnitude to the nature of the dysphoric feelings.

[Arch]

It really would be nice if you could find another way to hurt yourself that was actually healthy!

Its called a gym, or do any number of 'sports'.

I wish it had worked for me, but it just didn't. Exercise is constructive pain; I think that when I was a teenager and young adult, I felt the need to be truly destructive. Hence the drinking and the cutting. Fortunately, neither one ever got very bad. My mother taught me well; even when I felt that I was circling the drain, I did it in a controlled way.

P.S. Of course, when I was nineteen, my eczema came back with a vengeance, all over my body. I hurt all over, all the time, even when I didn't move. And perspiration was agony and made me break out even more. So exercise was out of the question. I suppose we all show our stress in our own way.
Post Merge: February 27, 2010, 12:29:03 PM

Of course with this reasoning it becomes easier the more masculine you are to sacrifice new regions your body, You truly hate your form so much and the next day it's worse and you'll you find a new way of hating it more than yesterday.

I'm sorry. Are you feeling better now?

[pebbles]

I'm sorry. Are you feeling better now?

Much better, thank you ^_^

[Arch]

Much better, thank you ^_^

GOOD.

[Inphyy]

I have never been a cutter. But I have many friends who are...I will not hold stigmas or stereotypes on any cutters here.

I'm not simply going to say, "Don't do it!" or "Stop!" as if it was that easy there wouldn't be cutters.

I have no experience myself so I'm not going to sit here typing, thinking I am.

So I just want to say good luck and the best thing to do is to socialize and at least try and talk to people who are close to you...Not to stop the cutting but to manage the pain and release it onto something else that's more healthy and productive.

Cutting may seem like a big release but it's not. That's why people keep coming back for more.

[PanoramaIsland]

I inflict shallow incisions on myself with a razor blade now and then. It's a masochistic thing - I find the mild pain and the emotional release erotic, calming - even a bit thrilling sometimes. It's not an addiction, though - I've never gotten a craving for it, just as I've never seriously craved alcohol or marijuana. I might get concerned if I did, but as it stands, I view cutting as part of a range of masochistic pleasures - akin to flogging, whipping, caning, electricity play and so on. I'm careful to use clean and fresh blades, and I have bandages on hand when I do it, so I don't view it as problematic.