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[Syles81]

Hello,
         I'm FtM. Ever since I was a kid I've always felt I was born in the wrong body.  I feel I can never change myself into an actual male because of my religious beliefs, and also, because I'm terrified of having any kind of surgery done. I've told a few people that I'm FtM. I want so bad to tell my mother, but I just can't do it. I hate living in this female body. I feel so trapped. I've always felt I was born in the wrong body. I don't except myself for being this way and I never will. I'll be alone for the rest of my life and never get girlfriend.  It's so frustrating being this way, knowing that I'll be in this female body forever and never have a girlfriend. Even though I don't except myself and never will for being trans, I still want to be recognized as being male. It's kinda hard to explain, but I wear unisex clothing. Nothing girly. I won't wear any girl stuff. Basicly, I want to live my life as a male, but I'll never accept myself for it. 

I don't even know if I can pass as a guy anymore. I used to be able to pass as a boy all the time when I was younger, even in my teens,  and I'll be 28 in a few days and I look exacly the same as I did when I was a teenager, I don't understand why I can't pass anymore. I bind my chest. I guess my face is too feminine. I don't know what to do to look more male. Any suggestions?

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Syles81,

Welcome to our little family. Over 3800 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks
  

Have you sought out a gender therapist?  And you have not mentioned if you are on HRT or not.  But maybe the guys can help you out.

Blessed Be.
Janet

[LordKAT]

Welcome to Susan's

It sounds like you have some conflicting emotions there. It is possible to make some changes with hormones but you have to be aware that some are permanent and it can be a heath risk. I don't know what country your in but that makes a difference on how you start. You may want to see a gender therapist to help sort things out and they can write letters to get treatment as needed.

Glad you found us.

[Syles81]

I'm afraid of taking hormones. I'm afraid of the changes it will cause and what the side effects would be. I see a regular counselor. It took me like 10 years to actually tell her I was trans. I didn't want anyone to know, it's not something I'm proud of. I feel so frustrated. I don't know what to do. I want so bad to change myself into a guy. I don't know if I feel jealous or sad when I hear that other FtM have made a full transition to male. I want that so bad but I know that will never happen for me because of my religious beliefs.

btw what is HRT? I'm sorry I don't know what that is.

[K8]

Welcome to Susan's, Syles.  There are lots of people here who are where you are or have been there.  I'm going the other direction (MTF), but I can identify with the problems of trying to accept yourself and afraid to do anything or tell anyone.

HRT is short-hand for hormone treatment.  (Actually, it is hormone replacement therapy, developed for post-menopausal women, but we often use the term to mean any hormone treatment.)

For me, one of the most important things in the beginning was the realization that being transgendered is a normally-occurring condition.  It is unusual, but it happens naturally in somewhere between 1 in 500 and 1 in 10,000 births.  (Most people who study this think that the 1 in 10,000 estimate is way too low.)  Being transsexual is just part of the diversity of natural life.

The problem is that many societies and many religions say we are bad people because of the way we were born.  And that is a hard thing for many of us to overcome.

But you are among friends here, Syles.  Look around, ask questions, give us your thoughts.

Welcome.

- Kate

[Syles81]

Thanks Kate. 

[k_tech]

welcome, syles. i hope you find many answers and some comfort in the resources available here.

[gennee]

Welcome to the forum, Syles. I'm an MTF non-op. You're not alone because many of us have been through what you're are going through. At present I am a non-op transgenderist but that could change in the future. My spouse is accepting of my ->-bleeped-<- and I'm thankful for that.

I came out at age 57. You have much life ahead of you.

Gennee

[Syles81]

Thanks K_tech and gennee.

Gennee,
       that's great that your spouse is accepting of your ->-bleeped-<-.  What is a non-op transgenderist? I'm sorry new with a lot of these terms.
 
I hope someday I can come out and tell my mom because it sucks being treated like a girl and getting girly stuff even though my mom knows I don't like girl stuff, I still get girl stuff. I don't think she would be happy to know I'm trans, I think it would kill her and upset her very much. I don't she would ever disown me but it would break her heart to know I wanna be a boy. But I feel like crying  every time I get anything a girl would receive as a gift or a card.  I feel so embarrassed receiving a girl gift or card.

[Dianna]

Welcome Syles. 

[Syles81]

Thanks Dianna 

[jesse]

hi syles welcome to susans

[Cindy]

Hi Syles,

You are obviously having a difficult time. I don't knoe what country you are in but it sounds as if you could use a good talk to a therapist. In the USA they seem to be relatively easy to find and if you post one of the USA FtMs will no doubt contact you with someone in your area. If you are in another country let us know, I'm in Australia and there are many people on the site in different countries.
I think one thing is don't get down on yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Life is VERY difficult for TG and it can take a long time to get our heads around what we are. I'm an absolutely gorgeous 55 yr old woman. But its taken 55 yrs for me to accept that, well a bit less than that

Take one step at a time. Find a profeesional to talk too. Gues what? They are quite east to talk to and help HEAPS.

On another note welcome. You are know family so don't be afraid anymore.

A non-op TG like Genee (hi honey and I wish you and yours a very Holy Christmas) is a person who has decided that they are going to live their life accepting their gender but not having their sex altered by surgery or hormones.

Hugs to You and welcome

Cindy

[Syles81]

Thanks Jesse and Cindy for the welcome.

Cindy, thanks for explaining what a non-op TG is

I'm from the US. I talk to a regular counselor and we talk about my transgender issues, but that's all we can do for now. If I did decide to see a transgender therapist, I'd have to see if my insurance would cover both counselors and do that without my mom finding out.

[gennee]

A transgenderist is someone who lives part or full time as the opposite gender. Non-op is non-operation. I don't plan on taking hormones or have reassignment surgery.

Gennee

[Syles81]

A transgenderist is someone who lives part or full time as the opposite gender. Non-op is non-operation. I don't plan on taking hormones or have reassignment surgery.

Gennee

ic. Thanks for explaining those terms for me.