Oh my god I did it!

[Sarah_Faith]

Im still in shock. Im literally just back from my psychiatrist.

Ive never spoke to anyone face to face about this before, Im almost still shaking. I dont know quite to think right now.

I finally told my psychiatrist about my gender dysphoria. It went again every grain in my body, as I have trained myself my whole life to not say a word to anyone.

I sat there talking to him about this; mouth dry, head going light, both elated and disturbed at what I had just done. Had I really just spoke the words I had sworn my whole life would not leave me?

Now I have opened the can of worms, I have to deal with it. He has offered for our next session that we go through some psychotherapy (prob sounds scarier than it is). I don't quite know what to say to him as speaking about this brings a mental barrier that is almost impossible to overcome - fear mostly of the consequences of my life long secret. I do know at leats that he knows about this and being a psychiatrist, has an open mind and is willing to deal with the situation.

It will take a few days to figure out how I feel right now, Im not quite sure myself. Im pretty sure though that this is a good day for Sarah Faith

Take care all,
Sarah

[4years]

YAYAYA! *HUG*
Yay Sarah!
That is a very important step! Not the first and not the last to be sure, but a very important step nonetheless!
I'm proud of you Lady Faith

[beth]

It is a good day for you Sarah!  You have taken a giant step and should be very proud of yourself.








beth

[Terri-Gene]

 "He has offered for our next session that we go through some psychotherapy (prob sounds scarier than it is)."

It is scary Sarah, you will be going back to look at things you may have conciously forgotten, or conciously want to hide or not think about, and you may not like some of it, but in the end, it is a good thing.  It is hard to be that open and vulnurable to another person, even if they are a professional with a plaque on the wall, but if you cooperate, and are totally honest, a lot of past and present life will be clearer to you.  Just depends on how good he is at his job and how much you want to examine yourself.

The fact that he is moving to this stage so quickly is a good indication of his quality and present evaluation of you.  To many of them skip this process altogether and just superficially scratch the surface and basically just rubber stamp initially and wait for the problems.  It sounds as if you may be in good hands.

Good luck to you and be nothing but yourself

Terri

[stephanie_craxford]

Congrats Sarah.

That is a huge step to have taken, you sound so happy. and now that you've opened that can of worms, it is way too diffucult to get them all back in, so go forward with what you are doing.  Being nervous and scared is very normal, I felt the same way as well, and yes it is way more scarier than it actually is.

I'm so happy for you, congrats again.

[Terri-Gene]

 "and yes it is way more scarier than it actually is."

A good way of putting it Steph.  I've seen a lot of it for most of my life, and surprising as it may sound, comparitively little of it having to do with Gender Identity, but with identity itself and things I was not ment to see, do, or be a part of at core.  I seem to be exceptionally comfortable with the gender issue and they would rather mess with other things for quite a while now, but they are wanting to screw around with things I know need work, but I'm not very cooperative about.

A good therapist can sometimes make past events to real, things that deeply disturbed you in the first place and even more at present, so, the reluctance.

My next visit is on the 15th and I guess I'm gonna have to give a little and let him play with it.  I know he has been wanting to.  He was very interested in our last conversation, he seemed to view it as some kind of breakthrough with me.  It scares me though.  I've gotten so used to the way I am, and at times depend on it, and close friends the same, that it will be strange for awhile if he has any success, I have no idea of the extent of the difference it would make.  Time for it though, I know that.

Terri

[Teri Anne]

There are many "oh my god, I did it" moments" if you choose to continue, ...  The first time you buy clothing.  The first time"come out" to a friend, a coworker, a family member.  The first time you dress and go OUTSIDE.  The first time you go to work as the real you.  The first time you confess to the person you love what your past was.  The first time you kiss them.  The first time you mate or marry  the one who loves and respects you for who you are.  If the religious folk hadn't swiped the term first, the most appropriate way to phrase what we go  through is being "reborn."  We are all babes, looking in wonder, wondering what will happen next.

[Sarah Louise]

Congratulations for being honest with your doctor, it doesn't do much good to go if your not willing to be truthful (I am a good one for talking, I am probably hiding more things from the doctor than I am telling her).

Keep up the good work.

Sarah Louise

[molly]

Hi Sarah:  I am in the place you just left, I have never talked with anyone about my desire/need to be a woman, not just in mind and spriit, but in physical form as well.  I have been aware of my feminine side since about five years old, and have dressed off and on over the years, but have have never come out or discussed - until now.

Over the last six months I am having a hard time controlling my femme time and I'm at the point where I need to talk with a professional to help me go forward.  If anyone knows of a TG friendly theripist in the northeast los angeles area (pasadena, arcadia, etc) I would appreaciate a name and reference.

Congradulations on your first step to sanity and a healthy self image.   I hope to share your same experience early in 2006.

Molly

[Shelley]

Hi Molly,

Welcome to Susan's and congratulations on the first step recognising within yourself that you neeed to go to therapy. I think you will also find Susan's a great help also.

Have you found the Wiki yet https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page a friend of mine is doing a fantastic job of filing it with all kinds of information and help.

Youmight also like to hop over to introductions and tell us a little more about yourself at introductions
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html Susan's is about sharing and this is a great way forus to begin shaing with you.

Shelley