If you read this and don't understand then feel free to google "psychotic features of bipolar".
I got up at 5pm today. I slept all weekend, skipping meals. I need my hormones but I don't feel like it. My body aches. Trazodone don't work much on helping me to sleep. No matter how much I stretch before bed, I still feel like I cannot sit still or lay still. I wanted to play video games but I didn't feel like getting the controller and actually playing. I have severe writer's block - and my brother's a writer too and he's ALREADY got his book finished and ready to publish.
I miss my dog. I have the song "Don't Cry" by GNR on repeat. The original verses... it sounds like my dog is speaking to me through that song.
"Talk to me softly
There is something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside ya
I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you
And don't you know"
I'm very sad yet sort of excited. I can't explain it. It's too weird. The voices are coming and going, but without meds they drive me nuts! The past two days I've missed my morning medicine. My mood feels curiosity, anger, betrayed, and apathetic.
When I listen to music the voices or "noise" stops temorarily. Lately I've been seeing people walk around, if I stare into space, I can see... well...souls walking and bumping into each other and going through each other and then when it's dark i see the blue outline like i saw when grandma died, and they try to take shape but they can't. I feel like I'm sitting beside myself. This is crazy. But I'm not crazy. Just the situations are. I also feel that the whole world is watching me. There ARE cameras everywhere, and I think this computer room is bugged, reason is because i saw words on t.v. that i've heard mum and i say when we're alone. it usually happens on a gospel channel OR a news channel, mainly FOX news or CNN.
everyone in my town thei license plate have ###-CPK. It scares me. I think my cousin's dad was right, time IS coming to an end. I gotta be ready. You do too. there will be no rapture before tribulations, but yet AFTER the tribulations. So saved people will endure pain and suffering too.
shoooo! i will not re-read this. it's here in PMS zone so I could let it out. Thanks.
Post Merge: October 29, 2009, 09:10:14 PM
I gotta get something off my chest without creating another thread...
my ten year old step nephew called me a "dudette". I said "what?!" he said "Dudette, like a girl, cus you are one" <<<< That made me mad, especially considering I could have called him not so nice names because he has a white mother and a black father. BUT I would absolutely NEVER say that to him. It wasn't his fault that he was born with brown skin and black hair, etc.
I told him that it wasn't nice and I reminded him that women don't have beards, then I made him feel my beard.
Does anyone know how to deal with a situation like this? Mum's going to have a talk with him about it, and I'd like to tell my brother and his wife about it. He gets in alot of trouble because he's been steered wrong. that's sad. and I hope he will see a neurologist or psych doctor because if he keeps up, mum and I are afraid that he'll be a bully. he failed grade K.
