"my friend is bi curious"

[drippin]

idk if this is in the right section or not but here goes...
so tonight me and some friends went to a gay nightclub. my friend (a girl) told me she was bi curious and to find her girls. so I see this GEORGEOUS trans girl who was utterly striking. I just wanted to know her but didn't know how to approach her because she was very standoffish, not in a mean way, but more of a I don't want anyone to know I'm trans kinda way. she looked self conscious 5im assuming in regards to passing) so in an attempt to boost her confidence/comfort I said something really stupid. I walked up to her on the dancefloor and said "hey, idk if you like girls but my friend is bi curious and she thinks your gorgeous" acting totally oblivious to the fact that she was trans (even tho somehow I could tell) and then she replies "well does she like trannies? cause I'm a transsexual" but not in a matter of fact tone, more in an offended I know what you're up to tone. I feel really bad about the whole thing and wish I just wouldn't have said anything. I'm REALLY beating myself up about this.

...why? why did I have to say that? I wish she knew my intentions were to make her feel comfortable but i realize how it could come off as rude and backhanded.

grr.. Idk why I posted this, I just need someone to tell me I'm not a horrible person.

[Amy85]

My first reaction was that what you did was a nice gesture, she just reacted badly for some reason that's beyond me. Don't feel bad, your intentions were very nice and that's what matters 

[tekla]

I don't know about horrible or not, but you should not pimp for other people, and it's no surprise that she took it pretty much that way.  If someone wants to hook up, they need to put forth the effort and not delegate that.

And, though I'm sure other following me will note it - you pretty much treated her like a sexual object and nothing more.

[Jamie-o]

I'm with Amy on this one.  Some people get confrontational when they're feeling insecure.  Personally, I don't see anything for her to get offended about in what you've related, so who knows what was going on in her head.  Try not to worry too much about it.

[Osiris]

"hey, idk if you like girls but my friend is bi curious and she thinks your gorgeous"

Not a great ice breaker. It gives off the pimp "hey you wanna hook up with this person I know?" vibe as tekla mentioned above. Perhaps you should leave the chatting up to your friend since she's the one who wants to explore this stuff.

[tekla]

Yeah, what ever happened to 'hey can I buy you a drink?' Or, "would you like to dance?"  Or even "do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?"  I don't see how anyone would respond positivity to the situation presented here, it's not the worlds, its what you were doing.

[rejennyrated]

You aren't a bad person - just a little naive maybe.

It as long time since I've been single but in my experience people, whether male or female, who used to come up and say "My friend thinks you are really nice... " or whatever usually ended up enticing me to make a fool of myself. They were either trying to embarrass me or their friend, or work out if I was trans, or trying to do someone a favour - but whatever the reason it never seemed to work out well for anyone.

Moral of the story - dating is a strictly one to one activity - any third parties getting involved, for however noble a reason, only causes trouble.

I'm so sorry that you had to face such a rude and hurtful response though. That can't have been nice. But don't beat yourself up cos you obviously meant well. Instead perhaps learn the lesson that tyring to do favours for people in the dating game is a dangerous and often thankless task - in fact one probably best to avoid!

[maidenprincess]

I think you were rude.  Why did you have to say your friend is bi-curious?  That's giving away that you see her as trans and that the only way someone would think she is gorgeous is if they are bi or curious or both.  I would have been offended as well.

Work on your game, it's severely lacking.

[drippin]

I think you were rude.  Why did you have to say your friend is bi-curious?  That's giving away that you see her as trans...

i told her this for the exact opposite reason you've stated. in my head, by telling her my friend was bi curious, it meant that she was interested in exploring GIRLS, not men, or trans. but someone of the same sex.

[tekla]

So long as she is sending people out to do the picking-up for her, so long will she be bi-curious, and not bi.

[Vanessa_yhvh]

I find myself sympathetic to your situation, because the way I see it you were being what we call a "wingman" around here. The wingman tries to help someone up by the bootstrap when that someone feels intimidated by the challenges of some uncharted new territory.

You put yourself in a position to mitigate some of the rejection stress of your friend by taking a great deal of it on yourself when you do this. The downside is that you have to feel the burn when the whole thing crashes, while the upside is that you get to share in the upside when you help two people make a successful connection.

My best advice is to try and deal with situations in which there are fewer ways for everything to go wrong. Seems you may have simply taken a bigger risk here and been dealt a bad hand.