Marriage and MTF sexuality

[Svetlana]

well i was going to suggest to make sure that your spouse's sudden "let's see what my sexuality really is" thing might not have been a very common bad misunderstanding that going through gender issues should somehow automatically mean going through sexuality issues as well.

however, having read that last post, it seems like the whole thing was kinda beyond that already.  in which case, good for you for sticking by your decision, and it's probably for the best, as you sounded a little fed up to the teeth with things at any rate, and that's no good in a loving relationship, for either person.  and failing to answer calls... well... i don't know what's going on with that.  i feel sorry for you and happy for you at the same time, it's... strange.  i think it's for the best.

please know that i'm not very good at wording things oftentimes, and i think i sound overly self-assured in this reply, and i want to tell you, i'm not, please don't take my opinions too seriously, just averagely.

[Kimberly]

I am sorry hectic, really very sorry.
You are a good woman and I applaud your efforts.
I hope you find happiness somewhere in your future.
Please feel free to stay and chat.

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Hectic

and it feels damned good not worrying about what she going to say next, because there is nothing i could hear that would change my mind. i can't be perfect. i can't be any more understanding. i can't be an appendage to her life. if she can't appreciate me, i need to build a life with people who will. i can't wait with dread the next thing she's going to say. done, over.

steph, you're right. i would have done anything to save this marriage. but you can only push this woman but so far before i start shoving back. i can't take mindgames. i love her with my whole heart, but there is a line you cross that you can't ever step back over. she finally crossed it.  when she realizes the only things i've taken were my clothes, maybe she'll finally realize i wasn't in it for the creature comforts of home.

It is so sad to see any type of break-up, and it is especially sad in your case.  You have put so much it to both of your lives, and from the posts you've made here, I would have to say, you put your whole life into the relationship.  I try to advise any trans folks who join Susan's that the key to success is comprimise and comunication, but it seems in your case you were the one who was making all the comprimises, and doing all the comunicating.  You did all you could possibly do.

It takes courage to decide and act on that decission, I'm not sure that I would be able to go through with what you are doing.  However something tells me that you are going to be ok after a time, you definitely have the energy, and the will power.

My words seem a little in adequate, but suffice it to say that I trully hope that you will find the happiness you longed for, in your new beginings.  Good luck, (I wish I new your first name).

AND be sure to take care of YOU.

Steph

[hectic]

my name is Trish. i've got everything packed and ready to go. have quit the high stress job also. so i head out in a few hours, and i think i'm going to take a vacation until after christmas and just kick back and go fishing.

it's been an emotional day for the two of us. my spouse has been crying , but also i think a little scared and relieved also not to have the pressure of all this.

in the moment, i really couldn't say don't call me. because i can't close my heart to someone i love. and i can't bear to think of her going through any of this without knowing that there is at least one person who supports her. but at least now we're going to both be transitioning. and it will become apparent that i was not the cause of her stress and unhappiness.

[Shelley]

Hi Trish,

You are a very special lady. So many here wish for someone as understanding and supportive like you. I think that you can safely assume it is not you that has the problem here.

I wish you all the best and hope that you'll continue to drop in and say hi.

Hugs

Shelley

[Sarah Louise]

I agree, it is a shame anytime I see a marriage break up.  It is never the fault of just one of the partners, they both have (usually) caused problems for the other.

Being TS is hard for both parties of the marriage, the wife usually feels betrayed (and for good reasons) and the TS person usually feels misunderstood.

I told my spouse before we married that I wanted to be a woman, but she didn't have any idea of how deep the feelings were (and I didn't do a good job of helping her understand the extremes of how I felt).

We still live together, but I don't really consider our relationship much of a marriage anymore.  I am not happy about that, but she isn't a lesbian and wants a man.  I am not sure how much longer we will be together (we have been married 39 years).  She has told me in the past that the day I leave for surgery, she will throw my things in the street.

Sarah Louise Reiter

[Cassandra]

Hectic,

I am very sorry that things did not work out for you. I think your spouse acted stupidly and with little consideration for your feelings. She has now learned the realities off that old Chinese proverb, be careful what you wish for. I hope and wish the best for you. You are a wonderful woman and you deserve happiness.

I also hope you will not stay away from Susan's but I think everyone here will understand if you consider coming here too painfull and just want to forget the whole thing. We are here for you should you decide at any time that you just want to talk. I know you haven't logged on since your last post but I'm hoping you're still coming in at least as a guest and reading all of the supportive posts my sisters have been sending out to you.

Do come back from time to time and let us know how you are doing.


Hugs,

Cassie

[lisagurl]

In 26 years of marriage and 2 children neither my wife or I ever cared much about sex. I could count the times on my fingers and toes. After starting transition my wife moved out of our bed to the guest bedroom. She does not want to be looked at by society as a lesbian. We are still very good friends but after the divorce neither one of us want a sex partner.

[hectic]

just wanted to let everyone know that after two weeks, we were utterly miserable and got back together.no third parties.  everything is going great now and we're a lot happier.

i guess i would call this a "stress bubble".

so we moved, and have remodeled our bathroom into a pink powder puff nightmare that we both love!

[Kimberly]

I am very happy to hear that Trish!

Thank you for stopping back by and letting us know... I hope life is kind to you both

*curtsey*

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Hectic,

That is just the greatest news, maybe you were right that it was just a stress bubble (too much, too fast).  So it seems that you have started a new life over, I really hope that everything continues to work out for you both and that the pink bathroom turns into sweet dreams

Steph

[Cassandra]

Hi Hectic,

It is so wonderful to here that your story has a happy ending after all. Thank you so much for coming back and letting us know what happened. I hope everything continues to go well for both of you, and that your spouse has learned her lesson.

Good Luck,

Cassie

[Peggiann]

How are you now. It's been quite a while for update.
Doing well I hope? We will be chatting later this evening if you can make it that would be great. 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Smiles,
Peggiann

[hectic]

everything is going really well. i'm finally going back to work, so i've been doing interviews all week. (joy, joy, joy)  i'm not sure if i can make the chat...i normally have to surrender the computer to my lovely wife's obsession with gaming in the evenings. 

but if she somehow gets disgusted with shooting things, i will pop in. otherwise, i will be watching LOST and reading my seed catalogs. 

[Peggiann]

Cool, You have a Garden?

That's one of my favorite things to do is gardening!
Hope to see ya in CHat this evening.

Smiles,
Peggiann

[Shelley]

Hi Trish,

Glad to hear things are still going well. I like Peggiann wonder about members when we don't hear from them for a bit. So it's really good when we do.

Shelley

[Kimberly]

In my opinion the best cure for a gaming obsession is... JOIN THEM! Ok, so it's not much of a cure but it can certainly be fun

[hectic]

sorry no chat yesterday, but my wife and i spent the evening cuddling on the couch watching LOST together (i have sucked her into the vortex which is LOST), and then we heckled the designers on Project Runway. highly recommend it for the uninitiated.

peggi, i am such an obsessed gardener...i just love seeds. tiny little things that grow into something amazing. kind of like transition.

kimberely, you gamer! lol. gaming is too serious for me. when i see my wife's face glaze over in concentration, i just flee the room. my trying to play would be like going for a casual skateboard ride with tony hawk...

and shelley, i have missed all of you. my few months away were like getting stuck on a crossword clue. sometimes you have to put it down for awhile, and when you pick it back up, you figure it out right away.

[Peggiann]

 i am such an obsessed gardener...i just love seeds. tiny little things that grow into something amazing. kind of like transition.

Yep that's very true. Personally I think it's one way I can be closer to the earth. I mean it's great to be so in touch and connected. I love the surprises I get. I like coming out and see what has grown for me over night.

I watch Project Runway to. Some of what they design is very pretty and then there's some of the rest.... Where they come up with some of those challenges is beyond me. Not sure what is "Lost" about?

Just PM me when your on line and want to chat. I look frequently throughout the day to see who's on. Maybe we can do it that way and not crunch into your together time. The only games I play online are the Yahoo Pyramid. It's fun My youngest son showed me that site over the holidays. However Two of the boys do play Poker.

Anyway have a Great day and will be chatting sometime.

Smiles,
Peggiann