Coping methods

[jilledwards]

Hi all,

I am grasping at straws here hoping someone might have an idea that would be helpfull. I know no one else will have any idea what I'm going through. 

I am a non-op older gal that has fought with the inner conflict for an eterinity now and i'm very tired.  I have fought with many things over the years, dressing when I was younger, denial, drugs, heavy drinking, distractions of many types.  Some things worked for a long time like Pilot training and continued ratings kept my mind forcused, gambling works well but is expensive. I mentally crashed and burned a while ago. But i survived if you want to call it that.  Since then I have a hard keeping close to anyone I dont want the commitment. I dont want to feel obligated. I have been taking lower doses of spiro and Estrogen for years which helps.  But for the most part its always in my head, its always present just not as intense. 

The problem is that lately I cant seem to get any type of break from my destress in my head it wont leave me alone. I have doubled my HRT which my doctor knows abouty. But to no avail. It has been especially intense and continously in my thoughts for the last two days. I cant stop it.  non stop. I cant focus,I cant sleep, its pushing me to my limit. I just cant take it. Does anyone know of something distracting, coping method, or anything i havent thought of that has worked for them. I'll try anything.             

[Hillarync]

Keeping the mind occupied is important. Getting a job is a great way to do so.

[Shang]

Get busy.

Go do something fun that you enjoy doing, but doesn't cost a lot.  Join a club or two and just get out of the house. If you get your mind focused on other things it helps.

I read, walk the dog, take the dog to Petsmart, go to school, and a few other things that just keep my mind engaged so I don't dwell on anything too long. 

Get a pet if you don't have one, just something that you'll have to care for and remember to pay attention to.  A fish is good, too, even though people don't think so--I was always happiest when I took care of a fish.

[jilledwards]

Thanks, yea work is usually great and still do I still do work. I'm a consultant and I travel quite a bit. It seems to be invading everything at the moment.         

[Colleen Ireland]

Jill, I hear ya!  I'm in the same boat, actually.  Is there some reason you wouldn't think of transitioning?  You're not much older than me (2 years), and I'm giving it serious consideration.  And I'm married.  31 years.  Still, I've recently concluded that the price of not being who I am is just too high.  I'm not trying to convince you, I'm actually hoping you can give me a decent reason that might convince ME.  I'm not sure which way I want to go, at this point, but I do know the dysphoria has become too much to bear, and I can NOT go back to denial.  Distraction seems to me a short-term solution.  Not something for the long haul...

[spacial]

Jill.

I'm in a similar situation to you. I'm in my 50s. I don't take any medicines and for various reasons, I can't transision, as much as I dearly want to.

I sometimes look at my life, ticking away and think of all the things I have done, which I should have done as a girl.

My outlet, my continual outlet, is that I know I am a girl. I am just a rather physically unattractive girl. I'm not sexy.

I'm sure every girl dreams of being stunningly attractive. I'm sure every girl looks at the examples of the most attractive girls, in the media, anywhere really, and wishes they were like that. But every girl has to live with what she has and make the best of it.

OK, so I'm not attractive. I'm not sexy. But I am me, I have feelings, I have compassion for others.

I don't presume myself on others. I know how people take me and I try to live accordingly. If I had the body of Jerry Ryan and the personality of Marylin Monroe, I could almost certainly have every man sitting at my feet and every woman, green with envy.

But that isn't me. So I cultivate my personality and my life to give what I can to society.

That's basically, what I do.

[jilledwards]

Hi Colleen and Spacial,

Yes we all seem to be in the same boat.

I have always felt very strong feelings of responsibility and commitment to my family that has always prevented me from leaving and transitioning. Early on I had some rough experiences and I really didn't completely understand what was going on with me. I was ashamed of myself and felt it needed to be controlled inward at all costs. By the time I started to learn who I was, I was older and knee deep in responsibilities.  The kids are older now and there's only one left to get out of the house. But now my wife has been diagnosed with cancer. Its treatable but will take time. I just couldn't hurt her with this especially at this time.  I keep telling myself just a little while longer.   

Colleen, your right, distractions are only a band-aid but they were all I had and have now as well. I also do allow myself much more self expression, the HRT, and I belong to a couple of groups. You would think it would ease the GID and it did for a while. But it seems to be increasing again instead of getting quieter. Like drugs I'm building up a resistance and it's not working very well lately.  I'm afraid I can't convince anyone not to transition. I am wrong not to do so myself. If you have the chance I say go for it.   

I envy Spacial's positive attitude. You seem to have been able to keep your head in a good place.  You're a survivor                       


I'm finding it invading every aspect of my life. My dreams,  I'm doubting myself, I can't concentrate. It just drains on and on like a Chinese water torture it's driving me crazy one drip at a time.  I would worry about how bad it will be in the future but I can't stop thinking about the present.  Like Colleen says it's becoming unbearable. 

There's just got to be something to give me some peace.  I'm thinking of asking the doctor for something to just knock me on my butt out for while.   

[Colleen Ireland]

{{{{{{{{Jill}}}}}}}}}  Hugs to you, girl, big giant ones.  My heart goes out to you.  It broke my heart to read what you posted.  Please don't think of hurting yourself, and please don't think of self-medicating.  Does your doctor know about your true gender?  Do you think you could discuss it with him/her?  I'm not sure if they would prescribe tranquilizers for GID - have you been dianosed/assessed?  I.e. have you got one or more doctors' letters to the effect?  That might make it easier to get something to ease the pain, but PLEASE don't abuse them.  From your first post, I assumed you were alone, I apologize.  Your situation is very tragic.  I'll pray that you get the help you need.  Stay strong.  You, also, are a survivor, even if it doesn't feel like it.

[jilledwards]

Thanks your very kind. 

Not to worry anyone. I'm not self-medicating or going to do anything rash.  I,m just trying to get a break so I can focus on something else for a while.  I have been going to therapists for years and have been diagnosed by two different therapists. I have been taking lower doses of Spiro and Estrogen for a long time now. I have a doctor that also treats many of us in the trans community. He knows exactly who I am and thats where all my meds come from including anti-depressents ( which I hate ). They all will do letters of any kind when I ready.   

As for something to really put me out for some needed rest, the worst that could happen is he says no. We are more than our GID. Its just a thought But im thinking of asking.       

[Colleen Ireland]

Thank you for that, Jill.  It's just really easy with this thing to let it get away from us, isn't it?  It is an AWFUL thing to deal with.  Many years ago, I did attempt suicide.  That was a horrible night, and I never want to forget it, because remembering keeps me from heading that way again.  Peace, sister.

[confused]

i too can't actually transition (well at least until i can)  and have tried lots and lots of coping techniques even before i even know what GID or TS means, including drugs ,alcohol ,sexual acts , meditation , separating myself from society and de-socializing  , overly socializing , keeping busy ,and mostly recklessness and deliberately involving myself in dangerous situations...etc
so i've been there , done that. but each and everyone of them works to some point then it stops working , or causes other problems (like drugs and alcohol) and yes , i did try to 'end it all' which i found out that it's never really a solution and that i would either end up worse or missing out on an actual chance to transition and/or have great things happening
eventually i've come to this way , which i'm not sure if i can explain it correctly, but , i 'numbed' my feelings (if that makes any sense) , i tried for a while to enforce acceptance , and actually embracing my current state , eliminating any dreams and hopes i might have had then giving myself hope in the possibility of achieving them, dealing with physical dysphoric feelings anyway i can , seeing myself as the real me  and acting like it or not 'acting' at all and trying to be around people who are like me , and trying not to think about it much( or at all) mostly by keeping myself occupied , and eventually dealing with life REALLY one second at a time
so idk , it's hard to stay at this state , like walking on a rope with a balance stick , and sometimes a slip ,but i do my best to get back there
and i know most of what i said now probably doesn't make sense ,but i tried to explain how i cope and hope it helps somehow . and i really believe every one has a different way that would work for them , i really hope you find yours until you are able to completely transition , it's just that , generally ,the first step in the way of resolving (temporarily at least) every conflict even inside a person is acceptance
i know i don't make any sense probably but i really hope you get your resolution and eventually be who and how you wish to be

[jilledwards]

Hi eNTROPY,

I completely understand what your saying.  Especially about starting with ourselves and the feeling of living life like a balancing act. 

I have gone thru those phases as well but I have never thought of, or tried, meditation.  Thats sounds interesting. Is it difficult to learn?     

[spacial]

Jill.

It isn't my place to comment or judge how others live their lives.

For me, my life has developed along rather medeocre lines. I have to say, overall, I've not done too badly. Things could be a lot worse, especially at my age.

But like everyone, and like you, my life is intertwined with the lives of others. Anything I do wll affect them.

Now I'm not suggesting that any of us should never take decisions for ourselves, especially when they dominate so much of our lives, interfering with our ability to enjoy life.

But your decision to stand by your wife is the right one. You stood by your kids. That was also the right decision.

I sincerely hope that, as your wife's condition improves, you can work out this together.

Until then, try to remember how strong you've been and are.

[confused]

I have gone thru those phases as well but I have never thought of, or tried, meditation.  Thats sounds interesting. Is it difficult to learn?   

it's not difficult at all , it's somehow a way of learning how to control you mind (to some point) , since all meditation techniques depends/focus on clearing the mind , which is the source of all our feelings and awareness , i mean if there is a human soul , it's the mind
myself i didn't apply certain meditation techniques , i just used to just sit at 4 to 6 am in an open space giving all my focus to breathing or a light until i don't think about or feel anything else , then by time i got to some point of control over my thoughts during day , even blacking myself out if i want to , but you know , it's not that efficient =/
anyway , this website has some good information about it

and i hope your wife gets better , good luck with everything

[Just Kate]

Hi all,

I am grasping at straws here hoping someone might have an idea that would be helpfull. I know no one else will have any idea what I'm going through. 

I am a non-op older gal that has fought with the inner conflict for an eterinity now and i'm very tired.  I have fought with many things over the years, dressing when I was younger, denial, drugs, heavy drinking, distractions of many types.  Some things worked for a long time like Pilot training and continued ratings kept my mind forcused, gambling works well but is expensive. I mentally crashed and burned a while ago. But i survived if you want to call it that.  Since then I have a hard keeping close to anyone I dont want the commitment. I dont want to feel obligated. I have been taking lower doses of spiro and Estrogen for years which helps.  But for the most part its always in my head, its always present just not as intense. 

The problem is that lately I cant seem to get any type of break from my destress in my head it wont leave me alone. I have doubled my HRT which my doctor knows abouty. But to no avail. It has been especially intense and continously in my thoughts for the last two days. I cant stop it.  non stop. I cant focus,I cant sleep, its pushing me to my limit. I just cant take it. Does anyone know of something distracting, coping method, or anything i havent thought of that has worked for them. I'll try anything.           

Being someone in a similar situation, my ability to control my GID from taking over had a lot to do with managing my exposure to triggers.  I identified what triggered my GID and took steps to one by one, neutralize them first by avoidance, and then by CBT.  Escape works so well because you limit trigger exposure, but you cannot escape your entire life - ultimately you must find a way to handle the triggers you will unavoidably face or else they will consume you and get worse.

In fact, everytime you confront a trigger you determine whether or not that trigger is going to be better or worse next time you confront it.

http://gidinteralia.blogspot.com/2009/04/coping-techniques-to-date-4509.html are some coping techniques I've used in the past and are still helpful to me.

If you'd like to talk more openly about your triggers, I can do it here publicly so that perhaps others can benefit from reading about them or I can do so privately if you'd like, but identifying and then neutralizing triggers is the key to GID maintenance.  It won't cure you, but it will make it manageable enough to enable you to live your life.

[Shang]

 

I have gone thru those phases as well but I have never thought of, or tried, meditation.  Thats sounds interesting. Is it difficult to learn?     

Meditation just takes practice, and there's not a set method on it.  I meditate while swimming (I think it's called a trance or something, but I've no real idea) or I meditate in the tub.  Water's my key portion--I can't meditate without it.

[confused]

yeah i meditate under water mostly , like since i was a baby lol , i wasn't sure i could really say it's meditation

[Shang]

yeah i meditate under water mostly , like since i was a baby lol , i wasn't sure i could really say it's meditation

Yep, it's considered meditation.  I'm glad it is.  But meditation can mean various things...my dad and sister go into a meditative like state when they're hunting.

[lilacwoman]

on a practical note I have to say that all those therapy sessions that aren't doing a thing oo ryou could be stopped and the money put into a sexchange fund.
that painting you use is pretty good...is it yours?  If so can you sell some for the fund?