"Are you a woman? Can't really tell from here..."

[Nemo]

I know I tend to pop up just now and then, mainly to update my progress thread, but I guess I've just been lucky in the transition process so far.

Well, until today at least.

I've had a few up and down periods while away on sick leave recovering from my hysto (which went very well, I'm happy to say). One special needs person in a charity shop called out to her co-worker that she couldn't tell whether I was "a lad or a lass" as she was selling bracelets and badges. On the other hand, I got my hair cut at a unisex hairdresser and passed with flying colours. Came back to Leeds feeling great, my energy levels back with a vengeance now the parasite's gone, and generally feeling good about myself.

Then I needed to do a bit of shopping, so since I can't carry much just yet it was a trip round the corner to the local co-op - which sometimes has homeless or alcoholic folks (or both) hanging round there. Today was no exception as I got approached by this guy on my way to the entrance, asking if I had any change. I told him no and he moved off.

While in the shop, I bumped into him again. This time, while asking again for change, he paused, took a closer look under my trilby and asked if I was a woman. I told him no, and his response was "You're kidding!" and once more asked if I was a woman.

By this point I was feeling pretty ticked off, not to mention wishing he'd p* off before others noticed the exchange. I tried challenging him - "What does it look like?!" - and when that didn't work I just said "Does it matter?" He eventually left it, asked again for change, I told him no and he finally left me alone.

Yes, I'm soft. Yes, I should have got angry (although with him being alchie that might not be wise anyway). I've generally been spoilt so far, with this only being the second time I've had this since going FT nearly a year ago, so I got caught unawares. I'll most likely get it again while the hormones are still working - this is mainly a rant, admittedly, although any advice on how to handle future episodes would be most welcome. Except those that include violence, I'm just not the type

[Arch]

Nemo, people like this don't come around very often, and I think you're right that it doesn't do much good to get angry with them. But if you're protecting your "cover" and don't want other people to start wondering, then there are probably a few stereotypical responses that observers would likely see as definitively guy-like.

Leslie Feinberg wrote about an incident like this in Stone Butch Blues. I don't know if the exchange happened IRL to Feinberg. But the character Jess is questioned on the subway and says in a surly tone, "F*** off!" or maybe "F*** you!" In the novel, the male questioner turns to his girlfriend and says, "It's a guy."

Heavy sarcasm? "Yeah, I'm a girl. With a six-inch dick." Feel free to revise your size. It helps if you pack. You never know when some drunken idiot is going to take it upon himself to investigate you manually. If you have nothing in your crotch, well, that's a problem.

Turn the tables back on him. "Come back and ask me that when you're sober."

I dunno. I like the Feinberg response. Otherwise, just get out of there as fast as you can without looking like you're in a hurry.

Avoid asking, "What does it look like?" Obviously, he thinks it looks like...what you don't want it to look like.

I have found that "Does it matter?" will confound some people. Others, not so much.

Bottom line, if you're not an angry and confrontational person, then you'll have to find your own way to deal with the occasional drunk. Perhaps someone here will come up with a few suggestions that fit your style and outlook on life.

Congrats on the hysto, by the way.

[Michelle.]

Dude. Why are you seeking validation of your manhood from the towns skid row drunk?

Your a man, nough said. Tell a guy like that in the future to piss off.

[Nemo]

Dude. Why are you seeking validation of your manhood from the towns skid row drunk?

I'm not seeking validation, I just need to be better prepared to handle such idiots without blowing my cover, so to speak.

Arch: Thanks I like the come back when sober one, will have to remember that. Won't work so well if the next time happens with someone who's just an a*hole though. I just suck at confrontation

I actually asked my cis-male housemate this eve, who's a similar temperament to me. He said he'd assume they were messing about and be incredibly calm, even jokey about it. That helped a little - will need some mirror practice, I think...

[Arch]

How about, "I want a bottle of whatever you're drinking!!!"

They don't have to be drunk. In fact, maybe this comeback works better when they're not.

I have found that it's nice to have a few ready responses for weird situations. So practice away.

[Devlyn]

Nemo, sorry you had a bad day. I had a perfect solution for you, then I got to the part about no violence, and........I'll just go now. Hugs, Tracey

[spacial]

A fellow with the sort of behaviour you describe?

No surprises he's living on the streets, asking for change then.

Though, if I may, perhaps the local police need to be made aware of this psychopath. He could hurt someone.

[Wraith]

"What, is the alcohol turning you gay?". Hm, on the other hand, that might be asking for trouble

[jodi]