So I'm kind of stuck

[Aaden]

Okay, so I posted a topic a while back about coming out to my sister, and well basically my family, but I can't seem to do it. I'm scared of their reactions. I don't talk to my sister anymore, so I don't care about telling her to be honest.

But heres the thing, I really want to tell my mom. Like I said before I think she suspects something, but won't say anything. The other day I went to get a haircut (i cut my hair, because I was pissed that no one would take me, and I cut it really short and messed up lol), so then I came back and my mom saw it (she was shopping at the mall). She gave me a really dirty look and asked me why I can't be feminine, and then started showing me shirts and jeans and saying, its really pretty, why don't you try it on. I, of course refused and she got mad, so I got mad, and we didn't talk.

Then a couple weeks passed, and she took me shopping, because I asked her to take me cause i need clothes. We went into Anchor Blue (not sure if you guys know it?), and she let me choose two shirts from the guys side. She didn't even ask me if I wanted shirts from the girls section, she just pointed at some shirts they had on sale in the guys section, and said pick two. She put up no argument, or anything. So I was surprised. Then we went into the jean section. I REALLY REALLY hate wearing womens jeans, you don't know how bad I hate it. I grabbed some that are two sizes larger, and just said, I'm done. Obviously the  jeans still suck, and I hate them so bad, but back to the point.

So then a couple more days passed and she asked me, "Why do you do your hair like that? Do you like it?" I don't really like being questioned what I like, so I just quickly said, "Yes mom, I do my hair like this all the time." and she didn't say anything else. So now, my mom hasn't said anything, and I'm not really sure if she knows I'm trans, but I also don't want her to think of me as a lesbian, because...thats just not who I am.

Like she isn't fighting me, but I know that if I said something like, "Mom I want to get jeans from the guys section." she would say no and start a big fight with me. Do you think I should just come out to my mom? I think shes trying to figure me out, and shes doing it really really slowly. So what do you guys think? I mean I'm not sure if she would totally accept it, but then again I think she will. I'm kind of stuck.

[heatherrose]

Neither one of you have been through this before.
Your Mom doesn't sound like she's "fighting" you on this,
she has no idea what she would be fighting about.
Perhaps you have an ally and don't even realize it.
Maybe the opposite is true. There is only
one way to find out for sure.

[Nicky]

It sounds to me like she just wants to know what is going on as she notices you are not like other 'girls', but she does not know how to approach it.

I think it was absolutely good of her to point out the guys shirts. You should thank her for that.

It sounds to me like you are the one feeling frustrated and angsty and wanting to lash out. Perhaps it is time to sit down for a decent chat and not get offended if she does not get it right away or offers some resistance to the idea.

[K8]

Aaden, your mom is sending you all sorts of signals that she will accept you - she just needs to know what you are for her to accept.

Find a quiet place where you can think.  Think of how you can explain your feelings and what you are in a way that is positive and clear.  Keep working on it until you have it clear in your own mind.  You want to be open and honest and loving.  Your mother obviously knows something's up and that you are troubled.  You want to be able to tell where what that is in a way that she will be able to understand.

Once you get it clear in your head, find a time with you mother when you can be alone together and you both can be relaxed and can have a long conversation undisturbed if it comes to that.  Start out by telling your mother that you love her.  Mention that you've been having trouble and want her help.  Then run through what you came up with when you were working this out by yourself.

It sounds very much like your mom loves you.  Give her the opportunity to love you.

Good luck, dear.  (Us older ladies are allowed to call you young men "dear." )

- Kate

[Aaden]

Thanks guys! I can't tell my mom without help, because I'm really nervous. This is a big thing, so I've decided I'm going to get the counselor at school to help me. He knows a lot about what goes on in my life, and I think he would be willing to help me out. After all last time I had a problem, he got my mom too sit down with me

So I do think he will be understanding, so I'm going to try and ask for advice. Its going to be hard either way, but I think having him help me tell my mom will be the best way.

[thestory]

The hardest part is letting it out. The fear can keep you stuck and you end up going nowhere. It is better to just tell her and get it over with. I came out to my mom about wanting to transition and she was off-put by the idea but mainly because of concerns for my well being. She of course knew little about people who are trans so I had to explain a bit and console her that I would be okay.
Your mom's frustrations could be spurred from the same sort of worries. It seems to be a parent thing. If you just talk with her things may go smoother than expected. And if they don't at least it's out in the open. And if you love your parents it's probably more painful to keep lying to them, than to be honest.

[Aaden]

Good news. He listened to me, and even understood where I was coming from and agreed to help me tell my mom. It was really hard to tell him. We walked around for about 40 minutes, until I finally spilled it out. I have never been so nervous in my life.

But it just feels so fake, idk why. I feel like I'm living in a fantasy world, now that I finally told someone about the real me, but it also feels really good, and awesome. I plan on setting up a 'meeting' with my mom on monday or tuesday next week. So hopefully that goes well too.

[Nicky]

Hey, that's awsome. Good idea to get help.

It can be difficult getting used to talking about it, and it is ok to admit that to whomever you are talking to.

[aurora17]

Maybe you shoulld just go and boldly tell your mom... Apparently she needs closure and you need too, so it might be the best way to get it done...

[heatherrose]

Maybe you shoulld just go and boldly tell your mom...

Your Mom might be hurt to know that you felt more comfortable
talking about something so personal with a stranger.
Maybe talking to her yourself first would be a good idea.

[Aaden]

This guy isn't a stranger. He knows my mom very well and not to mention me..
The reason I went to him first was because I knew he would help me out and wouldn't criticize me for anything. On the other hand he was very supportive of me and encouraged me to live my life how I want, not as a lie. He also has a way of getting my mom to relax and listen to me for once, because usually when I'm trying to tell her something my mom doesn't really want to hear it, because she works and is stressed out so much. So, I doubt my mom would be upset I told him first. I have very good reasons for telling him first anyway.

[heatherrose]

Sounds like you have got it under control. Good for you.

[Aaden]

So, i guess you guys were right lol. My mom already knew, but not the whole story. She thought I was a lesbian, and she said that everyone knows in the family, they were just waiting for me to say something. She told me that I could do whatever I wanted, because it was my life. If i wanted to change my name, etc, I can do it. I'm pretty happy now. I feel so much better now that I have finally said something (even tho i cried when I told her) lol. Moms know everything, you can never hide anything

[heatherrose]

GREAT for you, Little Bro'.

[Vancha]

I've heard the saying that "moms know everything" but mine thought I was just "eccentric".  She knew I'd been with women, and she knew I wanted to "be a man", but didn't think of it as being such a serious thing.     Congratulations, though.  One small step for man, one giant leap for... Well, your life.

[Steffi]

Very glad for you hun     (and your Mum rocks!) 

[Ender]

Congrats.  It sounds like you handled that pretty well.  So did your mom, for that matter.