Pass First, Question Second?

[KamTheMan]

Hey everyone. I've always preferred mens clothes, but I didn't start questioning my gender until most strangers started calling me sir or bro. Also my family kept asking why I dress like a boy. So I was all like, "Why do I dress like a boy?" and started googling. Can anyone relate?

[kyril]

I can't, but I know others who can.

I would caution you that a lot of butch women and tomboyish girls "pass" as men with varying frequency. There are a lot of women who prefer men's clothing, who are masculine or butch, who like to be strong and tough and project that image in their appearance. It's OK to be a woman like that - it's normal, it's a moderately-uncommon but still normal way of being a woman.

If you're still questioning, I'd urge you to take your time. Think very carefully about the relationship between your body and your gender identity. Do you prefer to wear/do "masculine"-coded things because you believe you're a boy, or do you believe you might be a boy because you like to do "masculine"-coded things? The first describes a lot of trans guys (others, like me, actually don't necessarily prefer masculinity, or don't see any intrinsic connection between our masculine attributes and our maleness); the second describes a lot of young women who question their gender but ultimately decide not to transition.

[malinkibear]

No. Just remember that liking one gender's clothes more than the other doesn't necessarily mean you want to take it further. I think that crossdressing men are known enough for people to accept that not every man who crossdresses is transgendered, but crossdressing women are left out in the cold a bit - it's seen either as a little tomboy, butch dyke, or transgendered deal. Maybe you just like these clothes better. Take your time, and play around with it.

EDIT: I feel like I'm not very clear in that... if anyone has an issue with part of it, tell me and I can clear it up.

[Anon]

I guess I can relate. I've passed as a boy mostly all my life because my mom didn't really care, but all I knew was I was uncomfortable with people pointing out my girl status. I really thought that everyone was a boy on the inside, and some of them were just born female 'cus there had to be two sexes. I felt very betrayed by my so-called tomboy friends when I learned they actually liked being girls.. That was the end of a few friendships

Anyways, I know you only recently started thinking about your gender, but have you thought about the effects HRT would have? I was young (12) when it was pointed out to me that I was trans, but once I started looking into it I knew I definitely was 'cus the idea of having a beard was awesome. Granted, not all transmen take T, especially if they sing..but it's something to think about.

[ravij]

You probably prefer them because they're more comfortable than a woman's clothes will ever be.

[TreyLeeGamer]

Hi jordiBoi420, I'm a female crossdresser who also prefers mens clothes, and wants to someday pass as a male time to time (hair, voice and real name currently get in the way).

Men's clothing appeals to me because many reasons. Comfort and convenience are big ones.  Pants have pockets with more than enough room to put your entire hands inside, instead of only half. T-shirts that don't want to hug your skin and wrap too snuggly around your shoulders. Button ups make it easier get a shirt on when dealing with long wet hair. Hair is much more manageable and convenient when it's short. Cost is also a bonus, boy's clothes < women's clothes.

If it was just for those reasons I like mens clothing I wouldn't have considered myself a crossdresser, except the idea of being seen and treated as an actual guy is really compelling. I've gone so far so to research my male name, and research ways of passing as a dude. However I'm comfortable with my body the way that it is currently and don't mind being called a women.

One of the ways I figured out I was a CD instead of a TS was I tried imagining becoming a male with no way to reverse the affects. The thought of facial hair and a new addition bellow the waist that wasn't temporary didn't really appeal to me. 

not every man who crossdresses is transgendered

Don't you mean 'not every man who crossdresses is transsexual'?

[sascraps]

I spent most of my life (over 30 years) thinking I was just a tomboy until I got introduced to the whole trans thing. I watched a few videos that showed some FTMs transition from beginning to end and I was blown away and thought it was the most incredible thing I've ever seen. I never gave my gender identity much thought because I've always been a very logical person and go by the facts. But in questioning myself, reading more about it, joining the forum and reading other people's stories and experiences, I've come to think that this is the key, and now everything in my life makes sense. I'm being completely honest when I say that I have always have had this disconnect when it comes to my body. As a little kid I always felt alien and not right. Even now I still get feelings of "Ugh! This isn't me!" when hell, the only thing female I own are my sports bras! I do feel like I'm in the wrong body.

[CFPrice]

Yeah, I understand what you're saying, and I guess I kind of did the same thing. I dressed in masculine/tomboyish clothes for a long time (spent middle school with students doing all the dumb "tests" to see if I was a lesbian), and once I cut my hair short I got all of the "boy/bro/sir/young man" comments. While I'd done some research I really just put it to the back of my mind and tried to find some feminine identity I was comfortable with. It was finally my friend asking, "Do you want to be a man?" when I was describing how I felt, or how I wanted a beard or something that got me going down this road. So... I guess it's been 9ish years since I started passing and I've only been really questioning//out/transitioning for the last 3 - 4 years// last year.

[KamTheMan]

Hey everyone. Thanks so much for all the replies.

Kyril, I like that you asked "Do you prefer to wear/do "masculine"-coded things because you believe you're a boy, or do you believe you might be a boy because you like to do "masculine"-coded things?" because that's something I'm struggling with.

I'm perceived as male probably 98% of the time. But when I'm called sir or bro, etc I never correct them and instead go along with it (my voice drops an octave and my shoulders curl slightly to ensure my chest is hiding). That just doesn't seem like something a 'normal' woman would do. I feel so comfortable when treated like a guy, but worry it stems from discomfort at being seen as 'butch dyke.'

sascraps, it was great that you wrote, "I never gave my gender identity much thought because I've always been a very logical person and go by the facts." Because I've been wondering if the fact that I look at everything so logically is what is holding my back. It took me forever to admit to liking girls because it just didn't make sense to me and I've always craved that traditional masculine/feminine relationship dynamic (with me always wanting to fill the masculine role), but it's like, what does that even mean?

TreyLeeGamer, you said "One of the ways I figured out I was a CD instead of a TS was I tried imagining becoming a male with no way to reverse the affects. The thought of facial hair and a new addition bellow the waist that wasn't temporary didn't really appeal to me." I've been trying to ask myself how these changes would make me feel and I hit a wall. I can't imagine myself with pecs, but I've always envied the male chest and how shirts hang on them. I can't picture myself with a beard, but I hate my soft jawline.

One of the biggest things is that when I think about talking to anyone out loud about any of these thoughts, I want to throw up. But what woman who is supposed to be a woman questions their gender? It's like I don't know how I got to this place, but now that I have how can I turn back?

[TreyLeeGamer]

How about trying to see it from the other side. How does being seen as female, wearing female clothes, and having a female body make you feel? What do you like and dislike about it.

There is a difference between wanting to appear as a male, and wanting to be a male. Do you think that getting the visual image of a male/flat chest and strong jaw line would be enough to satisfy you? You might want to look into the option of chest binding. A quick google search of 'how to stronger jaw line' popped up some results of facial exercises for making the jawline look stronger. I'm skeptical of if they work, but it's worth looking into.

Do you mind clarifying how your family seems to be dealing with the idea of a daughter dressing as a boy? Accepting, disappointed, frustrated, dismissive or only curious? 

I don't really think it's so much a question of how you can turn back, but a question of where do you want to stop and settle down? I see a woman who is questioning her gender as someone who is just trying to figure out their identity. Sociality pressures on gender roles are what make questioning one's gender a big deal. The idea that it is naturally wrong for a person to question their gender, is not one that we came to believe by ourselves. It is an idea that has been constantly reinforced externally by the society around us. It's scary being in a place that you may feel like you belong, but everyone else is pressuring you to leave.