what should I do

[mary83054]

   I have actually two thoughts and am not sure they actually fit here but I think they do.  I am in a living/work situation  that means I am forced to be very careful about coming out. It is seriously dangerous both for my job and my physical safety.   Having said that I am really getting to the point where I need to let others know who I really am i cannot (it seems) to continue this dual lifestyle. So here are my two issues.  I want to come out to two freinds both of them GG and a little oder than me (50) one is a collegue working here in country with me the other is a woman who worked with my wife and has been a very close and dear friend to her as well as to me but is living back in the US.  This lady has been a part of a lot of other decisions my wife and I have made and we both value her wisdom in the past.  There are times when I am ready to talk with them and then other times I get so scared at just thinking about it.   I am not sure about what I am going to do in the long term and would liek these ldies inputs.
    The other issue is similar my job is going to require me to travel and room with some men, I have never liked doing this but work has made it necessary the problem was more psychological in the past but now I am shaving and trying to have as feminine a ody I can for now and am afraid it will be an issue.  I really don't want to stop shaving but don't know how I can get aroundd it.  Any suggestions:


Mary

[Cassandra]

Mary.

I think you are about the third person to raise this I shave what if I'm discovered issue. First of all it is a non issue. Lots of men, and by  men I mean men, shave their legs and bodies these days. Robin Williams even made a joke about it one time that if he tried that he'd never get out of the bathroom. By time he gets done with one side the other one has already grown back and so forth.

Athletes in particular are shave crazy and give all sorts of excuses for doing it which people believe. Remeber Joe Namath and his pantyhose. He claimed it helped him run faster because the pantlegs didn't stick to his legs and interfere with his running. Yeh, Yeh, sure sure. I think he's a crossdresser still in the closet, but that's another tale.

Fact is you can make all kinds of reasonable sounding excuses if anyone asks. Keyword there is if. Just tell them the ladies like it and you've had much better luck with women since you started doing it. That'll have em pulling out their own razors.

Now as to the two women friends the answer should be obvious. Collegue could expose you at work. There is another person here that had that happen to them and the person was real supportive otherwise but stabbed her in the back at work. Friend of your wife? Not only no but hell no, unless you have already come out to your wife otherwise don't even think about talking it over with your mutual friend.

This is what will happen she will tell your wife because she thinks she should know, or She will tell your wife accidently thinking you had already talk to her or some similar scenario. Then you wife will be pissed because you kept secrets from her and you can talk to others but not her.


Good Journey,

Cassie

[Terri-Gene]

I agree totally on the wife issue Cassie, they can be really touchy about what you will tell another but not be able to tell them.  I guess there is some foundation to that though, as they would expect and hope to be the very first to know of anything that concerns you, and anytime you feel a need to talk about anything of importance, especially something that could conceivably concern them, it would be a slap in the face and a breech of trust to discuss it with anyone else at all before they have had a chance to have some input on the issue.  very understandable and even correct.

I would have to believe that a wife or significant other should always be the first to know of such things, even though there will likely be consiquences.  Damage to a relationship can sometimes be minimised if all is reveiled at the earliest opportunity, but there is a point where nothing can be salvaged no matter how truthful you try to be, a trust issue, the most important issue there is in any relationship.  Once trust has been compromised, there is no basis on which to rebuiild it, no matter how sincer you are as you can't be trusted to begin with.

Terri

[mary83054]

Thanks Cassandra and Terri-Gene:
    You two are great for taking time to answer these questions.  My wife already knows and is very supportive.  But both of us really miss being able to have the necessary counseling and I miss and actually hate trying to be two different people all the time.  It isn't an issue for me to just totally "come out yet"  i really can't but would like to be able to share these issues with some trusted friends.  I just waver a lot between telling an not telling and simply out of fear.
   Thanks for the advice I hope that i can soon post osme good things and not jsut a bunch of questions that most of you have already delt with.

Love:

Mary