Clothes, hair & hope in the face of tragedy

[sascraps]

I find myself thinking of living even more of a guy lifestyle, as if all my clothes aren't already guy's clothes. But being so overweight, I'm stuck with the baggy cargo pants and band shirts like I've been wearing since I was 15. My style hasn't changed at all in 20 years. But I'm really anxious to lose a lot of weight and try new things. I was also thinking of shaving my head really short or trying the high & tight marine style cut. And that I can do as soon as my boyfriend, or soon to be ex, goes back to his home state. And so that's where I get the tragedy from. It is ending. He got drunk again and was yelling at me and all again, and I finally got up the courage to say how I feel, and he can't deal with it. So, it's whatever. It's the first serious relationship of my life, and the last! I seriously don't want to be with anyone ever again. But I'm amazed I can take as much emotional pain as I can, and still think about the future for myself. I've never been able to do that before. Being ftm is like salvation for this otherwise broken person.

[spacial]

Wishing you well sascraps.

[sascraps]

Thanks.  I think I'll be ok this time.

[Tara L]

Hey, my FtM is also my salvation, glad to hear of looking future, my sanity also. I can not live full time, 60F/40M and works for situation. I've pushed to greener side of recent year, comutte and shop by bicycle, simple life, and as have looked for style changes found this busy second hand shop, mostly clothes. They have two senior ladies sitting there sewing by hand in front of a pile of clothes. I don't like the cheap materials in the big box retail stores. I've found both M and F clothes, shoes, jackets - name brand in excellent shape and can buy more stuff for than I could for a couple things retail.

Anyway, happy to hear of MtF future...

Tara

[sascraps]

I've been feeling particularly dysphoric a lot lately. It comes in waves, usually about going to the bathroom and how everything is the same old same old in that department. I used to just think my dysphoria was about life itself, and I would feel depressed because "life just sucks!" Now it's "THIS sucks!" And I mean physically being and having to live as female.