My Mum and Dad have been pretty good about my transition and I have been down to visit them (in role) several times in the last couple of years - but I had to dodge neighbours, was asked not to go in the summer months when it was lighter in the evenings and some people would sit outside in sun loungers into the evening etc.
I went down yesterday to take my Mum's 79th birthday card straight after a dental appointment at noon so I foned my Mum and asked if the coast was clear - she said "Well the next door neighbour's home for his dinner.....Oh sod it.....just come anyway"
I'd changed my name to the feminised version of my birth name cos I thought it easiest for family and friends and I've been signing cards and suchlike with a vague squiggle on the end so that they could still be shown to people who didn't know........ but I'd already come to the conclusion that the Time Had Come and they were going to have to start using my new name and getting the gender pronouns right. I intended to talk to them about it very soon.....
I signed this card "Stephanie xxx"
My Mum amazed me by using the correct name and gender pronouns all afternoon! - except for a couple of slips which she self-corrected.
As I said goodbye, I told her that I'd noticed and how much it meant to me and she said "Well, it had to come and I am TRYING to educate your father, but you know what he's like" (Aspergers, for one thing...)
Foned my ex when I got home and learned that the subject had come up when her and Mum talked on the fone earlier that day.
Mum said "Well....... he's....SHE'S obviously not going to change her mind and is going to be like this for the rest of her life so I suppose I'll have to make the effort ....... I've tried, but I just can't seem to do it..... can't get the words out........ so most of the time I've just been phrasing things so I don't have to say a name or use a gender, but I suppose the time has come....."
Bless my Mum...... I know that after more than half a century, it can't be easy for them....
Funny though...... that I should have made the decision to put my foot down and insist and on the same day, she had already made up her own mind ...... become resigned to it.
So...... looks like I might be on the Home Straight with my family at last.
- it's taken 26 months......
(a long post........ Yes, I could have just put "Yay....my Mum finally used my new name and referred to me as She....." but I think it means more to the reader when there's a story, a context. )
