New to site but not to my gender

[Jamiess]

I am happy to be writing here. I have been aware of my gender since I was very young. My first memories were of my mother humiliating me by parading me in front of others with a dress on while making fun of me. I asked for a dress in a store and embarrassed her, so I guess she felt turn about is fair play. I am now over forty and I found out several years ago that I have very low testosterone levels. I took testosterone for a couple of years and hated it. I kept increasing the dosage and felt worse with each increase. It was at that point I had to confess my true feelings a started on estrogen. I am much happier now, but I live in the south and people tend to hide from this issue. I'm married and have two kids that I love dearly. I am very spiritual and believe God has given me this so I can be of help to others. God has led me to college and I am about to graduate with a degree in counseling. I am one of the only male students. This is by coincidence as well as the degree I am working towards. I am now an intern and I got a client the other day that has gender issues. I do not know if it is GID or not but I am amazed at what is going on in my life. I hate being treated like a male and it has always grated on my nerves to be referred to as a guy. There are no gender therapist in my city and the one I am seeing is treating it the best she can, but sees it as a sexual orientation issue. I told her that gender and sex is not the same thing. I am not interested in men and do not feel comfortable around them. I am not sure but I believe it is because I was made fun of as a child. I was taught to act like a man and lost myself through the years of "faking it". I am very unhappy about that, but I am doing my best to rediscover myself. I have gone out as a woman before but it makes me sad because of all the events I have missed in my life. My hope is that I can help others so they will not have the regrets that I have. I could go on-and-on but I'll stop for now.
TTFN

[andro]

Hi Jamiess
I am new too and just wanted to say Hi
cheers for your courage and belief in self! I too am middle aged and for myself, semi confused lol. Have you thought of finding a therapist online if your living in a small town? perhaps you could get a recommendation from your therapist to one in a larger city and then see if they will counsel you online? I have also found counselors, therapists , psychologist that will phone consult.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Jamiess,

Welcome to our little family. Over 5900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

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Hugs and Love,
Janet

[Stephanie.Izann]

WELCOME to our Family!

[annette]

Hi Jamiess

Welcome to the forum.
You wrote you be sorry for all the things you missed but, if you are more comfortable as a woman you should do something about it, because time is flying by.
I wrote in another topic that all the days you have grieves for your past will be counting off from your future.

Maybe it's a good idea to see  a therapist who knows more about gender issues.
If you really know what you are and the way you want to spend your life, you have more stability.
never the less, there are a lot of people with simular expiriences on this site, maybe they can help you.

And you are right to your therapist, gender has nothing to do with sex but with identity, if she missed that point I can't figure out how she can help you to identify yourself.

I hope things will be clear for you in the future.
In the mean time....you've got friends worldwide now, just by joining us, because there are a lot of people with supporting and compassionate minds here.

Anyway a big welcome hug
annette

[Juliet]

My first memories were of my mother humiliating me by parading me in front of others with a dress on while making fun of me. I asked for a dress in a store and embarrassed her, so I guess she felt turn about is fair play.

yikes! I'm so sorry you had that experience

[justmeinoz]

While the past can't be rewritten, it is great that you are in a position to help others with similar problems.  All the best with your studies.

[Renate]

I don't know if I'm reading too much into you saying that you feel uncomfortable around men.

No, I'm not saying that you have to romantically or sexually like them.
I'm saying that if you want to be a counselor being comfortable around men
(which implies being comfortable with yourself) might be important.

For some of us, the not-fitting-in with men caused a lot of discomfort.
Realizing that you are not one of them you can begin to appreciate them as an entirely different species.