A strange situation...

[JungianZoe]

So here's the deal: I went full time about two months ago and everything's gone better than I could have dreamed.  But my oldest friend and one of my closest supporters is in a tricky situation that I'm afraid my transition will only make worse.

He has two kids (now ages 13 and 10) from a marriage that ended when his ex got pregnant for the second time by some random guy she met at work.  Despite her drug use and having no job, she got custody of the kids.  Five years later, she's now married, has another kid, no job, still into drugs, and is twisting my friend into knots, legally speaking.

My friend signed a lease one late-summer morning last year, then was laid off that afternoon.  During the month it took him to find another job, he fell behind on a child support payment, and despite his making it up in the meantime, she still went to court to get his wages garnished--a sum totaling nearly 70% of his paycheck.  Now he's about to go bankrupt and she's threatening to pull his visitation completely if he doesn't stop working so many hours.

Now that you know what a charming person she is, here's the tricky bit: the kids know about me and accepted me immediately and unquestionably (started calling me by my new name, new pronouns, the works... and they've known me their entire lives).  They're as open-minded and loving as the day is long, but they're savvy enough to know what their mother is pulling.  Not sure they're old enough to understand the legal ramifications of it all, but they're pushing away from their mom pretty strongly right now because of what she's done to my friend (their dad).  They're also being very careful not to disclose what's going on with this person they now call Zoe, for fear that their mother will use exposure to a trans person as basis to pull her biggest legal coup yet.

So the question is, would she have a leg to stand on using me as a basis to take my friend's kids from him?  They're the pride and joy of his life and it would be the end of the world if something like that happened.  Luckily, all parties reside in a large metropolitan area with a traditionally liberal court system.

Her demands and her threats have been increasing lately to ridiculous dimensions, and this is really scaring me... I would never want to be the basis of shattering my friend's life.

[Karynm8621]

I'm having this issue with my daughters boyfriend as we speak. they have 2 girls together, 1 and 3.

Now they are splitting up and he's suddenly a homophobe. Because she is thinking of moving home to get her affairs in order he is making comments like " no judge will like them living with a transgender and a lesbo (my wife of 20 years and her mom), it a pretty sick household if ya ask me.

He's also now trying to say because I "decided to change genders at 45" that I'm " really sick and mentally ill"

Funny enough to my face he's nice as pie...

Here's where being trans may just pay off and I don't know where you are n your transition but going through this we have to walk with therapists and Drs constantly. So I've decided now to get letters from all my Drs showing just how sane I am. I would have to imagine this would hold some weight from accredited Drs ...

[tekla]

A judge in family court only has one rule to follow and that's "What's in the best interest of the child (children)."  They have absolute control over that, and in defining those parameters, and are very, rarely overruled. So it's a matter of luck as to which judge you will draw, but family court judges are among the most conservative on the bench.

[Ann Onymous]

*caveat: the below is not to be inferred as advice as to any individual legal matter and is a non-State specific observation based upon professional observations in matters associated with other clients.  No comments in this thread shall be construed in a manner so as to create an illusion of an attorney-client relationship.

Family law is one of the areas in which the judge really does tend to get to play jury and executioner.  It is not at all uncommon to see all sorts of extraneous crap come in during family law proceedings that would NEVER make it into criminal proceedings even if disclosed in the 404(b) response (at least not without a hearing outside the presence of the jury).

If ever there was a situation calling for the hiring of competent counsel, OP's friend is in one.  However, good counsel in the family law realm is often not cheap (I know a few in Dallas as an example that were billing around $450 per hour). 

Another option for counsel would be to look to a local law school (if one exists) to see what clinics they might have.  Some schools have decent family law clinics that may be able to provide some guidance. 

[tekla]

that would NEVER make it into criminal proceedings

That's because it's not a criminal proceeding, but a civil one, and the rules for civil trials are very different in all matters, not just family law.

[Ann Onymous]

that would NEVER make it into criminal proceedings

That's because it's not a criminal proceeding, but a civil one, and the rules for civil trials are very different in all matters, not just family law.

hence the manner in which that paragraph was written.  Also hence the reason behind the caveat. 

[tekla]

Don't give people the incorrect choice, it only confuses the situation.

[Ann Onymous]

Don't give people the incorrect choice, it only confuses the situation.

let's see...I wrote:

It is not at all uncommon to see all sorts of extraneous crap come in during family law proceedings that would NEVER make it into criminal proceedings even if disclosed in the 404(b) response (at least not without a hearing outside the presence of the jury).

Not sure what you found confusing there.  Clearly delineates between family and criminal.  The only way it MIGHT get confusing is when someone excerpts a portion of the statement to completely take it out of context.