Limiting options to slow androgyne cycling

[Daen]

I haven't posted here much yet but imagine I will be posting more in the future. My greatest struggle in life has been the incessant switching between masculine male (always with facial hair) and andro. It is often accompanied with self-loathing and regret from either side.

I find that having the relatively easy OPTION to switch to either is perhaps a source of the trouble, or at least a largely contributing factor. Facial hair seems to be the primary aspect that allows me to make the obvious physical definition between masculine and andro.

I have decided for myself, that perhaps me intentionally limiting my options may allow me some peace. So I am proceeding with laser beard removal. I had a couple sessions about a year ago and have since found a mustache/goatee to be borderline challenging due to the thinned hairs. So if I continue the sessions then it would be reasonable to think that not having the ability to grow facial hair may help me stabilize as andro or at least somewhere in between. I had a laser session today so I am continuing down this road as of now.

Anyone else come across this point of definite choice to help stabilize identity cycling/dysphoria?

[Jaimey]

I have certainly thought about it.  For me, what keeps me from taking on a completely androgynous look to go along with my identity is my weight.  I keep telling myself that if I lose weight, I'll be able to present the way I want, all the while, dressing very feminine.  I haven't fully committed to losing weight and I often feel guilty about that.