Telling the difference

[Maddie Secutura]

I don't want to come off as offensive but how does one tell the difference between a butch lesbian and a transguy who is pre-T?  I know that it's frustrating to hear ma'am (i get sir'd occasionally and it bugs me).  But I don't want to say sir to the wrong person who might take offense to being called a man.  Usually I just leave out the title but it would still be nice to pick up on some indicators.

[Alex_C]

I just love those people who dress all male then get offended if they get a "sir". Myself, well, my avatar is what I looked like just before going on T, I need to get some more up to date pics taken, 3 months on T have made me a bit more male looking. Right now I just take the "sir" or "ma'am" whatever I'm called graciously and without comment.

But you may get the easily offended types and frankly it's hard to tell because so many are so "metro" so just some suggestions *I* can think of, I'm sure others will weigh in and make this an interesting thread:

Hair - Transmen will try to have a more "male" haircut in many cases.
Bulge - Transmen will often "pack" (wear a "stuffer) in their pants
Friends - what are their friends calling them? Try to overhear that
Testosterone - This will increase body hair, lower voice, etc.

A lot of transmen become "invisible". You just see another dude. The ones that scream to you, "Is that a transman or a butch?" are pre-hormones or haven't been on hormones long. We don't stand out after about 2 years on the "juice".

[Miniar]

When in doubt, I figure, it's better to ask than to keep saying the wrong word, making people feel horrible and angry.
Yeah, it's hard to be asked "uhm, sir? or miss?", but it's better, to me at least, than to get missed.

[aubrey]

when in doubt...don't say any gender pronouns ( such as "hello" instead of "hello sir/ma'am" ) and if you get the chance...ask them

[Teknoir]

Good question.

Peach fuzz. Just about every T-man shaves, even pre-T. I don't think butch lesbians do that.

Not quite as accurate, but if you can overhear / oversee their first name, that can sometimes be a cue. Unambiguous male name, confusing appearance - chances are it's a transman.

Speaking as a transman, I understand the confusion that can happen. I try to ease this burden whenever approprite by using male terms towards myself (as in "I'm a something-or-other guy").

I wouldn't suggest looking at anyone's pants - it might be taken the wrong way  .

[Kvall]

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