Hi Tammy,
As someone that's been going through a really rough time with family acceptance (much less any open level of communication at all from many) since I finally "came out" into the world for the first time last year, I can only hope that things will begin to eventually improve for you.
Not knowing your age, but guessing you are still fairly young, it can present some pretty challenging problems, having to still live at home and dealing with being under their "rules and regulations"...
As your parents, it sounds like they still rightly feel that they are entitled to enforce or reinforce their feelings and preferences about your life, to whatever degree they feel is appropriate, based on their own personal feelings, prior lifestyles, personal, family, and religious influences, level of acceptance, information, and opemindedness and awareness of what else is actually going on in the real world around them, whether they like it or not....
Unfortunately though, at this moment, this apparently isnt allowing for you to have your real freedom of expression, much less understanding and acceptance that you would probably most dearly love and like to get from them...
Have you begun to clearly identify where you think you will eventually find yourself most comfortable in the gender spectrum ? and if so, is getting any professional support or other counseling to help you get through all of this, available to you in any way at all ?
How soon could you possibly begin to move towards independance so that you will have the chance to control your own personal actions and feelings more without direct interference or constant hiding from them ? If this is not a possibility for quite awhile, then you must find ways to compromise to keep what little peace with them that you may have, until you have the independance and assistance to make your desires a more fearless reality...
A lot also depends on your personal history with your parents and what your relationship to both of them was like before all this came to their attention.
Do you (or did you) have fairly good, loving, and positive relations with fairly open communications with them ?
Have they ever shown the willingness and ability to take you seriously as a person, with your own valid and valuable thoughts, feelings , concepts, and views of the world as you have begun to get older and start growing up ? If so, how can you use that to your advantage in trying to begin communicating a little with them about this in a manner which wont cause a total meltdown ? You know them best, so only you would know that....
Is that level of communication with these parents even possible for you, or are they potentially completely close-minded to you on these personal levels ? It sounds like they may be, but they may also just need some more time to absorb and begin to process what they are dealing with.
Are there times and places you can go to still be as you would like to be ? Do any of your friends know, and if so, are they willing to help give you space to just get real when you may really need or want to ?
There are a lot of questions that all of this brings up, and most will have an answer somplace along this line for you, if you are truly that compelled to express yourself in gender in this manner. You know you have a safe place here to get support and express your thoughts and feelings. As well, there are many resources that, depending on your situation and location in the world, many of the folks here could maybe help to link you up with, if you get to the point of feeling like you really need some support closer to home or school, if that is still an option for you...
I can tell you, Im having to learn a great deal of patience with others in my life about what i'm dealing with, but eventually it will come to the point of not being able to compromise myself any longer for any of them - no matter what. If we cant naturally just BE, and honestly express ourselves as who and what we are, and exactly how we honestly feel most content, we will be no good to our own selves, much less anyone else because of the complete buildup of stress, anxiety, anger, and resentment that this can eventually cause for many people in similar circumstances....
I hope that some of this can help, and i know i asked alot of personal questions, but since it seems to have already come to a bit of a crisis level with your folks, it would help to know a little more of your real circumstances and quality of relations prior to this event, before knowing better how we can all help to give you the most correctly appropriate levels of support and information....
And a good mum will usually always love her kids, no matter what, but again, she may need a little time, and possibly intervention from your dad - depending on whther you think you can get him or another family member to be on your side to help discuss the matter with her if you think it really will have to come to that.
If they are truly impossibly angry, very closeminded, or really bigoted, then you may have to consider going into hiding for a while longer until you can begin to leave their control of you're life behind you....
Please be well, be real strong as you can, hang in there, and know that you've got a lot of loving support here, no matter what...
Lovingly always,
Sincerely,
ChefAnnagirl
