Hi Brainiac
Firstly, if you don't accurately tell your diagnostician about what you're going through, I think it's fairly obvious that they will not be able to appropriately diagnose you.
Well I'm sorry, that is not necessarily so. I had a letter of referral from my GP, asking my psychiatrist to see me. On my first visit with him, yes I was dressed appropriately and I was as nervous as a bag of >-bleeped-<. I also did not tell him that I was nervous either and as a side note between reading an article in a 'playboy magazine' which I will come to later and me visiting him, I had read maybe in a limited sense, about other girls and what they had to do and the problems they encountered, I don't know, because it is nearly 20 to 30 years ago that I did any reading on these issues and at the time this information was extremely limited.
But one thing was for sure I understood 'psychiatrist's' in a limited sense, yes I was naive and I did not have the knowledge or understanding that I have now. My instinctive nature told me that psychiatrists could and would play games. Yes, there it is again, I knew I had to keep my big mouth shut. Unfortunately that is me, I know what is right and what is wrong and that is my nature.
Anyway back to the consultation with my psychiatrist, after handing him the letter and maybe a little about where I came from. The consultation ended with an arrangement that I would see him regularly every two weeks, if I remember correctly. Anyway in the mean time I had found a job and I was was working full time. I then attended my second session. I was happy, confident, relaxed and in a sense was not even worried about this consultation. I told him I had a job and the conversation got around to my first visit and he remarked about my unease at the first consultation and I confirmed with him that I was nervous.
So he knew my 'state of being' without me saying anything. Then at the end of this consultation or the next one he said, he only wanted to see me every month and this is what happened for the next two years. Why did he change the appointment schedule? Maybe he realised that I had my head screwed on properly and recognised that I was mentally sound.
Secondly, "strong and persistent" identification is not necessarily defined as the things you said. Acting it out is an unfair way to judge it, as you can identify with a gender without feeling able to express it.
Sorry the Criterion A states "There musty be evidence of a strong and persistent cross gender identification" note the operative words 'there must be evidence'. So what evidence must one present then? You are right, 'one can identify with a gender without feeling able to express it. I never expressed myself verbally or insisted I was a female, because I never had to. People just saw me as a female.
Wanting and imagining that you are the correct gender is a CONSCIOUS identification--and denial can really strongly interfere with that. I know it did for me.
Point is I never ever denied my identification as a female, full stop period, I embraced it fully, so hence I never suffered per se. Again I never told any one about it
(not merely a desire for any perceived cultural advantages of being the other sex).
I believe that you misinterpreted this line.
No I did not, because again the operative words are 'for any perceived cultural advantages', not my words, 'their words' and I wanted all the 'perceived cultural advantages", why? Because I'm a female that's why and why would I want all the perceived cultural disadvantages that are associated with being a female? Because it's part of the culture of being a women and goes with the territory.
Anyway, I hope you really realised the heavy sarcasm that was being used and the mockery I made of this particular condition and in this day and age we have 'gender equality', yes I know it's not perfect. Yes, I did consider all the ramifications of competing in swimming and not swimming was not an option. There was no way I was going to give up swimming, because if I did, a part of me would have died and I was not prepared to accept that. Yes I did win the short sprints and I did lose the longer distances.
Really? You had ZERO dysphoria about your body not being what it was supposed to, the way you were viewed as the wrong gender by others? You didn't feel pigeon holed into the wrong gender roles?
Really truly, I had no 'dysphoria', it's hard to believe is it not? Well it goes like this.
Hypothesis: All trans people have dysphoria. Which is basically what you are saying and the DSM manuals as well. However, this statement is falsifiable, because it only takes one trans person to prove it wrong. Well I'm that person.
Well actually no, I'm not, because I have never identified as being trans whatsoever and I find it absolutely distasteful that I have to use those terms and being referred as trans, but in this instance I will put up with the terms, because I find it absolutely repugnant that I can be labeled or I once was mentally ill, or had a mental disorder or suffer from any one of Julie Maria's eight points. Now you know why, I never open my mouth period.
Lucky you. From my own experience and everything I've heard from other trans people, those feelings of dysphoria are very common. I'm wondering, though, how you figured out that you were TG if you had no dysphoria...?
Please, I'm not TG or TS, I did not do what I knew had to be done just to be stuck with those labels. I'm a female. If other people want to be referred to as such, then that is there prerogative and I will address them appropriately. Anyway sit back, read and you shall find out.
What pushed me to leave my family and friends? Well several things, my thoughts on my problem were getting stronger and stronger and may be I was becoming a little unsettled. I did not fight these thoughts but I accepted them for what they were, they were a part me. These thoughts would not go away, this started to manifest more so after coming back from boarding school (high school),
One of the main pushes that led me to think more and more about my problem was discovering an article in a playboy (or similar) magazine which had a picture, which started of with a sketch of a boy or a man (my memories on this part of my life are sort of vague) and several sketches later (about 5 sketches in total) there was a picture of a girl (or a woman),
I suppose after reading the article to death. I realized, what my problem was, I wanted to be a female. The article mentioned the word transsexual, however I never thought I was one and to this day I never think of myself as such and as a matter of fact I detest those words and I never describe myself as such, not now, not ever.
I had completed a trade which took 4 years to complete part time, I did this trade right after I had finished boarding school and I was working in a government office (this was the time I started my swimming career) and in the office the guys often talked about going to university. I was also in on those discussions as well and one of my dreams at the time was also to go on to university and get a degree.
After I finished my trade, I got involved in swimming in a big way and sure enough, something else came along and smacked me right in the face, literally and figuratively, I did not realize it at the time (one can be so dumb at times) and it took a couple of years for this one to sink in.
There was a young man who was also involved in swimming and we became very good friends. We trained at the same pool, went to swimming meets, camped at different swimming spots before going on to a swimming meet, stayed at each others house, scuba dived and saw the odd movie together, I was at peace, I enjoyed his company, I felt comfortable around him and until he became involved with a girl, I then felt I was out of place after this. Well as you can guess, I liked him more than I realized and I could not understand why I felt this way.
I knew I was not gay, I was not sexually active. To put it bluntly I was not very happy at the current situation. It took me a long while to figure this out until finally I connected the playboy article and these feelings, finally the penny dropped. I was a female and my problem with this young man was that I loved him as a young woman. He was in a sense to me, a soul mate and I 'wanted' him in every sense of the word. Yes, this realization tore me apart, I did not stop the friendship, but something had to give. I also knew certain things about his attitude towards certain people. My decision was going to tear me apart.
I was also buying and wearing the clothes that I felt comfortable in a lot more, but nobody new what I was doing. On one occasion I was nearly undone at one stage, maybe the burden was too much, or may be I wanted to live my life normally and as a result I was just plain careless. Anyway my brothers and cousin were trying to get into my cupboard and I realized that one of them saw something (some of my clothes more than likely), so I managed to lock them away somewhere else. I then showed them what they were trying to find was not there.
Later my uncle (same uncle who new why I left the family), who new about this stuff came to me and said to be careful. So this was how one of the first family members came to know of my problem to a certain extent. In one of our discussions he said, I needed to live as woman and find out if that is what I wanted in life.
As I said things were coming to a head and the three things that finally made me decide to leave, was one, finding out I lost a soul mate, two, I wanted to sort out my personal problem once and for all and three, I wanted to go to university. I had been with the government job for ten years, which meant that I had long service leave up my sleeve (which basically meant I could have a whole year of from work and still have money) By this stage I had applied to several universities and I was accepted into several of them.
So at the start of 1989 I left my family and friends who believed that I was going to university and I had every intention of going to university, but not to the one that my family and friends thought I was going to. I was going to a university that was situated near the resources that I needed to solve my personal problem and I wanted to attend the university that I had chosen in a more appropriate name, but that was not to be and that part of my dream where I would go to university would not happen for another 5 years.
When I left, I got a hotel room and I then went to a salon where they did ear piercings and got my ears done, why do I remember this so well? It's is because I had both ears done consecutively at the time and this was the start of more dramatic changes that were to come.
My aunt (wife of my uncle who knew and at this stage the second person in my immediate family who knew) came around to see me on my way that evening. I was not going to see her again for a at least a couple of years, then she left. After she left, the enormity of what I was embarking upon finally caught up with me and I started to cry and I did not stop for a couple of hours in a sense, I cried because I was alone, I cried for the loss of a soul mate, I cried because I believed I was never going to see my family again and I cried because I was happy at last that I was making a decision, that I knew resonated so deeply inside me with such conviction that I never questioned what I was doing or what I was going to do. I knew it was the right thing to do.
Early in the morning I dressed myself properly, put a little make up on, did my hair in a French braid, which I could do because my hair is very long and I was travelling in a car and I wanted to be comfortable for the trip, it was going to take a couple of days and their was no rush, I was travelling from one part of the country to another and I was going to start my new life.
Lucky no, extremely lucky yes in more ways than I can say. No dysphoria, able to pass instantly, got my hormones from my doctor GP on the first visit, able to get a job virtually straight away, no problems with my psychiatrists and I had my surgery within two years.
Not sure if you knew this, but this criterion is in about half of the disorders in the DSM. This line effectively says, "if it doesn't cause problems, it's not a disorder." You misinterpreted this one, too
Sorry, I did not misinterpret the condition, because even if your interpretation is correct, that is "if it doesn't cause problems, it's not a disorder." Well my 'disturbance', wanting to be a female, something is not quite right did not cause me any problems, so 'it's not a disorder', hence, I still fail the diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria for Criterion D.
I find it hard to believe that you felt zero distress around living as the wrong sex, or else you wouldn't have transitioned.
But the point is, I did change and I had no distress in regards to my body or mind (well, maybe I just might concede a tiny bit of distress in my mind about, wanting to be a female, with the appropriate body, because I was constantly thinking about it more and more up until I left and wondering why I was thinking about it all the time). I live my life as one who is extremely happy, confident, friendly outgoing, kind hearted, who cares for others that are around me and who passes the knowledge I have gained onto others. My journey was different and everyone around here can attest to that.
I'm sorry that others suffer, it hurts me deeply in more words than I can say. I wish that I could take their pain and suffering away, but I cannot. I wish they could have the safe and uneventful journey that I had. I have never ever regretted my decision and I will always be eternally grateful to my surgeon who gave me my life that I have now.
My kindest regards to one and all
Sarah B