I have no advice, but can relate somewhat.
I have ADHD without hyperactivity. When I was a child, it was diagnosed as petit mal seizures (common in those days), for which I was medically treated until, in college, I stopped taking the drugs. The college counselor said my problems were due to hating my parents, which my mother had deduced independently. When diagnosed as ADHD decades later, I took the appropriate drugs for a few years, but didn't find them as helpful as the behavioral adjustments I'd figured out over time.
I am also subject to migraine headaches, though I have learned or time has allowed me to avoid the actual headache, so now I only get the auras (sometimes the aura does mess with my brain for a while). Then there are some processing issues.
Dealing with these took precedence over the gender incongruity, but I was always aware of it and it never went away. I have been visiting Susan's for three years, and found wisdom, encouragement, and humor here. I hope you find much of the same.
Be well,
S
