Thanks Steph. I took that one after getting home from work the other day, still in Kaiser Fleet Uniform, and having run a comb through my hair to clear out the out and about tangles. The one immediately prior was taken when I got home from the SF Pride Dyke march before I came back to Susans after leaving to address some problems with my feelings and psychology.
Like I said, hassle free being Butch. No makeup or special lighting or angles to fuss with, in fact it appears I got a light glare on my forehead and face which I didn't notice until putting it up. The older one, in the white top showing the cleavage and the other one I occasionally used in the black jumpsuit were examples of complete makeup and specifically angled shots, they were taken in the late 90's, back when I had a more fem presentation which hasn't been the case for several years at least now.
I still do that game on occassion though when some of my str8 girl friends want to pretty me up and take me out. I go along with it in respect for their feelings and they would rather I pass in total without notice when out with them in their own hangouts where a Dyke, or Butch would not exactly fit in. In my own hangouts, people would fall over sideways if I were seen like that and they like me just as I am and is what you really see in the early morning. No surprises, or where'd she go?.
As to the Trains, what the heck. Occassionally one does run over me, but I take pleasure in the fact that they get bent wheels and derailed when they do....
And 4years, ..... They do realize that, Every doctor that has anything to do with me for anything or problem has seen my chart and knows everything there is to know about me in a medical sense, even their MA's and nursing staff. I'm kind of an after hours discussion topic. One of their very own. I'd be surprised to find a Kaiser Medical Employee in Roseville area who hasn't seen that chart, officially or out of curiosity because someone had it out. If you believe in medical confidentuality in regards to anything other then public official practice, then I might be able to dig up a few bridges you can buy real cheap.
The problem with it is simple. If I were a natural born woman, in menapause, I would not have been allowed to take estrogen back at the time I started on it because of Hepititus C and associated Liver Problems. With the Blood clot problems and whatever it was last year, again, a natural born woman would not be medically allowed to take estrogen, My female partner that I work with is post menapausal and is not allowed to take estrogen for it because her mother has chronic heart problems and so there is a history of heart problems in her family and that is enough to prevent her from taking it, and there are other risks in my case. In fact I have several things going on which would prevent a female person from being eligible for estrogen. My female partner and I are a special case. She is a highly senior Kaiser employee and while well liked and thought of, she was never able to get along with any other employyes, male or female, in a close working relationship because of her constant PMS dealings with working partners, yet we have been working together for almost 3 years now and have an excellent working relationship and are always fighting like cats on the prowl and hugging to make up afterwards. No one else has been able to survive more then a few months working with her before I was stationed with her. It seems we have a understanding of each other on deep levels and can allow for each others attitudes and stresses.
In short, if not for the years long relationship with these doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, and their realization of what this means to me, their affection and personal interest in me, I would not be a canidate for hormones at all period. The medical risk to my health and or life is simply to great. The odds are overwhelmingly against me, even without it.
It is a Privialage for them to even consider me as a canidate for HRT from the beginning and has only been allowed to continue at all because they do recognize that I am not much into life purely for the sake of life itself, It must have meaning for me to live it and I have always done exceptionally well on hormones, despite the problems until this more recent problems. In short, they Believe in me.
In actuality, they are battleing their medical ethics in a desire to weigh in my "quality of life". No gatekeepers here.
Terri
