So confussed

[rachel_harder]

Hi my name is Rachel and I have just accepted the fact that I am tg.  My wife and have broken up because of this but she has told me if I could be happy with just crossdressing we could try and make are marriage work.  I told her I would not be happy with just crossdressing so she left me.  Now four months later I told my parents about me and my wife is starting to get on with her life.  So now i am starting to feel like i made a very big mistake and I do really still want to be with my wife, so now I dont know now if I need to get the change.  I was just wondering if anyone else has had something similar happen to them.

[myles]

Rachel I am a FTM who has been with my partner for over 16 years. I thought about the same thing you are going through long and hard for 2 years and finally started transitioning. At this point i still have my SO in my life. I realized the longer I tried to 'hide" it of squash it down, the angrier I became and then was not a good partner to be around. In the end she would have left me either way because I was such a miserable person I was not good to be around. I was where you are now a little over 2 years ago and here I am transitioning in the end. I think you have to figure it out for yourself in your situation, but in the end you can not run and hide from who you truly are!
Cheers and Good Luck on your journey!
Myles

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Rachel,

Welcome to our little family. Over 2700 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out

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I also lose my wife because of this thing.  But I am happier now and I have someone new in my life.  She also makes me happy. 

Janet

[heatherrose]

I'm glad that you found your way here. Welcome. The portion of your story that
you shared is almost identical to mine, including questioning yourself and your
motives. We all have self doubts and insecurities, it is all part of the process.
I would be worried for you, if you were on the "Fast Track". Are you seeing a
therapist who is experienced in issues of Gender Identity, someone who you are
comfortable talking to that will allow you express your fears? We are here and
understand. Some of us are where you are at now, some have been there, done
that and have framed the t-shirt and still other are just starting on their journey
of self discovery. You only need to be be yourself, don't try and compare yourself
with the others. This is not a race, Don't be afraid to ask yourself these questions.
You are the only one who can answer them and you are the only one who will suffer,
If you refuse to. Above all things may you find peace.

[bernii]

Rachel, Rachel, Rachel!

You and I really need to talk hon!! For years, I tried very hard to remain the husband that I knew I really was not in order to keep my marriage afloat. I ultimately got divorced, because I just couldn't lie anymore. For myself, I learned that the longer you repress who you are, the more aggressive she will be to come out, until that one fateful day, she explodes out of you. Hon, being trans is not a choice. If it were, I think most of us would simply choose not to be trans. Being trans is hard!! To be transgendered is simply who we are and how we were born. Hon, you cannot help it!! You can try to control being trans in you own way, but you will finally realize that that just makes you more miserable. Dearest, heve ou seen a gender therapist yet? If you haven't, I strongly suggest that you do to sort all of this out.

I have a couple of links that you and your wife should read. I think these will help you and your wife to better understand where you are coming from.
http://wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html

Read these documents, and I hope your wife reads therm too!

HUGS

Brenda

[Cindy]

Hi Rachel

I came out to my wife before we married and she accepted Cindy. I was intending SRS at the time but put it off. We've been married for 27yrs. Circumstances, due to health issues, have changed and I'm slowly going down the transition footpath.

I think if the wife didn't know her husband was really a she it is a big shock that is almost impossible to get over.

But as the other girls have said, in the end it's up to you. It's almost impossible to live a lie about your most basic identity.

I'm always amazed about how similar MtF stories are, and FtM for that matter. It's so damn obvious that the condition exists and it cannot be hidden from.

Sorry
Feel a rant coming on

Exit stage left


Love Cindy

[heatherrose]

Exit stage left

Y'ain't gots ta go nowheres, Gurfren.

[Cindy]

Hi Heatherrose


I remember that line "Exit stage left" from somewhere. Was it Rowan and Martin?

Any ideas. It may have been a cartoon.

Cindy

[Janet_Girl]

Just for you GF....

Snagglepuss!

Nee A Eee... Exit Stage Left
Snagglepuss.



Janet

[rachel_harder]

Thank you all so much for every thing you have said.  I do not have a theripest yet because of  financel reasons.  I have so much to think about I hope that I will make the right choice.
Rachel

[tekla]

Of course, the real joke was when ever Sangglepuss 'exited stage left' he, in fact, went stage right.

[Rachel]

I can understand some of you're worries, though I thankfully do not have a marriage to ruin.  But I can tell you this, I could not hide who I am though I did try to not worry my parents, because my relationship with my father is troubling due to this.

In all honesty, a Gender Therapist would help you greatly, and you should also take a deep look in yourself.  Think not of what may happen if you do transition, think only this "Can I live as a man for the rest of my life."  Don't even bring anyone but you into the equation for now.  If your answer is yes I can live as a man, well that's your choice.  If your answer is, "I cannot live a lie."  then I would say living as a man to save your marriage will just ruin it in the end anyway, for the real you will come exploding out of you eventually.

But that is totally up to you, its your life, your soul, and I think a Gender Therapist would help you out greatly.  And not one of those "I wanna fix myself." Therapist, a supporting one that is actually looking after your mental health and not sticking to social norms.