What label should you attach to yourself?
I'd just go with "Human" for a start, and cut yourself some slack.
If your wife knows of your underwear preference, and is comfortable with it, then you have communication. How does she feel about you wanting to dress in a more feminine fashion overall?
If you can reassure her you do not want to have you male genitals removed, and still love her, maybe you can explore the whole issue together, so that she knows what is going on at all levels.
There is lots of info here, and a forum for SO's too, which she might get good value out of.
Karen.