Getting into college, then actually getting something done about transitioning.

[insanitylives]

I'm in 11th grade. So this is the year is the year that matters, taking the SAT, maybe the ACT, state tests, making sure I get my grades at straight As this year.
But can I really stay in school?
I'm not the person who's able to go to a liberal art school. I'm really thinking architecture, which is an engineering branch.
I'm like 32nd in my class - top 10% - I've got grades most people would kill for (4.0 weighted, As and Bs in AP classes, only 1 C since 9th (and that was PE))
Should be getting at least a few accidemic scholarships. Probably not from nmsqt/sat though (and I never got the chance to take a  PLAN test)

But I'm worried I won't be able to stay in school through college.

Dorms, in particular.
I could deal with living with a girl, if she was alright with living with me (I know they do some level of personality survey to avoid putting two completely incompatable people together), but that's not idea IMO.
Guys would be difficult though too. Because, um, lack of dick, having tits. Would end up having to bind full time, which doesn't bother me, unless I'm sleeping or whatever.

I'm probably being paranoid, but I'm not totally sure whether or not I can actually do this without having serious problems in the process.

[Nero]

Is it possible to take a year off to transition?

[insanitylives]

No, not really.
Because taking a year off means I still have to live at home (can't really get a job in this area, no where here rents to 'just out of high school'), and my parents are fully against anything remotely "liberal", so can't be gay/bi/trans 'under their roof'. They think it's immoral.

Also taking a year off means what I did in high school doesn't count anymore, but I have nothing else. Since I'm relying on scholarships/grants on accidemics (my parents make too much for needs-based but as soon as i come out will refuse to pay anything), I need the high school stuff to still be valid when I apply.

year off = living with parents longer than necessary
living with parents any longer than necessary = I will die. I need those people out of my life.
(I'm not being dramatic, there's far more than I'm willing to talk about)

[Dani0621]

You should call the schools you're interested in and talk to some of their residential life counselors.  Certain schools might be more able/willing to make accommodations and some schools have LGBTQI specific housing.

[spacial]

Whatever you do, you absolutely must get your education.

If that means a bit of discomfort for a few years, it's worth it. Nothing is more important.

I'm sorry to sound like some old past it who doesn't understand. But without an education you will be insecure for life. That meand about 60 years.

A few years now, for 60 years?

The worst that can happen, sharing with a girl, is ...... What?

Get your education. Get your independance.

[insanitylives]

Yeah, I know. I'm willing to wait a little longer to ,and since my chosen name is just androgynous enough to pass as a girls name if i need it too I can still get name change ASAP.

Bah. I was kind of just venting insecurities again.

School comes first - hence why I'm not trying to push teachers now about the bathroom issue (i pass well enough to cause issues in the girls room, but enough people know "kyle's a girl!")

[xAndrewx]

Man I'm sorry. Check with your future college. A lot of them have anti-discrimination laws. Also if you're going for dorm living I've heard of a few guys who manage to get their own room in the mens building so no awkward sharing but also not being outed. It'll probably cost a little more though so you'd probably have to take out more loans

[M.Grimm]

I echo the others who say to check with your intended college.

I'm in college as well although I do not live on campus, which makes it easier for me, but I transitioned while attending university. So, people knew me as female initially and I thought it would be awkward but no one really seems to care; if they do, they are respectful enough to do nothing that harasses me. A lot of colleges are full of open-minded people (unlike a lot of high schools), it can be a great place to transition.

[A]

Do you really have to be in a school-provided dormitory ? Is there not always an out-of-school stay option ? Then you could live with just one or two people you could actually choose, or even better, alone. I don't know about where you live, but here, school dormitories are never mandatory (and far from always an option) except in very select ridiculously expensive private schools that provide bad education (that's just how it is here. You pay for the uniform and bad teachers.)

[Robert Scott]

Congrats on deciding to go to college!!  Very good decision.

Okay --- so my son transitioned in college ... during his sophomore year...he talked with the director of housing - set up an appointment & he was offered a single guys room at the same cost as a double.  The rationale was it was a medical necessity.  Now as a junior he is an RA in a men's dorm.

He has a good friend who is also transgender and attends a christian college in a major city.  The friend plays on the softball team & loves it.  So, the friend told housing he was genderqueer and uncomfortable living with a girl.  The housing department switched him into a single room in a co-ed dorm (this was his freshman year so he was required to live in a freshman dorm but they switched him out of it).

Next, I attend a family group for parents of transgender kids.  Two of the kids in the group started college this year.  Both of them are mtf.  Neither one of them comes close to passing since they both started hormones like a week before college started.  Both of them attend different schools and both were given single rooms on a girls floor.

So, it's been my experience --- out of the four trans kids I know who attend college --- one is a small liberal arts, one is a large christian school, one is a small state school & one is a large state school.  Everyone is accomendating.  So, I sggest you work with your school guidance counsserlos and enter college as your true gender.

[insanitylives]

Do you really have to be in a school-provided dormitory ? Is there not always an out-of-school stay option ? Then you could live with just one or two people you could actually choose, or even better, alone. I don't know about where you live, but here, school dormitories are never mandatory (and far from always an option) except in very select ridiculously expensive private schools that provide bad education (that's just how it is here. You pay for the uniform and bad teachers.)

Possible, but stupid and impractical. (rent costs more than a single dorm, esp. in cities. that and food (/malesterotypes))
Also no one in their right mind rents to a college student with part time employment (at best). And none of my friends have the same plans for post highschool (as well as the complication of "most of my friends are either seniors or freshmen or already in a school I'll never get into")

Congrats on deciding to go to college!!  Very good decision.

Been set on going since..middle school?

Okay --- so my son transitioned in college ... during his sophomore year...he talked with the director of housing - set up an appointment & he was offered a single guys room at the same cost as a double.  The rationale was it was a medical necessity.  Now as a junior he is an RA in a men's dorm.

He has a good friend who is also transgender and attends a christian college in a major city.  The friend plays on the softball team & loves it.  So, the friend told housing he was genderqueer and uncomfortable living with a girl.  The housing department switched him into a single room in a co-ed dorm (this was his freshman year so he was required to live in a freshman dorm but they switched him out of it).

Next, I attend a family group for parents of transgender kids.  Two of the kids in the group started college this year.  Both of them are mtf.  Neither one of them comes close to passing since they both started hormones like a week before college started.  Both of them attend different schools and both were given single rooms on a girls floor.

So, it's been my experience --- out of the four trans kids I know who attend college --- one is a small liberal arts, one is a large christian school, one is a small state school & one is a large state school.  Everyone is accomendating.  So, I sggest you work with your school guidance counsserlos and enter college as your true gender.

tl;dr is "talk to housing".
I love how the ABSOLUTE MOST OBVIOUS suggestions are the ones that we forget about.
Though, this brings up outing myself before I'm even accepted, and potentially ruining chances of getting in. Founded fear, or no?

[A]

Sorry I brought up something so stupid. I did not quite think about it, as here, the only thing I could call a school dormitory costs the same as I pay for my current appartment, in which we are two people (3 including my co-tenant's boyfriend who temporarily lives here). But this is no big city, and the main reasons why I will not go there are the absence of a kitchen (well, there is one, but it's shared for, like, 10 people. I take at least 1 hour preparing a meal. This does not do.) and the shared bathroom (I take at least 40 minutes to wash and 30 minutes to shave, let alone getting my hair done or anything. This does not do.)

It will probably not help you, but here is what I pay for my apartment :
282,50$ per month, electricity included
189,34$ per month, electricity included (while we are three here)

[Arch]

I love how the ABSOLUTE MOST OBVIOUS suggestions are the ones that we forget about.
Though, this brings up outing myself before I'm even accepted, and potentially ruining chances of getting in. Founded fear, or no?

The people who handle housing are not the same people who handle admissions, but I COMPLETELY understand your reservations. However, you might need to make some sacrifices in order to get what you need, so you will need to explain your situation to somebody.

I suggest that you contact the LGBT center at each school you are considering, and get friendly with the coordinator. He or she will be able to help you navigate all of this much more skillfully than we can, as well as ease some of your specific anxieties. Do you think you can handle that without feeling that you're outing yourself to possibly unfriendly individuals?

You might want to set up a new e-mail account just for college inquiries so that you can easily keep track of stuff and have everything in one place. Do your parents check up on your online activities? Are you not out to them at all? I don't remember if you've talked about your home situation here on Susan's.

I also recommended to somebody else that they look into The Advocate College Guide for LGBT Students. I haven't read this guide. It's a few years old, but it might be a good place to start.

[insanitylives]

The people who handle housing are not the same people who handle admissions, but I COMPLETELY understand your reservations. However, you might need to make some sacrifices in order to get what you need, so you will need to explain your situation to somebody.

I suggest that you contact the LGBT center at each school you are considering, and get friendly with the coordinator. He or she will be able to help you navigate all of this much more skillfully than we can, as well as ease some of your specific anxieties. Do you think you can handle that without feeling that you're outing yourself to possibly unfriendly individuals?

You might want to set up a new e-mail account just for college inquiries so that you can easily keep track of stuff and have everything in one place. Do your parents check up on your online activities? Are you not out to them at all? I don't remember if you've talked about your home situation here on Susan's.

I also recommended to somebody else that they look into The Advocate College Guide for LGBT Students. I haven't read this guide. It's a few years old, but it might be a good place to start.

Figures. I suppose anon. emails work too. I have multiple email accounts, and my last name is common as dirt.

LGBT center/groups tend to be decent, anyway. They're worth a shot.

My parents claim to check my online activity, but clearly don't or they would have found this place and a certain nsfw(but not quite porn ) folder burried in My Pictures.
Or they choose to live in denial. But i doubt that, bitch would've used this as a reason to throw me out by now if she was.
I need to live on campus though, I can't stay at home any longer than i have to.

[gilligan]

You might want to look into schools with gender-neutral or gender-blind housing. Basically it doesn't matter if your roommate is male or female. It is often aimed at the LGBT community, but can be particularly nice for transpeople. The thing is most people don't go in blind, meaning without someone you know for a roommate; although it isn't impossible to go in blind typically. But most likely default would be you rooming with girls. There are at least 50 colleges in the US that have gender neutral housing. My college doesn't, unfortunately; but I'm part of a student organization that is pushing for it in the future.