Ive been thinking a lot lately about why it seems so hard for some and so easy for others to disclose who we are, whether we are cross dressers or transgendered. Some of this is of course personality based, and for those that confidently take life by the horns, I think its remarkable. But for others that arent type A personalities, I suspect it takes a little bit more. Even who we tell differs in how we approach each person.
To simply say its fear of rejection, etc is probably too simplistic. I wonder if its something more...
When you are in a relationship with someone... friend, family, SO... the relationship is sometimes like a rubber band. Picture the two of you at opposite ends of a large rubber band, leaning against it from the inside so as to make it taut.
Next picture one of you moving a little closer to the center of the circle where the rubber band starts to loosen up and it will soon fall if only you move.
Now picture the other person noticing the rubber band starting to fall and in order to keep it from falling, they step back further away from you so as to keep the rubber band taut.
Now picture yourself deciding to lean back against the rubber band again in reaction to the other person pulling away from you. However, if you lean too far back the rubber band will break so you can only lean so far if you don't want to break the band.
The rubber band represents your relationship or at least how you perceive it. The two of you leaning against the rubber band are congruent to the way you act in your relationship. If you are comfortable with the other person the rubber band resizes as you move closer to the center. Neither of you worry about the rubber band breaking or falling down. Confiding in that person, trusting them... is easy and natural. And you are not afraid...
If however your relationship constantly requires manual re-adjustment, your fear of loss of trust and/or acceptance constant keeps you at odds with those around you. You can never hope to close the distance, and you will not be able to achieve the level of trust to be who you really want to be...
Everyone is different and every situation equally so... but Ive noticed so far, at least for myself, that as Ive stopped worrying about the rubber band, Ive been able to find comfort in trusting someone else. In sharing with them a part of me Ive kept hidden for so long.
Maybe instead of a rubber band we should strive for the slinky model instead...
There you are, happily living your life, when there is a distrubance in the coils, perhaps by chancing trust. They shake, and vibrate, and move about, sometimes, often times causing movement, slight, or great.
The other person actually gets involved, and there is much movement, and the coils expand and contract until you achieve some semblance of equilibrium or they go away, then the coils settle down and balance is achieved once again.
But they do balance one way or another...
Just be careful though.. sometimes your movement is because someone sent you down the steps.
