Priorities

[AllisonY2K]

Well heck, the $ I had set aside for my name change just went to fix my car. I tried to tell my roommate that if I used whatever was left from my paycheck for my name change I'd have less than $40 for food and gas the next two weeks (gas costs me $30 every 2 weeks) and I was not about to eat ramen noodles for 2 weeks just so I could have my name change done.

She thinks that every dollar that isn't going towards rent should go towards transitioning. That's basically how she did it. She's getting her SRS in October. I think she's only been full time 9 months at the most.

I know transitioning is a long process. I accept that. I know I won't have my SRS any time soon. I'm ok with that. I know it may take me a year to save up $1K for laser. I'm ok with that. I can get my name changed with one paycheck, or part of 2 paychecks..but life keeps getting in the way.

Is it bad of me to want to go shopping once in awhile instead of plunking $ towards transitioning? I've come to terms with the fact that I won't have SRS any time soon, so I'm making the best with what I have. I'm not thinking "ohmygod I have to cut off my penis or I'll just die". Apparently that's what I should be thinking. But, I'm okay with my body for now. I'm on HRT and have been for 1.5 years now. I've been full-time for almost a year. I'm going at a slow pace which some think is very bad, but I'm comfortable at the pace I'm going at. Actually I think going at this pace is quite beneficial. I'm not in so much of a rush to get through the process. I guess you could say that I am enjoying the journey. Stopping to smell the roses, so to speak. Plus perhaps at this rate I'm able to pick up the finer points of the RLT and the subtle details of living as female that perhaps someone rushing through transitioning might overlook?

I dunno. I wanted to put this out there and get your opinions.

[Terri-Gene]

Is it bad of me to want to go shopping once in awhile instead of plunking $ towards transitioning?

Depends on if a toy or new article of clothing is worth more then your life.  You have to start somewhere and although money saved has a way of leaking out of the pail, as long as you are making progress, SRS will come all that much sooner, or it can simply wait, and wait and wait, until no opportunity is left.

I was not about to eat ramen noodles for 2 weeks just so I could have my name change done.

Why not.  I'd trap and eat rats if that would accomplish a goal that was important to me, and I'm not kidding about that at all, I've come close to just that at times.

She thinks that every dollar that isn't going towards rent should go towards transitioning. That's basically how she did it. She's getting her SRS in October. I think she's only been full time 9 months at the most.

That should tell you something about the mentality difference.  a good example to follow.  I'd give a lot just to spend a couple of hours with her just to absorb some of that inititive and reinforce my own.  You are lucky to have such a friend and room mate.  Take a hint.

Terri

[Leigh]

If you need gas to get to and from work it is a necessity.  If you don't eat, you do not have the strength to work and your health suffers.  If you get sick you can't work and earn money for gas or food or put one dollar aside for transition.

If by shopping you are meaning something that you absolutely NEED for work or to survive then get it.  If its just something that you want, does not contribute to your survival, then perhaps your priorities need adjusted.

I can't and won't speak for others only myself on this topic.  There is nothing I would not have sacrificed in order to get myself on the table in the shortest time.  I would rather have lived in a tent than in this house if it had come to that.  I would have sold evey piece of furniture, literally every possession I owned.  They were just things, material that sometime in the future could be replaced.  My life could not.  I was not going to die wrong bodied.

I have seen a homeless? person walk up to a store carrying their sign asking for money and go in and buy beer and cigarettes rather than food.  What they say they want and what they actually want are far apart.

A shiney trinket or a shiney dollar saved-your choice.

Leigh

[Kimberly]

One can argue that moral is a factor of survival.
Sometimes buying those little trinkets make life worth living.

Priorities are very important, but perhaps also one's tolerance should be factored in.

[stephanie_craxford]

Is it bad of me to want to go shopping once in awhile instead of plunking $ towards transitioning? I've come to terms with the fact that I won't have SRS any time soon, so I'm making the best with what I have. I'm not thinking "ohmygod I have to cut off my penis or I'll just die". Apparently that's what I should be thinking. But, I'm okay with my body for now. I'm on HRT and have been for 1.5 years now. I've been full-time for almost a year. I'm going at a slow pace which some think is very bad, but I'm comfortable at the pace I'm going at. Actually I think going at this pace is quite beneficial. I'm not in so much of a rush to get through the process. I guess you could say that I am enjoying the journey. Stopping to smell the roses, so to speak. Plus perhaps at this rate I'm able to pick up the finer points of the RLT and the subtle details of living as female that perhaps someone rushing through transitioning might overlook?

Hello Allison.

Your life isn't getting in the way it is the way...  When it comes down to it all, if you are happy with the way your transition is going, then be happy.  Sure it would be nice if we had tons on money, but the fact it that many of us don't and that is one of the factors that dictate the speed of our transition.  For myself it can't happen soon enough, but I have other commitments I have to look after a long the way.  If I don't look after those, they could have an impact on my transition, and ultimately delay it.  So I have to compromise, and hey, life is full of compromises.

Go at the pace YOU are comfortable with, there is right or wrong answer on how fast, only you can determin that. 

Take care Steph

[gina_taylor]

Hi Alison

I think that you're handling your transition very well. There is no point in rushing through things and you may risk doing something wrong.

Take your time and everything will fall into place. It sounds like your roommate is rushing to get everything done without taking the necessary time to learn how to be a woman first.

Yes,  transitioning is a long process, and I've only just started myself with proper things, and I'm also willing on taking some of the consequences as well, but in the long run, I'm going to be so much better.

Gina

[AllisonY2K]

Thank you for the replies thus far.
I knew in posting I would receive a variety of responses, and it was good reading both sides of the coin. I think Kimberly summarized it best with Sometimes buying those little trinkets make life worth living. My mind is a mess trying to figure myself out lately. I'm eager to keep moving ahead in my transitioning and get to where I want to go. I am also enjoying pulling off at a scenic overlook and pausing to look around and take it all in and realize "hey, I'm transitioning, I'm full time and am on HRT for awhile now." because right now I'm further along then I ever imagined. I had one failed attempt at transitioning (probably b/c I moved too fast and couldn't adjust) so knowing that I am well beyond when I first transitioned is kind of awe-inducing.

I guess I just want to enjoy the journey and appreciate the destination when I get there. Right now I've pulled off to the side to take in what's around. I just need to remember to get back in the TS car and get back on the road, ya know?

[ginaroxx79]

I think buying a trinket evry once in awhile, or a new skirt now and then is a good thing. As long as it's an occasional splurge and not a constant drain I see no problem with it. You just keep going at the pace you feel comfortable with enjoy your journey. Myself, I'm more concerned with how I am viewed...if I am seen as a woman then what does it matter what I have between my legs for the time being? For me the destination is less important than the road taken to get there. I know a couple of girls from my time in L.A. who are turning tricks just to save money quicker(not because they have to). Sure they may get done sooner than me but will they be happy when they get there? As long as you are happy with what you see in the mirror it doesn't matter if some people think you should be moving faster.

[Shelley]

I've got to say this Alison if your going into any trenches judging by Terri's comment you want her with you.

  I'd trap and eat rats if that would accomplish a goal that was important to me

[AmyNYC]

One can argue that moral is a factor of survival.
Sometimes buying those little trinkets make life worth living.

Beautifully said Kimberly.

I don't go shopping often, but probably more than the rat trappers around here would on my income.  When I do go shopping, I usually feel guilty about it, but not for too long.  I almost always buy things on sale.  Truthfully, being the gender I always wanted wouldn't be much fun if I only had one thing to wear.  I would much rather walk around with a penis in clothes that make me really happy than walk around post-op in clothes that make me want to go hide in a closet somewhere.

I do like to eat out, but I feel it's a unneccessary cost when you don't have the money.  That said, there are some nights when I'm depressed and feel like coming home and crying that Chinese take-out helps me through a really rough time.

I'm usually a pretty good budgeter.  I know how much I can splurge with.  However, if there's something I really want (like my name change), I make sure I have the money for it.  Unfortunately, SRS just isn't an option anytime soon.  Luckily, I'm not just dying to get it done.  Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to have it done, but not at the cost of leading a miserable life for several years.

Bottom line, I set my priorities (like the subject of the post).

Amy

[Terri-Gene]

I would have to agree with cutting ones self a little slack now and again, as long as it is the exception and not a continual drain.  After all, for the amount of money needed and the overall time it takes to save what is virtually the cost of a new car all in cash, a few dollars on special occassions doesn't really affect the total outcome, but large expenses, or continual drains are unacceptable.  One simply has to put themselves in the most comfortable position possible with the least amount of expense and responsibilities in order to save in a maximum fashion in the shortest possible time.

A trinket on rare occassions or something you have to have to go on or be presentable by all means, but a new high performance sterio system or bigger TV etc, definately NOT.

Terri

[AmyNYC]

That's a good distinction I failed to make, Terri.

Occasionally treating yourself to a new pair of shoes is one thing.  But if you're buying excessively expensive things such as big screen TV's or eating take-out seven nights a week, I hope you can afford transition costs.  Otherwise, don't come crying to me.  HRT, electrolysis, therapy sessions, and clothes to look presentable in are my priorities (in that order).  I splurge on some treats for myself every once in a while, but I also make sure I get the 8-10 hours of electro I need a month.

And Terri, just in case you didn't know, "rat trappers" was truely a term of endearment 

Amy

[Sarah Louise]

I agree, buying "necessities" is one thing, but purchasing unabetedly is a problem.  We need to make sure we have the necessities first, then our savings for name change (over $500 here in California) and surgery next, then frivalities if there is anything left.

Being self employeed, I am never sure from one week to the next if I will have any money.

However, having said that, once in a while you do need to splurge just to stay sane.  It isn't often that I have the money to buy unnecessary things, but once in a while, when I have really been down, it helps to buy something "frilly" just to release the tension.

Sarah

[Terri-Gene]

And Terri, just in case you didn't know, "rat trappers" was truely a term of endearment 

Hah, I realised it was a type of joke Amy, and it made me laugh, as I remember the comment I made about that.  Thanks, actually I've never actually trapped or especially eaten any rats yet, but I could and would if it was necessary as the only means to keep things going. 

Actually though I haven't for years, I used to "target practice" off shoulder and prone shooting on long range cotton tails for the pot, occassionally getting a Jack by mistake at 300 to 500 yard ranges, with a 22-250 as it's ballistic capibilities were somewhat simular to the 6 and 7mm rifles I commonly used at the time, I also used to spend weekends hunting coyotes for the Pelts, but I never ate them either, I just buried them after skinning.  At $25 to $35 a pelt for a 10cent bullet, it paid some bills, though I really didn't need the money that bad back then.  I should be doing things like that now, but I have a personal aversion to such things these days, though I guess I could get around it if necessary.

Wish I could get 8 to 10 hours of electro a month, but I'm only able to manage 2 hours with the overhead I been climing out of.  Fortunately what is left is down the  edge of the jaw line and on the chin, and so I am able to cover the jaw with my hair and just suffer through the chin stuff during werewolf week, but I should be done 100% by the end of the year.  Sooner if my money works out like I expect it to after moving, and I took care of a lot of that overhead the last couple of months. 

The way things have been,  I don't have to pay a dime for therapy, medical and perscription fees, other then the $5 per script co-pay for 3 month supply, and it's all I can do just to cough up the $120 a month for electro and I haven't been out to a movie theater in a couple of years or to my favorite Girls only dance bar in months.  Fact I have consistantly cut out most everything, can't remember what Mac Donalds or Burger King tastes like and I drink a lot of water instead of soft drinks, beer or juices.  I do like a couple of beers once in a while, but when I told my doc I was up to a couple of 6's a week, I got told that was a problem and to cut it out entirely, so I did.  Makes one fat anyway.  Aside from some chicken, turkey or a little fish now and again, I haven't had any meat, other then a little hamburger in ages, Mostly beans and veggies these days and a vegitarian I'm not.  Ordinarily I will eat anything that can't get away from me.

Hell, aside from strickly social visits, bouncing to CD's with Friends,  playing cards or working on puzzles it often seems like I got no private life at all anymore what with putting away every last dime I don't need for overhead into the war chest and then keeping my grubby paws out of it.

It's hard to keep on focus living like that, but I just think about what it means and somehow that keeps me to it.  It's something that can't be put off or delayed any more then absolutely necessary anymore, to many things breaking down lately ... but like I said, I managed to put a huge dent in the overhead and that means more for the goal.

Terri

[AllisonY2K]

A trinket on rare occassions or something you have to have to go on or be presentable by all means, but a new high performance sterio system or bigger TV etc, definately NOT.

oh most definately. if I ever considered buying a bigger TV instead of doing my name change or putting it towards laser I'd slap myself. or have all my friends do it for me. (the slapping, not the buying)

right now I am needing to move out so I'm searching for roommate options that would be cheaper and therefore can set aside more towards transition. that and a 2nd job.