"but gender just doesn't matter."

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

i've been doing alot of thinking lately, and i was just thinking how much of a pain it was for me to get everything i have now. to live as completely female as i desire is all i ever really wanted. i'm not even sure if at this point i could call it a want, a need rather. it's what keeps me going. it's what keeps me invested in life, and wanting to be the best i can be. the problem is, coming out is a hurdle for just about everyone, and it's not easy. i've found that when you come out to just about anyone, it's pretty rare that they're just going to say "is that all?" even the least judgemental types still say "why do you have to do that? gender doesn't matter." "don't you think that's farfetch'd?" case and point, if gender doesn't matter, then the way i express mine shouldn't matter. gender does not matter to YOU! do any of you care about someone else's gender? that question never crosses anyone's mind who has never had to think about that, so it never mattered to THEM. so i'm just curious. have any of you had that experience where you're told "gender doesn't matter. you're taking it too far."

[Pica Pica]

Yup - and a large dollop of me agrees.

When I was right ensconced in the whole gender mess, couldn't see anything other than gender but at the same time I knew there was lots more in life and I would find it more satisfying to take part in that larger, fuller and richer world.

Though I couldn't until I sorted the gender stuff out - 'sall puzzle boxes.

[rejennyrated]

Gender doesn't matter at all... but physical sex certainly does!

I hated having male bits - that's all.

[Layn]

if gender doesn't matter, then the way i express mine shouldn't matter.

uuuuuh thats something i should keep in mind.

yes it's happened... i think. it was a while ago. i think it was actually positive, in that sense "that's okay because it doesn't matter"

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

uuuuuh thats something i should keep in mind.

yes it's happened... i think. it was a while ago. i think it was actually positive, in that sense "that's okay because it doesn't matter"

exactly what i was trying to get across. people twist that as they wish. i think it is a good phrase to take note of. that's what i really wanted to say many times, but didn't know the right words. in hindsight, i was able to come to that conclusion.

[MarinaM]

I have it wrapped twice. (physical and social)

My gender means quite a bit to me, however, I respect and am totally fascinated by someone's opinion if it doesn't matter at all to them. I know I'm not doing this purely for presentation. That's a perk. I can swap out whatever clothes or hobbies I want, and until I'm physically complete I prefer to straddle the gender divide. This is much more about sex (the physical sex and sex characteristics of my body) to me. I want people to look at me and go: female. Then if they're interested, I want to be able to have a relationship with them as female. A totally awesome female at that.

[rejennyrated]

I have it wrapped twice. (physical and social)

My gender means quite a bit to me, however, I respect and am totally fascinated by someone's opinion if it doesn't matter at all to them. I know I'm not doing this purely for presentation. That's a perk. I can swap out whatever clothes or hobbies I want, and until I'm physically complete I prefer to straddle the gender divide. This is much more about sex (the physical sex and sex characteristics of my body) to me. I want people to look at me and go: female. Then if they're interested, I want to be able to have a relationship with them as female. A totally awesome female at that.

Snap - with the difference that mine is long since in the past tense because they already do!

[Cen]

My SO didn't respond exactly like that, but she had difficulty relating because she is happy with her physical sex.  Those who are happy with it are probably always going to have some difficulty understanding at first.

Even I find myself thinking that way sometimes, and I haven't been happy with my body since the concepts of gender and physical sex became clear to me.  Why rock the boat when my life can be "great" if I keep up what I'm doing now?  Why risk everything over something that shouldn't matter to me?  Most of my doubts revolve around not wanting to mess up a "good" thing, and it is hard to get past them...

[Janet_Girl]

I don't mind male bits, just not on this body.  They are soooooooo wrong.

Gender doesn't matter, because most people don't see it.  What they see is sex.  If the see a woman, they see a vagina.  If they see a man it it a penis.  Pure and simple.

But gender matters to us because we are focused on it.  And I think that is where going stealth comes in.  Once we get to the point that gender does not matter any more, especially our own, we just step into the world that is a everyday-run-of-the-mill day.  No thinking about our gender identity, no wondering if we "pass", no worrying about if we are read.  We just are.

[Sephirah]

Yeah, I've had that conversation with one of the first people I came out to. It lasted five hours and ultimately resulted in a grudging respect for the way I felt with still no real understanding of why. All I can say is that it's easy to be blasé about trees when you live in a forest. The only way I knew to explain it was this:

Assume you're dying of thirst. Picture yourself in a place where you can walk five feet into the kitchen, turn on a tap, take as big a glass of water as you like and drink till you're thirst has been slaked, then go back to sleep. Now picture yourself in a place where you have to get up, walk 10 miles, avoid snakes, predators who will kill you just to watch you bleed, climb a sheer cliff, get there and hope the water hasn't been polluted, hope you don't drop the glass, walk 10 miles back avoiding all the same pitfalls... and then have to do it all over again the next time you get thirsty. Is it any wonder that you're obsessed with getting a tap put in your kitchen?

[Sabriel Facrin]

I haven't had people say that directly, but rather indirectly.  Two of my supporters told me that it's entirely not worth pursuing my lifestyle at all: One tried to deconstruct anything I could do as entirely ineffective as well as pointless, and the other said that it's too stressful to bother.  The second one is ironically enough an MtF transexual herself! I've also had three people, two of them my parents, and one of them a supporter, who said that my feelings were a total low-priority that should be dealt with only when my life brings me into an entirely convenient point.

All five of these people have been told that I can't stand being male anymore.  Not so coincidentally, all five of these people are completely ignored for support, even when I feel desperate.

(Ok, weird, instead of posting it jumped me to the home page, despite 'return to topic' being checked, and I don't see the post.  I hope this doesn't double-post)