Discrimination in Nursing School-Should I talk to someone on campus?

[Adio]

I apologize in advance if this is somewhat long.  Everything is really fresh in my mind so I want to get as many details down as possible because I know I'll just forget them later.  If you don't want to read the whole thing, just skip down to the bolded bit. 

Background:  I'm going to a nursing school in a southern state in the US.  It's very conservative down here, so I try not to expect much out of people when I have to reveal my trans status for whatever reason.  I transferred universities to get into this program where I didn't know any of the students or faculty.  My gender marker is still legally female and my name is obviously feminine but pronounced so it is masculine.  At the time of my acceptance into the program, I had not started T and was living full time minus the legal name change.

Because I thought it would be difficult to pass to faculty who had access to my records, I talked with our director before classes started.  This is when all the crap started.  I explained my situation--I'm transgender, female-to-male, I go by my chosen name and use masculine pronouns, and live full time as a male.  She, although having a specialty in psych nursing, thought I was a "transvestite" and should "play the game."  Meaning, I should attend school as a female and get my degree without a fuss.

After deciding that was the worst thing I'd ever heard, I sent my instructors emails also explaining what was going on and how they should address me.  Two out of five responded positively.  I never had problems with them, and one became the reason I decided to stay in the program.  The others did not respond.  I made face-to-face contact during orientation making sure to put the name with the face.  Everything seemed fine until clinicals.

Clinicals take place within the hospital.  We have training up until then in lab.  I was told everyone is treated equally in lab and that's very true.  But my first day of clinical, my instructor calls me "she" at least 5 times.  My confidence was blown.  I was able to get it straightened out with her over the next couple weeks, but it was like pulling teeth. 

I thought everything was going to be okay this semester.  I picked out the instructors that consistently called me he and didn't give me crap about it.  My schedule got changed; I got stuck with the two instructors who have from the beginning called me she and have never changed or corrected themselves.  I tried to stay positive.  This is my degree after all.

Today was our first lab day.  I went with a good attitude thinking that I'm on T now, my voice is getting lower, and I'm passing better.  Well.  Things started out decently.  Until I noticed another student's name tag.  We're supposed to have our full legal names on them--no exceptions.  Somehow this girl had slid by an entire semester.  I tried using my chosen name once and got caught within minutes.  But I think she's a good person so I put it out of my head.

After lunch we did computer training in the hospital.  Guess who's computer had to screw up.  So of course my instructor loudly says "her" computer messed up.  The tech who had been saying he, starts calling me she.  And both continue to do so until I ask to take a break.

This is where I'm not sure if I should speak to someone or not.  On our break, I asked to speak to my instructor outside privately.  I said that I noticed she has been calling me she, but I'm a he.  She said legally I'm a female.  I told her that yes, but I'm a male and should be called a he.  She accused me of making all "of this" about my gender issues and not about nursing which is her top priority.  I realize that nursing is top priority.  That's why I'm there. 

I said I felt it was disrespectful to continue calling me a she after she knows about my being transgender.  She said because I'm legally female she'll continue to do that.  I said I'm not.  (At this point, I meant I'm not female, but I simply said "I'm not."  Whether or not this was a mistake on my behalf or just a way of speaking, I'm not sure.)  In turn she said "So you've had a sex change?"  Please keep in mind that we are outside on break.  I got rather...upset? I guess at this.  I told her no, I hadn't.  But I was still male and that other people see me that way.  "Do you think other people don't know?" was her response.  She meant the other students because she motioned to the door where they were inside.  I didn't know what to say.  I'm not really sure what I said directly after that; I was really offended and taken aback.  I think I said something like I don't care what they think or similar.

Our argument finally came to an end when she asked me if I'd like her to correct herself when she makes a mistake.  I told her that yes, I would.  She seemed surprised, but thankful that we'd found a solution.  We both went inside and that was that.  She slipped up while on our tour but immediately corrected herself and said he afterward.  I didn't bat an eye to show her that even if it were on purpose, it didn't hurt me.

Later, I apologized if I seemed mean or angry.  I just want us to be on the same page and be able to work together.  She agreed.  However, I did not get an apology in return nor did I expect one.

My questions:
Am I being discriminated against?
Should I or can I do anything about it if I am?
Were her comments called for?
How can I handle myself better in situations like these in the future?

[spacial]

She said legally I'm a female.  I told her that yes, but I'm a male and should be called a he.  She accused me of making all "of this" about my gender issues and not about nursing which is her top priority.  I realize that nursing is top priority.  That's why I'm there. 

Adio

I was an RN for about 10 years. I'm in the UK. Our grading may be a little different from yours, I know our proccedures regarding psychiatric care are different.

But in essence, the profession is the same.

What is happening here is they are trying to break you down.

The reason is they want to change the way you think about things so you are thinking as a nurse.

At the moment, you have a preoccupation on your mind, namely your gender reassignment. Gender reassignment, in itself, is not a serious issue, your preoccupation is.

Now what I strongly sugegst to you is to go with the flow.

If someone calls you miss or she, react in exactly the same way as if they have called you mr, or he.

Ignore it. No, not ignore it, get it into your mind that it is an utter irrelevance.

Because it is. It is no more important than someone calling you a nickname.

Having rows with the senior nurses is not a good start. But you can get over this.

But be ready to accept many more humiliations.Never break down. Never lose control. Accept any humiliations from senior nurses, agree with any criticism. Thank them for their advice and support.

About 10 years before I started nursing, I changed my surname. The reason was that my original surname held very difficult memories for me. I had and was completely cut off from my family and wanted a clean start.

I lost count of the number of times during my training, senior nurses called me by my old name. Other people began asking me why I had changed and even poked fun at me for doing it.

Believe me when I say I acted in the same way you did. But that didn't work.

I eventually told them the reason I changed was because I thought the new name sounded better.

What they are trying to force you into is integration with the other students. They see your gender reasignment as an emotional barrier to making friends with the others. Even if it isn't, they see it as such.

So, you're the girl who wants to be a guy? Does this mean you fancy other chicks? You gonna get one of those false ones? Can I see?

I apologise for the above lines. I'm trying to make it clear to you what to expect.

You must react calmly and with some humour.

Is it obvious? Hardly, I'm celebate. Well, that's something you'll never know.

Now you need to join a peer group, a group that hangs out together. The groups will naturally divide themselves according to sex. There may be a girl in the boys group and visa versa, but generally.

If you want to join a boys group you need to talk about the same thigns, do the same things and be ready to banter on their terms.

As for complaining, forget it.

These people have a catch all excuse to do almost anything. namely, they will claim they are protecting patients and they believe you pose a risk.

I've seen senior nurses pulling this one on nurses with over 30 years experience behind them.

Take it one year at a time. At the end of the first year, if you don't think you can cope, then look for something else.

You'll be surprised that such a decision will be taken positively by admissions in other courses.

And please, keep posting here about your experiences. I will try to support and advise you any way I can.

[tekla]

You might be discriminated against in a practical sense, but if your state has no law, (and even then it depends how it's interpreted) then there is no discrimination in a legal sense.  And, at that, if I were the nursing school, and you sued, I'd sure want (read demand) a jury trial, which in order to win you would need to convince 12 people drawn at random from the local voter roles, which in the South, unless your in a very liberal city, your going to find very hard, if not impossible.

Moreover, and before filing any sort of formal grievance, that stuff does stick around. Most people who win sexual discrimination law suits find themselves unemployable because the insurance carrier for the new company will tell that company that they can't cover the company hiring you.  (Think of it as a pre-existing condition).

And I think what spacial sez is also true.  I'm sure a lot of stuff that happens in some educational programs and apprenticeships is designed to do two things:

One, to find out if you can handle the pressure.  I can only imagine the pressure that nurses are under these days to deliver quality care for ever less costs, as well as the traditional pressures of being in a position to have to make life and death decisions on a daily basis.  ER nurses in the general public hospitals in most major cities handle more gunshot wounds on a Saturday night - often on small children - then ER people in combat do in a single day.  The heartbreak must be staggering, the pressure intense, and you're going to have to turn around and do it again in a few minutes.  What happens when some patient starts in on this?  They might be in shock, delusional, have serious mental problems, and you are going to have to treat them in a professional manner no matter what, and without a second thought.

We abuse our apprentices big time, and we just think its preparation for the real world, which is going to abuse them even more.   

Two (and most people don't get this, but it is true) a lot of this stuff in professional programs is to wash people out as a way to limit the number of people who practice as a method to keep wages high.

[Adio]

Thanks for replying.  I know that in nursing school it's typical for the senior nurses to attempt to break the students down to weed out the bad ones.  The only problem with that is it's not really happening to anyone else (that I can see).  It may be going on and I just can't tell, but the instructors are generally positive and try to break that stereotype whenever possible (they've stated this outright).  Except with me it seems.

I would love to be able to ignore the comments or wrong pronouns.  I've been trying for years.  But when my gender marker change is so close (this summer if my endo agrees), it's getting harder and harder to let it slip by.  Especially when the person making the mistake knows and is supposed to be knowledgeable about psych issues.  I will make a bigger effort to at least not let it show that it affects me.

There aren't many of us in this program (we're split between campuses), so picking friends is a little tough.  Most of the friends I had dropped and the "guy group" is pretty solid, meaning they're extremely difficult to talk to and very cliquish.  I prefer females for friends anyway.  But if it means having less crap from my instructors, I'll do my best to suck up to the rest of the guys.

The "pose a risk" thing is something I've heard before.  "It's all about the patient."  Understood, but wouldn't it be even less confusing and less of a risk to be consistent in pronouns?  If the other students who are helping me assist the patient are calling me a he and the RN is calling me a he, isn't the instructor confusing the patient by calling me a she and therefore "posing a risk"?  Maybe the patient doesn't care.  Who knows?

ETA:  My state doesn't have laws protecting gender identity or expression.  I didn't think about it following me around and not being able to get a job.  That's one of the biggest factors for my going into nursing--always being able to find a job.  I'm not sure if I'd want to sue unless it got extremely bad; I'm not even sure what that point would be.  A jury of my peers would definitely decide in their favor no matter what I'm afraid.

[tekla]

I think until you have that changed on a legal basis, you have no legal reason to sue them for not being appropriate.

[spacial]

Following on from tekla in #2, in my first clinical experience I was encouraged to spend a lot of time with a very excentric old gentileman who had had a number of strokes.

The long and short of it was that I got very attached to him. I turned up one morning and he wasn't included in the report. I asked why and was told, 'Oh him? He died last night'.

I was devestated. The ward sister took me aside and told me in no uncertain terms that by allowing myself to become so attached that I was grieving at his death was unprofessional.

I learnt that lesson and in the last 3 years of my practice I worked mostly in terminal care. Even though I say so myself, I was pretty good at it too. My job, incidently, was to care for dying people, in their own homes and to support their relatives. And yes, that included children.

But at the risk of repeating myself, when someone makes a comment about your sex, calls you by the wrong pronoun or anything else, water off a duck's back.

Frankly, if you feel more comfortable socialising with women, then I strongly suggest you do that and not try to change yourself by mixing with the boys.

You have a long life ahead of you. There's plenty of time to re-create your life. But for now, you must concentrate on your nursing.

It isn't about you anymore, it's about nursing.

Keep posting.

[Ranktwo]

I think it's rude, but I'm pretty sure you can't do anything about it.
I wish you could.