Apology

[Jessica]

I think I owe a lot of apologies.  I have been really self-absorbed into my problems and issues.  I haven't stepped back and looked at how really lucky I have been.

1.  I have loving and wonderful parents that accept me for who I am, and while they don't understand this at all, they accept it.  In a way I am really glad they don't understand it because if they were able to understand it, that means they would have gone through the same craziness that I have, and I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

2.  I have a college degree in a marketable field (unless they really do outsource all the programming jobs overseas)

3.  I have a really good job, granted I do not forsee them allowing me to transition at work because this is Alabama, but, I can do a lot of things and save a really good bit of money until I am ready and do small stuff along the way and then I can change jobs and move.

4.  I have a really great therapist who I really enjoy talking to, not just to be talking and taking active steps towards resolving my feelings, but who I really enjoy talking with because we get along really well.  I feel like I can be open and honest with her without judgement which is really nice.

I don't know how I actually got 'here' but I am here and I have been incredibly lucky to have survived.  For this, today, I am very happy!  It's like, a fish, if she keeps swishing her tail, and follows certain rules, some instinctual, some learned, the following things happen:
1. She goes places
2. She doesn't get eaten.

I have been so self-absorbed that I haven't ever really looked around at the places I have been swimming by.
I am feeling lucky today that I haven't been 'eaten' by life and I realized, I am looking at my life going, holy crap, how did I get here, and I am starting to look around.

I owe a lot of apologies to everyone for being so self-absorbed into my own issues and problems that I ignored their issues and problems, it was selfish of me.  This doesn't just apply to these boards, but to life in general, I just figured I would start here.

*edited to add* oops, can you move this to the general topics?  Sorry

Jessica

[beth]

hello Jessica,

                 i did notice that you mostly just posted in threads relating to you, and when answering others posts you just talked about how the subject related to yourself. even when others offered advice you didnt acknowledge it sometimes, just telling about how you resolved it yourself outside of the forum.  this is actually common as i have witnessed it before in others and myself at times.   i knew that eventually you would start to get your feet back on the ground. you have progressed in just a few weeks to a point that many of us took decades to reach. i know that is overwhelming. your parents are so special and understanding, make sure you behave unselfishly toward them now, they deserve it and if you dont you risk the chance that they might start to feel regret. when you start telling others and meeting new friends try to be yourself without making all conversation relate to you and your transition. many people assume you are a man wanting to be a woman, they initially look for signs of confirmation of that thought. i believe being your true self and somewhat humble at first can go a long way toward having people think "she really is a woman".

                talking bout others problems and thinking of possible solutions will actually help you. many times it makes me think more deeply about myself and my own actions. many problems and happy moments of others will eventually happen to you and knowledge of the subject will be invaluable. i accept your apology but do not feel guilty, you have been on a whirlwind that is finally starting to subside.


beth

[Cassandra]

Jessica,

I really don't see any need to apologise, but just the same apology accepted. Talking about yourself to the point of ignoring the advice others were giving you, as Beth pointed out,
is natural. Beth said you have progressed a great deal in a short period of time. She has been here a long time and knows what she's talking about so take her at her word. Don't start beating yourselve up now. If you feel like beating something get a punching bag. Very usefull for relieveing stress.

Take care,

Cassie

[beth]

Cassie,

i wish i had been here a long time but i havent, ive lost track of time but i think it was april, just like 4 months ago. there are some that have been here for years and have a wealth of experience to help us all. there are so many wonderful things to learn here, and i learn from the experienced and sometimes from the first posts of someone new.



love

beth

[Jessica]

Thank you both *hugs*

Jessica

[LostInTime]

I was accused of being selfish by someone waaaay back when I started my journey of discovery.  I agreed with that person and told them that I had been putting myself last to please others for most of my life and now I deserved some me time.

Most of us go through that stage, some never get out of it, but it is completely natural.  It will not be that much longer before you build your own wealth of info to share with the world.

Good luck with everything. 

[wajdi]

Re: 4.2 above:  some "fish" LIKE to be eaten . . .

yer dad