*** Trigger warning ***
I have, as an eight year old boy. It took a long time for it to resurface and then I could process it, understanding that what happened to me was wrong, that I had no control of it, and I did nothing wrong.
Has anyone else been hurt this way, and would you care to respond? I know it can be difficult.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn on May 04, 2018, 10:30:47 AM
I have, as an eight year old boy.
I was rape at seven years old. I was trauma until this day.
Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
Quote from: Meghan on May 04, 2018, 10:38:42 AM
I was rape at seven years old. I was trauma until this day.
Big hug! I'm sorry honey. Thank you for stepping up and acknowledging your past.
Hugs, Devlyn
Age 15, high school locker room.
It's a horribly damaging thing to go through. Cruel and unusual punishment of the highest order, scarring a person for life and damaging their ability to interact with the human race. The suggestion that this might be a form of punishment, or a 'mere' side effect of incarceration in our 'corrective' prison system is just unacceptable.
(We have a county-wide holding system for persons arrested here. The Sheriff's Office runs 'holding', and has a history of throwing arrested trans women into the men's holding cell. The sheriff's deputy will check on the holding cell every two hours, on the dot, and otherwise ignore it. You really, really do not want to be trans and arrested here. It is extremely dangerous.)
Quote from: Michelle_P on May 04, 2018, 11:05:08 AM
Age 15, high school locker room.
It's a horribly damaging thing to go through. Cruel and unusual punishment of the highest order, scarring a person for life and damaging their ability to interact with the human race. The suggestion that this might be a form of punishment, or a 'mere' side effect of incarceration in our 'corrective' prison system is just unacceptable.
(We have a county-wide holding system for persons arrested here. The Sheriff's Office runs 'holding', and has a history of throwing arrested trans women into the men's holding cell. The sheriff's deputy will check on the holding cell every two hours, on the dot, and otherwise ignore it. You really, really do not want to be trans and arrested here. It is extremely dangerous.)
Big hug! I'm sorry, Michelle. Thank you for sharing this unpleasant memory with us. I know what it's like to access these recollections.
Hugs, Devlyn
Was in a county "max security" for 3 days . . . and could definitely sense the creepy vultures circling. Day 4 would have been 'general population' girl I swore never again (long story)! Didn't eat for those three days, befriended (and fed) someone I hoped wouldn't need as a protector!
Was getting bullied pretty bad in Jr High gym until someone else, didn't even know his name, actually stepped in and stopped it! Never been in a real fist fight - now figure (not then of course) that's what GUNS are for (the great equalizer)!
I've had a few attempts made but so far have been able to somehow escape - 1st couple times was on my paper route, think I was around 10 yrs or so
Then in the high school locker a few boys, 3 of them in particular would accost and threaten me - I quit taking my showers but one of them told the coach on me
The coach told me I was required to take my shower and that he would be watching me to make sure - I was scared to death but what I didn't realize is that the coach had a clue and was watching to see what was going on
Immediately the guys followed me into the shower and began to push and prod at me slap at my butt with their penis'
Luckily as promised the coach was watching and they all got suspended for I think was a week or something
The coach would let me shower in the coach's showers for awhile but eventually I was excused from P.E. all together
Last but not least was in the jail - Right away guys started threatening me and arguing who would get me first but I made bail and my case was dropped
So I a few close calls and was very frightened but also very lucky
I was not raped but I was molested while in Boy scouts. Around the age of 12. Went to the bathroom and Denver came in and took pictures and began touching me. He was supposed to be an adult supervisor even though he was only four or five years older. My nephew raped an eight year old in the Philippines when he was stationed there, Spent 11 years in Prison at Fort Knox. Should have been there for life.
Quote from: DawnOday on May 04, 2018, 01:01:53 PM
I was not raped but I was molested while in Boy scouts. Around the age of 12. Went to the bathroom and Denver came in and took pictures and began touching me. He was supposed to be an adult supervisor even though he was only four or five years older.
Ah, molested was the term I was trying to think of
I was as a young adult.
The main thing to know is that if it happens, that it is not your fault, and I would encourage you to report it to the police, though what kind of response you will get from them will vary. Many Police Departments ignore rape cases like these denying the victim any sense of justice.
True, it is not your fault and it should be reported although many times it does go unreported - I have a tendency to try to block these experiences from my mind when I probably should have reported it but I was embarrassed and afraid
No penetrative rape, but molested when I was young.
Quote from: SailorMars1994 on May 04, 2018, 01:45:38 PM
No penetrative rape, but molested when I was young.
OMG A girlfriend down the street . . . XXX father! One offense/attempt is bad enough, natural 'stay away' defenses usually kick in, but cannot imagine otherwise . . . Got invited to YMCA swimming but, thinking it odd that XX didn't come too, upon arriving @ Y, for whatever reason, it was CLOSED and just him and I!
With XXX S, who lived between, just adjacent/across from XX and I, it was more like pre-adolescent guy/girl experimentation and take-away from
that was nothing but frustration!
lol Nowadays it is merely
verbal molestation every time 'ex' throws a fit my way!
<Names removed Admin>
Interesting this topic would come up just before my therapist appt. - It made for an interesting discussion and I remembered the most recent attempt of a few years ago
I guy walked into my apt. and began to wrestle me down while I was at my computer, he got confused and left when he realized that I have a penis
It also dawned on me how messed up this world can be and just how dangerous some of the places I've live in actually are
And some people where I live wonder why I'm so adamant about locking the building at night? ::)
Sometimes I wonder if it's happened and I've just blocked it out of memory. I don't think so, but I guess I don't know for certain.
Thanks for all of the brave admissions, ladies.
Hugs, Devlyn
Yes. I was raped. Thank you for starting this thread. Rape is common in American jails and prisons. For some reason, people think this is a big joke. It's not.
Rape is barbaric and criminal. The existence of rape in jails and prisons (where the state is expected to exercise total control) is an insult and a disgrace to our nation. It shows how far our country still has to go before we can really claim to have a just society.
We're a sexual minority in a world where a lot of people hate us. It's not infrequent that we run the risk of violent attack. Although we have internalized and share a lot of the attitudes that are prevalent in society generally, I think it's important that we all re-examine what we think we know and see if it serves our interests or not.
Advocating sexual violence or joking about it doesn't serve our interests.
Quote from: itsApril on May 04, 2018, 04:49:18 PM
Yes. I was raped. Thank you for starting this thread. Rape is common in American jails and prisons. For some reason, people think this is a big joke. It's not.
Rape is barbaric and criminal. The existence of rape in jails and prisons (where the state is expected to exercise total control) is an insult and a disgrace to our nation. It shows how far our country still has to go before we can really claim to have a just society.
I think I understand why you started this topic. I found it hard to take reading the following comments in another thread:
I was all the more uncomfortable because the two folks who posted these remarks are people I like and whose posts I usually enjoy reading.
We're a sexual minority in a world where a lot of people hate us. It's not infrequent that we run the risk of violent attack. Although we have internalized and share a lot of the attitudes that are prevalent in society generally, I think it's important that we all re-examine what we think we know and see if it serves our interests or not.
Advocating sexual violence or joking about it doesn't serve our interests.
Big hug! April, I'm sorry you had this happen. I love your comment that "we re-examine what we think we know'
Hugs, Devlyn
Luckily no, I haven't. I am increasingly aware that it is a real possibility and was the prime mover behind me changing my birth certificate to female. I fear being arrested if I am traveling. It has also started to upset me when viewing a rape situation on TV like it never had before. My heart goes out to anyone who has had to deal with this.
Monica
Not raped but molested for several years from age 10 or 11 and I made sure it ended before it went too far. Had to alter my life and stuff my emotions. I only spoke of this in the last three months for the first time ever to anyone. I opened up to my counselor. In May of 2015 my dad passed and the children of my molester where at the funeral and it all came rushing back. I suspect this was the trigger for my starting my journey to transitioning.
Sexually assaulted, yes. Once by a predatory gay guy, and another by a woman
I've also been professionally orally violated whilst being held down by my mother.
As I can remember little about being little (most of my childhood is blank), I've no idea at all. If it's my mind protecting me, then whoever is doing the protection is doing a great job, I couldn't cope right now with that extra knowledge, on the other hand, a functional memory would be lovely. Hopefully I'd remember the time, or dates and birthdays....
I'm in therapy because of me too, and home invasion.
Rowan
#metoo
Not raped as such, but molested, in high school.
Someone attempted something once, I pulled a knife on them.
They ran away.
When I was in foster care at the age of 9 I was raped multiple times by my foster parents and their "friends" and their was many of the it would happen usually on friday nights I was threatened If I told anyone they would do this to my 2 year old sister and hurt her and I could not let that happen. I have a large scare from were I was burned by them.
I recently asked my sister - "do you think, if dad knew I was a girl, would he have raped me when I was 7?" She answered with am immediate "no, definitely not!"
Weird conversation. Hate to see how common this is.
I don't hardly remember my sister's friends raping me and her friend's brother when I was 9. Doesn't even seem like a big deal, comparatively.
Sent from my VS988 using Tapatalk
Moni, Donna, Rowan, Kathy, Kylo, Natalie, Tommi, thank you all for coming forward and sharing.
Hugs, Devlyn
Hi, yep someone tried to rape me when I was 19. I'm androgyne and dress as female but underneath the dress and the garter belt is a strong body. I didn't encourage this guy in any way but had to fight him off the hard way (for him). It bothers me that someone more delicate than me might have been abused by this guy. I hope I beat him up enough to make him think twice about trying it again, the jerk ruined some of my best clothes but he got a least a broken nose for it. My advice is be aware of what's around you and if something doesn't feel right follow your intuition and get out. Saying that I've rarely had any trouble, I mostly go to TG friendly clubs/bars though. Justine x
Thanks Devlyn for this post. Sharing is a step
To healing and I've healed a lot. I've regain emotions and feelings and care and compassion. I see the good in my life now and wish others the same. I carried my burden for 50+ years and I'm happy to be loose of it.
I wanted to cry reading this thread. For so many reasons.
Very gratefully not raped. My Jr. Hi. Counselor molested me at school. I still find in ironic that my parents were concerned about the single male history teacher that I spent a lot of time playing tennis with but never were concerned about the counselor. I vaguely remember jokes about the counselor that I didn't understand.
I have been pushy with dates in the past and I definitely am not proud of all that I have done. I think that maybe that is the reason that much of my professional life has been spent working with abused and mistreated people.
I want to reinforce what others have said. You did not ask these awful acts to happen. You did not deserve what happened. My love goes to all and if anybody wants to feel free to pm me. Finally, each of you has taken power back to yourself. Congratulations.
I was too. At first I thought he was a friend who just like to hang out me. (At that time I was in a very vulnerable position to being with) He turned out to be a predator. The first night he sexually abused me, he tried to kill and then threatened to kill me and my family if I ever told anybody and I had no reason to doubt him. He ended up moving in me due to the threats he made to me about my family. (The threats to my family were the worse parts of the threats)
I would be under this mans verbal mental emotional and sexual abuse for about 3 years or so.
I blocked out alot of it but the part I remebered that I never wanted to talk about it was on 4 different occasions he would bring one of his friends over and they would both use me. I learned to fear those who were LGBT because of it and they were the only examples of it that I had seen up close and it wasn't good. And being that they were the only so called role models and I had reached the point of being able to deal with my own trans issues and doing the research online and came across Susan's Place I knew I needed help but I was afraid of what to expect but I knew logically that most were not like that but I needed to actaully talk to others who weren't like that to put the fears to rest.
Idealistically one would think that once you got up the courage to speak up, that at least some one would believe you and throw you a rope. The reality is it doesn't always work that way. I did try to find ways out this and get someone in an authority role to believe me and tried to get help for it. Towards the very end I got so desperate that during one of the young adult and college age groups I brought it up during the prayer time of a group of about 35-40 of us. Before that night some of us would get together after the meetings and get coffee and pie. After that meeting not one person ever talked to me again, not even the pastors. In one fell swoop I saw an entire group walk away from me.
I know there are others in here that have gone through much worse then I have,for those seeing reading this if you see your self in these know that you are not alone,others have been where you are at and do understand what you have and are going through. The hard part is learning to trust again,but if those wounds aren't opened to allow them to drain and heal all they will do is fester and all you will end up doing is go through the motions of living and not really living.
Quote from: 4A-GZE on May 04, 2018, 04:33:01 PM
Sometimes I wonder if it's happened and I've just blocked it out of memory. I don't think so, but I guess I don't know for certain.
This thread comes at an interesting time. I have always gone on the thought that I have never been sexually assaulted. Now I have to wonder what may have happened that I am blocking out of my memory. This week my therapist, after listening to where I was going, asked seemingly out of the blue to me if I had been sexually abused as a child.
Cringe...
The most strongly transgender part of me is emphatically asexual; that could be taken as a reaction to severe sexual trauma at an early age. That part formed about age four after some sort of very strong emotional cataclysm -- and other parts became defined at the same time; all arrayed in an emotional defense phalanx. None of these parts are sexual, and the most prominent one has no gender. I honestly do not remember what it was that precipitated that. This was about the time of my first, negative, socialization outside of the home. I have taken that as not being allowed to play with girl toys. Maybe it was worse...
Part of me is trying to protect the broken little parts. She is not forthcoming about what is buried. Her answer is "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" Umm... Maybe I can't.
My, does this topic give me food for thought.
I removed a post from this thread that crossed the line into Graphic descriptions of sexual activity. That is not permitted on this site.
Justine, Donna, Briah, Sarah, and Erin, thanks for stepping forward to share.
Susan, thanks for the cleanup.
Quote from: ErinWDK on June 14, 2018, 07:07:14 AM
...
The most strongly transgender part of me is emphatically asexual; that could be taken as a reaction to severe sexual trauma at an early age. That part formed about age four after some sort of very strong emotional cataclysm -- and other parts became defined at the same time; all arrayed in an emotional defense phalanx. None of these parts are sexual, and the most prominent one has no gender. I honestly do not remember what it was that precipitated that. This was about the time of my first, negative, socialization outside of the home. I have taken that as not being allowed to play with girl toys. Maybe it was worse...
Part of me is trying to protect the broken little parts. She is not forthcoming about what is buried. Her answer is "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" Umm... Maybe I can't.
My, does this topic give me food for thought.
For a long time I thought I was asexual, but after working through s good bit of stuff that I had spent decades trying to avoid, I found that I was more demisexual, and really needed the emotional connection, trust, and romance before I could have a sexual response.
I also have a very strong preference for femme persons, which I initially expressed as being 'lesbian'. I have since resolved this a bit, as I am attracted to people who have a feminine appearance or even patterns of thought and expression, without knowing what they (pardon me) might have in their pants. I think that breaking through gender expression taboos has also opened me to explore my other actual gender-linked characteristics without the overlay of cultural conditioning. I now would say, a bit jokingly, that I am "lesbian with a 30% chance of queer."
Much of my repression of sexuality and aversion to masculine persons may stem from incidents when growing up. I was molested at a fairly young age by two brothers in our neighborhood, both older than me, who behaved as friends to me. (I had very few friends growing up.) As I mentioned above, I was raped in the (all male) high school, a nasty locker room incident in which the persons assauting me suffered no penalty (jocks, needed for sports that weekend), and I was punished for fighting (resisting rape).
After much therapy and introspection I think I understand the long term impact of these events, but I still am very much averse to masculine persons. Oh, and high school class reunions... :P
VA raising hand. Raped by my cousin in 2nd grade, molested by my Mother, til junior high, psychologically abused by both parents with a violent childhood filled with death and fear leaving me with Dissociative Identity/Multiple Personality Disorder. My female alter, Flytrap also occasionally posts the forum. You can read more about how the trauma affected me in my post, "Childhood Trauma Survivor Misdiagnosed as Transsexual with Gender Dysphoria" at https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,176195.msg1548804.html#msg1548804
Attention Moderators:
There should be a poll attached to this thread for those who are not comfortable posting to get a better feel for forum members experiences with sexual abuse.
Quote from: Susan on June 14, 2018, 09:56:07 PM
I removed a post from this thread that crossed the line into Graphic descriptions of sexual activity. That is not permitted on this site.
Thank Susan, you are just the best.
Rapists really do get my goat. I am not really surprised to see so many stories about it here - most rapes occur between people who know each other or are at least acquainted, and one party sees the other as weak or outcast enough to exploit. I have no doubt people have tried their luck on me because I did not "fit in" and they assumed I was weak/alone because of it. Even worse the things people will do to a victim to try to "cover up" someone's rape-iness. I know all about that one. Wannabe rapists, whether they succeed or fail in their aims, will often do and say anything to try to save their own ass because they are terrified. Defend yourself as the victim and you will probably be the one who gets in trouble. It's all rather vile.
It doesn't just extend as far as rape - the exact same tactics are often practiced by creepers and perverts. The only way I have found to deal with it is to be hostile at the "right moments" to nip it in the bud. In the case of raped children though, there's nothing I can say. I know several people who suffered child abuse as children and it really messed them up. There's a reason people in jail for sex crimes over here are seen as the lowest of the low and nobody else will associate with them, or might one day just decide to carve them up. They are consummate cowards and the harm they do is undeniable.
I've been raped as well. At age 17 before I came out as trans, I met a guy online whom I wanted to be friends with. We chatted online and then talked on the phone for several months before we decided to meet in person. We met at a big train station in the city he lived in, and he suggested we'd go to his place. I remember I thought "if I go with him, he might rape me" before I said yes and went with him. So yeah, that's what he did, on Valentine's Day 2007. I did say no repeatedly and tried push him away and clarify I didn't want to, until I got to a point where I froze up and gave up. I broke contact with him a few days later when he sent me a text message. I don't think he fully understood he did something wrong. I never reported it. Technically he took my virginity.
I was also molested as a kid when I was 9, by two of my bullies (a boy and a girl) who were of my age, at a secluded area of the school yard. Somehow that led to me molesting another kid in turn a month or so later, which I've felt a lot of remorse over but I had no idea I did something wrong or even what I was doing at the time.
I didn't tell anyone about either of those two childhood events and that trauma led me to develope some form of dissociative identity disorder as well, meaning my mind split into two distinct personalities so I've been me and an alter ever since. That alter who's always been very abusive then also raped me when I was 22, in kind of a 'switch' as she took control over my body while I remained conscious.
I'm still struggling to process the stuff that happened in my childhood, but the other stuff I'm handling rather well nowadays. I've made peace with my alter and she's been supportive instead of abusive for the past year or so now. Although I'm pretty sure these experiences are a strong reason as to why I've become somewhat of a sex addict as an adult. Like I'm constantly trying to fill a void, both literally and figuratively, but it's never enough and I know I engage in unnecessarily risky behaviour again and again, with no regards to my health, whether physically or mentally.
I was aped in mexico by the friends of a friend. I have gone back to mexico several times since but have never gone back to see that friend again. It started with me doing shots, being young and stupid trying to out drink this guy with tequila, then we went to the bar and I was drugged.
I have removed a post that describes graphic sexual activity. That is not allowed on this site.
Please have consideration for the thread with the pain and trauma that abusers have caused.
Cindy
Forum Administrator
Uggggghhhh... tried not to do this thread but I have a new appreciation for the moth to a flame adage. Yes, at age 10 by an older cousin. And, who knows just how often when I was 15-17 yr old as my best friends step-dad was a paedophile principal that liked to supply lots of alcohol. So my memory is a bit blurry even though the basic outline is there.
This question riles me up because I know too many people that say it is the trauma that makes us 'confused.' My gender was an issue well before the abuse and I know that it is not implied here. It just leads me there for some reason. Evidently, I have been dealing with too many anti trans groups messaging lately through my work where there has been a lot of opposition to a sexual orientation and gender identity component in our education system.
Thank you very much Cindy.
Trama did not make me confused. I had an idea what I truly wanted. The abuse made me shut down emotionally and question if my internal desire to be fem is what attracted the abuse. This shut down made me move forward in life hating to admit my true feelings, burying it and doing everything I could to make me as male as male can be. Those desires have tried to push thru over the years and I squashed them any way I could. As far as I'm concerned without the abuse I would have admitted who I was.
I consider anything anti trans as annoying small minded talk and tend to ignor it. If I need I will chime in.
We have to live to be who we are
Quote from: grrl1nside on June 23, 2018, 09:25:28 PM
...Uggggghhhh... tried not to do this thread but I have a new appreciation for the moth to a flame adage...
I understand, when a new reply pops up, I'm not always in a good place to come read it. The thread is, as others have said, a difficult read.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn on June 24, 2018, 05:00:21 PM
I understand, when a new reply pops up, I'm not always in a good place to come read it. The thread is, as others have said, a difficult read.
Hugs, Devlyn
The stories are hard to read but I think what is harder still is realizing that there are far too many of us that gone through this. (Even 1 is 1 too many)
Drugged out cold , and messed with can't remember a thing
Quote from: Devlyn on June 24, 2018, 05:00:21 PM
I understand, when a new reply pops up, I'm not always in a good place to come read it. The thread is, as others have said, a difficult read.
Hugs, Devlyn
It is very hard to read but I have to thank you for starting it. It was even harder to talk about it but that was another step to healing. It has shown me that it wasn't me that caused it to happen in the first place. My true self didn't attract this unwanted event.
Yes molested and attempted molestation as a very young boy, never raped. As a young man in the military, attempted molestation/rape.
My heart goes out to everyone that had to go through this violation of trust, from colleagues, family and friends, through this difficult time of our lives :(
The person I considered my best friend growing up.I was in third grade when it started and really did not figured it out until high-school.I would say sexual abuse and being taken advantage of.He was the only one in my early life who I told about being transgender.I have always assumed he was a abused also but he hide the pain and took it out on others.Thanks for listening.
Just noticed this thread...... A sad read :'(
My heart goes out to all you guys.......!!!
Me: Not exactly raped but sexually assaulted by 3 boys my age at 7 in a school corridor. Then a close male family member who was like a dad to me tried to sexually abuse me at 10.... but eventually I was strong enough to say no and it didn't lead anywhere..... But knowing that the one adult I trusted 100% wanted to actually sexually abuse me traumatized me pretty bad..... I got the vibes that he sexualized me overall as well.
Those incidents had no effect on me feeling masc and like a boy.... bcos I felt that already when I was like 1. And hangups about societal expectations on being a girl. BUT they probably did affect my self-image and me feeling my body is trash, along with perpetual bullying and mental abuse since the age of 3........
Now I'm in the process of contemplating whether that sexual abuse had a bigger effect on me and my gender than I ever even realized before... At least it seems most of my body dysphoria was actually trauma-related.
Not me. I feel sad for those of you that have been. My heart breaks for you and what you endured.
Hugs,
Chrissy
It's been awhile since this thread came up, so I reread it all. It's painful but I think people are able to take strength from it. My thanks again to all who have shared their experiences and support here.
Hugs, Devlyn
Well I did not know where or if I should post this but I figured since I posted in this thread and this has to do with the situation I will post it here. I found out a few weeks ago that one of the guys that sexually assaulted me was found and arrested. The police came to my door asking me if I am still willing to testify, I broke down crying I just want to forget that part of my life. I found out he sexually assaulted many others and there was a group of arrests. I don't want him to get away with it again he was free for 24 years and continued to hurt kids which sucks that the police could not find him. I am sorry that more people got hurt. I don't know if I should testify and re read my victim impact statement in front of a whole courtroom I was humiliated when it happened and it is bringing everything back now. I don't want him to get away again but I don't know if I can mentally handle this it is so hard way to many emotions are going through my head. I just want to live my new life and forget about the past I just don't know what to do
Regrettably, I add my name to the list.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on December 01, 2018, 04:01:12 PM
. . . I found out a few weeks ago that one of the guys that sexually assaulted me was found and arrested. The police came to my door asking me if I am still willing to testify, I broke down crying I just want to forget that part of my life. I found out he sexually assaulted many others and there was a group of arrests. I don't want him to get away with it again he was free for 24 years and continued to hurt kids which sucks that the police could not find him. I am sorry that more people got hurt. I don't know if I should testify and re read my victim impact statement in front of a whole courtroom I was humiliated when it happened and it is bringing everything back now. . . .
Yes. PLEASE testify against him and do whatever you can to put him down for good.
I am horrified and sad to read what many of you had to go through! I cannot even imagine what this experience must have been for you. I feel so sorry for you!
I lived a very sheltered and happy life. I don't think I was ever molested or raped. My dad and my 4 older, very strong cousins would have broke every bone of anybody who would have assaulted my sister and I!
Natalie, I am so sorry that you are faced with this dilemma. I would strongly urge you to testify, but of course I understand if you are not able to do so.
Thank you @KathyLauren @Dietlind @itsApril for your support I really do want to testify I am hoping I have the mental capability to do so because at this moment I just don't seem to have it. I also just don't to have to relive it all I still have burn marks on my right arm from where they burned me and ya. It is like I am reliving every moment again
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on December 01, 2018, 09:49:31 PM
Thank you @KathyLauren @Dietlind @itsApril for your support I really do want to testify I am hoping I have the mental capability to do so because at this moment I just don't seem to have it. I also just don't to have to relive it all I still have burn marks on my right arm from where they burned me and ya. It is like I am reliving every moment again
But think about, once he/they are locked away, it is finally over! He/they cannot ham any other human being anymore, and you can get closure for good!
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on December 01, 2018, 04:01:12 PM
Well I did not know where or if I should post this but I figured since I posted in this thread and this has to do with the situation I will post it here. I found out a few weeks ago that one of the guys that sexually assaulted me was found and arrested. The police came to my door asking me if I am still willing to testify, I broke down crying I just want to forget that part of my life. I found out he sexually assaulted many others and there was a group of arrests. I don't want him to get away with it again he was free for 24 years and continued to hurt kids which sucks that the police could not find him. I am sorry that more people got hurt. I don't know if I should testify and re read my victim impact statement in front of a whole courtroom I was humiliated when it happened and it is bringing everything back now. I don't want him to get away again but I don't know if I can mentally handle this it is so hard way to many emotions are going through my head. I just want to live my new life and forget about the past I just don't know what to do
Big hug! I'm wishing you strength however you respond to this. Reliving and remembering the violence inflicted on us is hell. Please keep us updated.
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: GingerVicki on December 01, 2018, 05:01:09 PM
Regrettably, I add my name to the list.
I'm so sorry, honey. I hope you can find some relief by sharing this here with us. Getting it out is so important to moving on.
Hugs, Devlyn
It always tears my heart out when this topic shows up on the recent posts list. Thank you to everyone who has shared or offered support here.
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on December 01, 2018, 09:49:31 PM
Thank you @KathyLauren @Dietlind @itsApril for your support I really do want to testify I am hoping I have the mental capability to do so because at this moment I just don't seem to have it. I also just don't to have to relive it all I still have burn marks on my right arm from where they burned me and ya. It is like I am reliving every moment again
[emoji173]
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
It's not an easy thing speaking out about sexual violence or coercion. I would not blame anyone for wanting to move on with their life, given how victims of genuine abuse get treated after they talk about it. I've seen it and I've almost been through it as well I guess and the response was less than stellar from everyone from the employer at the location to my own family's attitude towards calling the police (i.e "don't bother, you've no decent evidence"). Going forward as a witness in a criminal investigation can be grueling, and rather than support there can be hostility. Do what is best for your own safety and sanity, first and foremost, I would say.
My heart aches for everyone on this list. I know someone who was raped. It sucks and shouldn't happen.
Lisa
I see some of our newer members sharing their bad experiences and possibly suppressed memories, so I thought I'd bump this thread. Whether you choose to share or not, I hope this topic can help you move forward towards peace.
Hugs, Devlyn