Hi

[~Erica]

Hi, I'm new here.
I have been questioning my gender identity. As a child I often wished to be a girl. (On one occasion, my sisters dressed me up as one when I was seven, and I loved it) Shortly after, I realized this was not normal and became ashamed. For the last 10 years I have been repressing any of those feelings and have been acting as boyish as possible.   

I'm considering transitioning, but it seems so hard to do. How will I tell my friends and family? What if it turns out I regret my decision? Everyone knows me as a boy and I fear they will think of me as insane if I tell them. My parents, well... I know they are accepting people and would get angry or threaten to kick me out, but I still fear telling them. I can't get over the shame and guilt I feel.

Then there always is the question, am I really transgendered or am I confused? Could it just be a phase? I fear if I take no action, that these feeling will overcome me at a later date when its exponentially harder to transition.

I'm really sorry for the life story, its just I've had this bottled up and I don't have anyone to talk to.

Thank you

[Cindy]

Hi Erica
You are very welcome here. I have just removed your age from your post to prevent any unwanted replies.

Take time to look around.

Hugs
Cindy

[V M]

Hi Erica, Welcome to Susan's 

There are actually quite a few folks your age here. You should have no trouble finding friends to talk to

There are also many experienced folks with plenty of advise and suggestions to offer 

[~Erica]

Forgive me, I must have missed that rule.
Thanks for the responses. 

[Cindy]

Nothing to be worried about. Just trying to protect you.

Can you talk to your family doctor or talk to a school therapist about your concerns? I presume you are in the USA, I'm not, so it makes it a little difficult to give advice. There are lots of issues to deal with and a good therapist really help. Have you talked to your Mum and Dad? There is no shame in being "different", there is no shame in questioning your sexuality, there is totally no reason to feel bad about yourself.

Parents (generally ) love their children. They go through a lot to bring us up and devote themselves to us. Yes, they may be shocked at first. They will need time to think. It's a shock to you, it will be to them. That's why it might be a good idea to talk to the family doctor or a school therapist.

This is a good site to discuss things, feel free to do so. We are now a new family for you. We know what it's like, so welcome again.

Cindy

[~Erica]

Well, I'm just really afraid of coming out to anyone. I do, however, have suspicions that my mom already has a clue. However, I believe she just thinks that I'm just gay. I can't explain why I'm afraid of telling my parents, I just am. Perhaps they will treat me as their physiologically deranged child for the rest of their lives, never treating me with respect. How they view me is very important to me.  
My doctor seems like a grumpy old man; hard to talk to or open up to. He seems to make everything awkward.
I don't really think my school has anyone that I could discuss the issue with. They are just there to help with school related problems.
Maybe I will bite the bullet and come out to my parents soon. If they are supportive, it will help 500%.

[jesse]

hi hun i would start with a therapist if you can find a way to get to one. i can tell you that a phase does not last 10 years. the sad thing about GID is it never goes a way some develope ways to cope with it so they dont transitions others orthers cant transition fast enough
there are lots of god people you can explore your feelings with here this is the main reason i love susans theres always someone here to help when things go to crap or your feeling down
jessica

[~Erica]

I must elaborate that within those 10 years, I haven't had that many thoughts about my gender. I guess I accepted the fact that I couldn't change it and went on with my life. It was rekindled about a year ago when I saw some transsexual girls on youtube who looked like beautiful natural women. I didn't know about HRT before, and this discovery made me reconsider becoming a girl.

[jesse]

that is the way gid it works it comes and goes based on what triggers it the problem is it gets worse as you get older and you find yourself doing crazy things like buying cloths then throwing them away out of fear of being discovered GID has been documented in 70 year olds you should definately seek out a therapist who specializes in gender issues to clerify your feelings. there are methods you can use to cope with it or you can elect to fix the problem. this is a issue that existed at birth and is rarely dectectable w/o an autopsie at death the secion of the brain that deals with gender is very small and is formed prior to birth and the physical assignment of genders by DNA may not match the mental assignment at birth.
hugs
jessica

[~Erica]

You are right, I guess it is best that I contact a therapist. I think... I think I will tell my parents this week. (hopefully)
Thanks for everyone's help.

[jesse]

no probs hun i went threw 40 years trying to adjust to being a guy in the end i couldnt do it i and im sure many others here dont want to see you suffer that if you truly have gid your therapist hopefully with the help and understanding of your parents can give you options it is much better to live in the gender you truly are then to suffer the mental anguish depression anxiety and other issues that come with trying to fit in a gender role that is not you.
jessica