FtM, with Pentecostal family.

[IndigeoAliquis]

My mother is 62 years old, and I live with her due to the fact that I'm undergoing immuno tests for fibromyalgia. I can't go to school or work right now because of it. And since 2001, I've realized who I am, after coming out to her as a lesbian a couple years after that at age 16 (I am 23 now), to try and ease myself into the process.. but.. I never outed myself as trans.
She believes being gay/lesbian is a choice.. Like I actively chose to go to hell. Which makes it unendurable for my 36-year-old sister that just had kids with her partner. It's as if our mother mourns us, and despises any talk about her being gay and tries to pass me off as a straight female and play matchmaker. My sister once brought up how she thought it was sad that she had to adopt her partners' kids just to legally become their mom, and our mother flew off the handle and ranted about how she didn't want to hear of my sister's "sex life." I didn't know politics and adoption meant bed talk. Anyhow.
I'm extremely frightened of revealing my TS status to her, it was bad enough when I did the halfway step of telling her I was a lesbian. I have nowhere else to live and have no income due to the fact that fibro is extremely debilitating. I can't hold a job right now,... (and I tried to tell my sister in the past but oddly enough she got pissed off at me and refused to believe it, and mostly due to that we don't talk anymore.)
So I was thinking that next time I see my GP I'll ask for an endo referral, and when I see that endo, I'll ask how open-minded they are and explain my situation..
It's so wrong that I have to do it this way but over the years I've never come up with one single idea. I want to get said endo to convince my mother that I have an intersex condition so she'll accept my physical transition. I was born almost four months early, so I'm hoping she'll not have a heart attack, since being a nurse for 30+ years might allow her to somehow connect the dots between a premature birth and intersex condition. (I know, not true, but.. I did take prohormones in high school for a couple months, and developed quite a bit of secondary characteristics so a physical exam would yield convincing results.)
I know this is horrible and I wish there was another way to do it, but I cannot simply tell her that I'm once again choosing a path of eternal damnation and fooling myself about who I am. I can't lose my mother.
I hope I didn't upset anyone but I live in south Louisiana, and could tell you stories about the insanity of fanatics here.
I just feel so dysphoric after all these years of researching, trying to come up with ideas, and seeing the way my mother reacted to me,.. my sister,.. and how my own sister shunned me and doesn't speak with me. I can't delay transition any longer.

[spacial]

May I suggest that, when you explain to your Dr how you feel you ask, first, if there is any way you can receive some treatment which will allow you to leave home?

There are a number of treatment alternatives available for fibromyalgia. Some of which you may not have yet considered.

Ultimately, fibromyalgia is the chain which is holding you in your present situation. You can't explore the world because of it. Your confinement is, at the very least, making the condition much worse.

[IndigeoAliquis]

That's exactly what we're working on, getting a solid diagnosis to make my GP happy, then we treat. I was taking hydrocodone, and that's how I got through my first year of college, but Louisiana has so many people abusing medication that we need a diagnosis to keep treating in this manner.
But to be honest, this transition bull is much worse than fibro, to put it in perspective. I just want to get it over with and live my life. And having the endo on my side is pretty much the only idea I have right now..

[spacial]

Please believe me that here, there is no-one who doesn't appreciate the importance of the need to transition.

But I strongly urge you to ask your Dr to look at each of the alternatives of treatment for your fibromyalgia

One of the problems with these type of conditions is they are difficult to treat simply because their cause is not known. But it is almost certain that there are many completely different causes depending upon the individual.

I knew someone with a condition not dissimilar to this one, but not the same. Verious treatments were tried and none worked. Eventually, they were offered psychotherapy.

The immediate reaction was that' I'm Not Mad!!!'

But after the course, they discovered they could manage the pain without any treatment at all!

Now, please listen to this. I am not saying, nor suggesting psychotherapy.

Which treatment you are offered is between you and your Dr. I'm not a Dr, I'm certainly not your Dr and I don't know anything of your history.

I'm simply making the point that there are many treatment options available for this group of conditions. Some, on the face of it, don't seem to make a lot of sense, but you should try them, if they are offered.

[IndigeoAliquis]

Oh trust me, I've seen a couple therapists, an LCSW, I've tried the herbal route, this has been a problem since childhood. Which is why I'm seeing an immunologist soon and doing all the tests and bloodwork I can to find out what this is. It's not like I'm skipping everything, picking a word out a book, and going "This is what's wrong!"
Thanks for your kind words. 

[spacial]

My pleasure. I really meant it though, you won't find any intolerance on here.

I'm pleased you are open to different options. I hope you didn't feel preached at. Many people with these type of conditions have lost faith, in no small part to not being taken seriously.

Pain is real

Talking to your Dr about your Gender problems is also a really good idea.

If you have a wander around the forum you will find loads of posts from people who are having problems with their parents and families.

[justmeinoz]

I had help from a psychologist regarding pain from a spinal disc injury, and was referred to a meditation group for palliative care cancer patients.
With practice you can use meditation to "switch off" the pain. It is sort of still there, but you tell the nerves to shut off the flow.
There is absolutely nothing mystical or 'New Agey ' about it, just using breath control to affect the brains activity. It doesn't  always work for me all the time, but is a useful tool, and means I can cut bck on the analgesics.

[cynthialee]

I have fibro and the flairs come even worse when we are depressed or stressed.
Living with your mom can't be helping.
I know (trust me!) how debilitating fibro is, hell I have to take Lyrica and Morphiene to dull the worst of it, but I do know that if we can force ourselves into a little activity and clear our heads the pain becomes tolerable.
Try and get out into the fresh air. Modest stretching exercises.
As to coming out to a religious family....I do not know how to do that. I avoided transition for decades because of a religious family.

[IndigeoAliquis]

Well, do you think getting an endo to break it to her would help? Maybe I could get that person or another medical professional to blame it on something genetic, something concrete, because that's the only way I'll get through with it. I just can't tell her this is how I feel, because that is not good enough for religious followers in this area, much less a former nurse.
I'm just the most impatient person in the world, and I'm not hyperbolating. It's taken all my energy just to sit on this for nine years.

And I'm extremely glad to know that I'm not alone with the pain thing. I've come to enjoy a sense of community online because we get to share and support each other. Glad I finally found this place, too.
Hugs and drinks all around. 

[spacial]

It's really up to you.

But since you're asking for opinions, I suggest your first step is to get the fibromyalgia under control.

You impatience is understandable. No-one here doens't undertand that.

But until you get the fibromyalgia you don't need any more stresses in your life.

[cynthialee]

It's really up to you.

But since you're asking for opinions, I suggest your first step is to get the fibromyalgia under control.

You impatience is understandable. No-one here doens't undertand that.

But until you get the fibromyalgia you don't need any more stresses in your life.

Fibro is permanant. You cant get rid of it. You can only mitigate the pain.

[spacial]

Fibro is permanant. You cant get rid of it. You can only mitigate the pain.

I do understand that and am very sympathetic.

But I was refering to getting it under control. Getting away from his mother's control would seem to be the first step.

[cynthialee]

I do understand that and am very sympathetic.

But I was refering to getting it under control. Getting away from his mother's control would seem to be the first step.

Oh ok then we are in agreement.