Alison,
I uh, am new to the forum, but I wanted to encourage your attempts in support groups. I have never been to a SO support group, but I did attend a support group for trans identified individuals with my partner.
I was nervous and new to the entire experience. My partner was at the VERY beginning stages of coming out as trans, and I felt like I was on egg shells. In the end it was the most comforting experience I had ever had. Everyone was unbelieveably kind and welcoming. I remember the glimmer in my partner's eyes when I used "he". He smiled and tears welled up in his eyes.
I hope to one day make the jump and attend an SO support group. It's really important because there are so few of us out there.
Thanks for allowing me to share,
Bri