The movie (Greatest Showman) was so so, but this song is striking a chord with me so I thought I would use it to start my own thread.
This Is Me lyrics [emoji767] Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are
But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)
I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me
and I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I'm gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
Oh
This is me
Songwriters: Justin Paul / Benj Pasek
https://youtu.be/tgXCCWv-w3w
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Quote from: TonyaW on January 31, 2018, 08:09:18 AM
The movie (Greatest Showman) was so so, but this song is striking a chord with me so I thought I would use it to start my own thread.
This Is Me lyrics [emoji767] Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are
But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)
I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
This is me
and I know that I deserve your love
(Oh-oh-oh-oh) 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of
(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I'm gonna send a flood
Gonna drown them out
Oh
This is me
Songwriters: Justin Paul / Benj Pasek
https://youtu.be/tgXCCWv-w3w
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You told me no song stood out
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Quote from: Mary1 on January 31, 2018, 11:12:25 AM
You told me no song stood out
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Not as an Oscar nominee. It's a pretty standard pop anthem with cliche lyrics, but it's fitting for me. So yes, I like it.
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A great day today.
No work, had the day off.
Got a compliment on my hair at the bank.
Filed my Petition For Name Change at the clerk of courts. [emoji847]
Spent the afternoon with my wife and her sister. Some girl talk about nails and eyebrows etc. Correct gendering by my wife, which was awesome since we've been having a bit of a rough patch lately.
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Had my one year doctor appointment.
Blood levels from the last year.
Pre-hrt 02/17/17
Test 437
Est 19
05/10/17
Test 156
Est 61
08/10/17
Test 32
Est 73
02/13/18
Test 3.
Est. 162
Reference values.
ESTRADIOL LEVELS
SEX pg/ml
Women (> 18 years old)
Follicular Phase 30-120
Ovulatory Peak 130-370
Luteal Phase 70-250
Post-Menopausal 15-60
Male 15-60
TOTAL TESTOSTERONE LEVELS
SEX ng/dl ng/ml
Females 6 - 86 0.1 - 1.2
Males 270 - 1100 2.4 - 12
Conversion factor: 1 ng/ml = 3.47 nmol/l
So the numbers are all good.
Adding progesterone to the meds.
Yay Tonya
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Tried out my friend's golf simulator for the first time today. He put my name in as Tonya and picked a female avatar for me but then calls me by my male name half the time the rest of the day. Not upset, I haven't seen him in a while. He's trying and still invites me to play golf so gets a pass on that yet.
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Did he ask for a Mulligan after any of those former name uses? :)
Chrissy
Quote from: TonyaW on February 14, 2018, 08:10:46 AM
Had my one year doctor appointment.
Blood levels from the last year.
Pre-hrt 02/17/17
Test 437
Est 19
05/10/17
Test 156
Est 61
08/10/17
Test 32
Est 73
02/13/18
Test 3.
Est. 162
Reference values.
ESTRADIOL LEVELS
SEX pg/ml
Women (> 18 years old)
Follicular Phase 30-120
Ovulatory Peak 130-370
Luteal Phase 70-250
Post-Menopausal 15-60
Male 15-60
TOTAL TESTOSTERONE LEVELS
SEX ng/dl ng/ml
Females 6 - 86 0.1 - 1.2
Males 270 - 1100 2.4 - 12
Conversion factor: 1 ng/ml = 3.47 nmol/l
So the numbers are all good.
Adding progesterone to the meds.
Yay Tonya
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What does they mean?
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So this is happening...
License came in the mail on the Monday after the Thursday DMV visit. The picture is still awful but it's got my name and an F on it.
New debit card came from the bank later in the week.
Social security card came about a,week after that.
Changed my name in the HR website at work and all the benefits etc are starting to come up as Tonya. A request has been sent to IT to change the email and the programs that I use all day (and what everyone else sees). Thinking it won't as IT usually doesn't move that quickly, but hoping that will be done when I log in Monday after a 3 day weekend.
Last week voted for the first time as Tonya.
Basically had to re-register, but can do that at polls here. No issues with that, no misgendering by the poll workers.
Birth certificate came in the mail also. Wisconsin won't change gender there unless GCS.
Need to do the passport yet, but not going anywhere soon so no need to hurry there. Get a decent picture for that hopefully.
So now I start changing my name with all the people that I owe money to.
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Not much of a thread of my own if I don't even post to it so I'll add something.
Was thinking it's been about a year since I came out to most of my family so I went and looked up a few things like that that I might want to know at some point.
So my unofficial time line:
First therapy appointment 9-1-16
Pierced ears 9-6-16
First conversation with wife about the possibility of transition 9-10-16
Start HRT. 02-23-2017
Out to family (Mom, brother, sisters) 06-21-2017
Out to Dad, when he read letter which was mailed 2 weeks earlier. 08-11-2017
Out at work. I left a note and "colleagues guide to transitioning" packet on bosses desk. 08-05-2017
Out to a few select friends. This could probably be considered my "full time" date also. 08-18-17
Name Change. Total cost $313.82. 3-21-18.
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@TonyaW Thank you for posting your transition timeline and your other posts here on your thread detailing significant happenings in your transition journey... it certainly is important to make plans and set goals for yourself.... and to keep track of your progress... obviously all of that is subject to change as you continue in your journey.
I did notice that your last 3 posts are spaced at about 2 months apart.... since I really like to follow others threads and progress... I kinda hope that you consider updating your thread just a little more often... but of course only if you feel comfortable doing that.
Thank you again for bringing your thread up to date. I will be checking in frequently or as you post more.
Hugs and well wishes to you in your journey.
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 26, 2018, 01:04:40 PM
@TonyaW
I did notice that your last 3 posts are spaced at about 2 months apart.... since I really like to follow others threads and progress... I kinda hope that you consider updating your thread just a little more often... but of course only if you feel comfortable doing that.
Hugs and well wishes to you in your journey.
Danielle
Combination of two things mainly. A generally ordinary, no real problems transition (a good thing) and the few things that have come up (name change, issues with the medroxyprogesterone, and a not welcome birthday card from my dad) I have posted about elsewhere when they happened.
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So in the spirit of trying to post to my own timeline/journey thread, here's something from yesterday.
Was out for dinner and the hostess wished me a "Happy Pride Month". It was genuine gesture and no one else heard but a small part of me is thanks for the reminder that I don't pass. Not too much though. I haven't really tried to do too much about my voice yet and I did speak to her when we arrived. If there was any doubt based on my looks, that would give it away.
Sure I'd love to pass, but at my age and stage of transition, I'm mostly happy with being treated as a woman and gendered properly.
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Had to take a box out to the recycling and tried to carry it flat against my chest and I couldn't.
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Quote from: TonyaW on July 07, 2018, 04:16:13 PM
Had to take a box out to the recycling and tried to carry it flat against my chest and I couldn't.
Ha ha. I know that feeling. :D At home, I never wear a bra - it's just more comfortable without. Except if I'm doing some physical work like digging in the garden. It's just so easy to bonk the girls without thinking! The little bit of padding helps.
Quote from: KathyLauren on July 07, 2018, 10:21:20 PM
Ha ha. I know that feeling. :D At home, I never wear a bra - it's just more comfortable without. Except if I'm doing some physical work like digging in the garden. It's just so easy to bonk the girls without thinking! The little bit of padding helps.
Oh it didn't hurt. I've had very little pain or tenderness while the flowers have been blooming. They itch like all hell sometimes though.
My point was that there is no such thing as flat against my chest any longer. [emoji4]
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I probably ought to start seriously working on my voice.
Constantly misgendered on the phone. I know there's no way they'd know so I can't get mad at them but it is a reminder.
A small part of me enjoys it though when they say things like "YOUR name is Tonya?"
or they ask me to spell it to be sure they heard it correctly. Make them figure it out.
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Same here , Davina? . Have a bass voice as well .
Well I don't sound like Darth Vader but definitely a male voice if I'm not trying, which I don't very often because I'm not very good at it. Though I did get ma'am ed at the Taco Bell drive through on the way to the Brewers game yesterday. Which would mean I look to be female from far away through 2 windows.
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So I send of my passport for name change.
It was the last thing I could think if that needed fixing on the name front. Of course I get two things in the mail that day addressed to old name. One about my daughter's car loan that I co signed on, so yeah I forgot about that one. The other from a walk in clinic I had went to that I've only ever been to as Tonya and gave them my insurance card which says Tonya. It's part of the network my regular doctor belongs to and they apparently did not update my name when I gave all the papers to my doctors office. Didn't do labs at my last doctor's appointment or I may have known that sooner. Does it ever end?
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Tonya,
"Does it ever end?" I am beginning to have my doubts about that as well. Our old names have spread themselves perniciously throughout society. Can they ever truly be eradicated?
Stevi
Quote from: Stevi on July 13, 2018, 07:24:18 PM
Tonya,
"Does it ever end?" I am beginning to have my doubts about that as well. Our old names have spread themselves perniciously throughout society. Can they ever truly be eradicated?
Stevi
Not transitioning until my 50s, I know I'm not going to be able to erase all traces of my male name and life, nor do I totally want to. But going forward, it would be nice if I could get everything Tonya-fied. Just seems like every time I think I have all the name changes in place something else pops up. Two weeks ago it was an small retirement account I have left from a former job.
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Tonya,
Reminders for me too. Yesterday, the tax bills came in the mail. Both in the old name. One, of course, is the house and I can just go pay it. Deal with name at the time. The other is the personal property taxes on a documented vessel. 42 foot sailboat. That is a two part answer. Need to change the tax records and the US Coast Guard documentation at the time of renewal. I'll get a reminder come next spring. Double whammy on that one.
Stevi
Hey Stevi
I figured out another one that's coming up, my annual membership to the Zoo. Gives me the feeling that it might be awhile before everything I want changed gets done.
We sold our house before I had changed the name on it so I had to sign everything there "Tonya, formerly known as T..."
I also found out from another thread that I probably screwed up my passport change. I have everything right for the name change but used the wrong form if I want my gender changed also.
I'll take care of the walk in clinic today, I have an appointment in the same building. Having some spider veins fixed. One of them is essentially not covered by any skin and will bleed quite profusely when nicked with a razor, which I have now done twice. Second one was what sent me to the clinic.
I'll be rocking the support hose for the next few days. Not a good thing in heat of July, but better than bleeding to death or hairy legs.
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In the car after a color and style. Just a root touch up for the color. Liked the curls enough so went out and bought me a curling iron.
Now to learn how to use it with out burning myself. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180719/472bd036c6039186e1d2dfc8b4a5a705.jpg)
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Quote from: TonyaW on July 19, 2018, 02:50:01 PM
In the car after a color and style. Just a root touch up for the color. Liked the curls enough so went out and bought me a curling iron.
Now to learn how to use it with out burning myself. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180719/472bd036c6039186e1d2dfc8b4a5a705.jpg)
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya: Wow-whee, I love your red hair and of course the curls.... I also love the length, nicely done.... oh yeah, burning yourself with a curling iron is not something that you want to do often.
My hair is straight, so I have to work with it to give it body, when it was much longer last winter, below shoulder length I had a lot of fun getting the ends curled... so many neat hair styles are available.
This spring I cut it down to my present length shown in my Avatar ... which in the summer time works better for me because of all of my outdoor activities, running, jogging, hiking, etc.
Thanks for treating your readers and followers to you posts and you latest photo.... you do look wonderful !!!
Hugs, and wishing you well...
Danielle
Random ramblings
There has to be a better way to say it than I "used to be a man" or "when I was a man". Because I wasn't. I am, and always have been, a transgender female so I avoid saying that. Everything else is just kind of awkward. I used to present as a male? I used to live as a man? Under the influence of testosterone? How do you correct someone that says that to you?
Avoided the support hose with the spider vein fix. All I needed was an ace wrap. Looks bruised a bit and in theory won't squirt blood it I cut it shaving again. I don't intend to find out. Had to limit my activity the last few days because of the procedure and now that I don't it's raining so I can't play golf. Guess I should go to the gym.
State Department cashed my check for my passport name change, so now I guess I wait for the letter telling me I screwed up the gender change part.
I've noticed that my dysphoria has changed from why am I not a girl to more of a missing out on things. Being 6-2 and 235 pounds I still can get dysphoric when clothes shopping and cannot find things that fit. Those episodes usually pass pretty quickly though. The ones that get to me more are when sometimes I'll see a group of girls at the mall being silly or hanging out or a mom and daughter shopping together and all I can think is "I never got to do that".
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Yes, describing our past accurately is awkward. The situation hasn't come up where I've had to do it, but I have certainly thought about it.
I really don't want to say "I used to be a man", because I wasn't. Alternatives I have considered: "Everyone thought I was a man (but they were wrong)" or "I was trying to be a man". One of these days, I am going to have to explain to a forum of air force retirees how come I, Kathy, was flying jets 5 years before the first female pilot graduated. I plan to tell them that no one knew I was a woman back then.
I get the dysphoria over mother/daughter interactions. However, there's no reason you can't hang out or be silly! ;D
I went to my wife's therapist yesterday and her office is full of little sayings and motivation quips. I tend to ignore them but one did make me stop.
QuoteWhen she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been.
But she had wings.
Dean Jackson
Quote from: NC_Rose on July 20, 2018, 11:34:30 AM
When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been.
But she had wings.
Wow, that made me cry!
I can finally be me(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180720/98a1509fef5fc917abe3992846010326.jpg)
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Quote from: TonyaW on July 20, 2018, 02:20:09 PM
I can finally be me(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180720/98a1509fef5fc917abe3992846010326.jpg)
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So the person I married or thought I did marry never really existed.
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Quote from: Mary1 on July 20, 2018, 11:15:16 PM
So the person I married or thought I did marry never really existed.
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Not sure how you get that from a joke about finally running across a diet Coke bottle with my name on it and spelled correctly.
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Quote from: KathyLauren on July 20, 2018, 07:58:06 AM
Yes, describing our past accurately is awkward. The situation hasn't come up where I've had to do it, but I have certainly thought about it.
I really don't want to say "I used to be a man", because I wasn't. Alternatives I have considered: "Everyone thought I was a man (but they were wrong)" or "I was trying to be a man". One of these days, I am going to have to explain to a forum of air force retirees how come I, Kathy, was flying jets 5 years before the first female pilot graduated. I plan to tell them that no one knew I was a woman back then.
I get the dysphoria over mother/daughter interactions. However, there's no reason you can't hang out or be silly! ;D
Thanks for the thoughts. It hasn't really come up anywhere for me yet either, except with my wife. From her response to my soda bottle post, I'm not doing a very good job of that even with as many words as I need.
I guess I'm trying to explain what it means to be trans in 5 words or less.
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Quote from: KathyLauren on July 20, 2018, 11:47:04 AM
Wow, that made me cry!
Me too :-) It was so relevant, it stopped me in my tracks.
Seems there has been some talk at the golf course. I usually play very early in the morning on weekdays and at that time there is usually just the one guy that works the counter, though there has two other guys working there enough that I recognize them and they would me also.
I have a weekday only membership which I paid for last fall using the name TJ as my legal name change had not happened yet.
So instead of paying I sign a log, which I sign as Tonya W. I have also only told one person that I see there regularly that my name is Tonya.
So Sunday I go later in the day to practice some after work and the kid behind the counter says "hi Tonya". I might have seen him there one other Sunday when I played after work. I would have paid then as my weekday membership does not work on Sundays so he would not have seen my name on the signature log then.
I've not had any issues there so far and have not heard anything negative at all.
Its always nice to be called by my name and the kid was very nice but later I just had the thought of how would he know my name?
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Successfully operated my curling iron. By that I mean no visible burns and maybe some curl.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180725/33dc2163266db37a9e3b1db339002076.jpg)
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Quote from: TonyaW on July 25, 2018, 08:46:14 AM
Successfully operated my curling iron. By that I mean no visible burns and maybe some curl.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180725/33dc2163266db37a9e3b1db339002076.jpg)
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@TonyaW Oh yeah... "maybe" some curl.... I found that if I dampen my hair slightly (not wet) that the curling iron will do a better job.... consider it "steam curling" ....
Good news on not burning yourself, I recall on one of your previous posts last week that you had mentioned possibility.
Thanks for keeping all of us updated.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 25, 2018, 09:43:10 AM
@TonyaW
Oh yeah... "maybe" some curl.... I found that if I dampen my hair slightly (not wet) that the curling iron will do a better job.... consider it "steam curling" ....
Good news on not burning yourself, I recall on one of your previous posts last week that you had mentioned possibility.
Thanks for keeping all of us updated.
Hugs,
Danielle
I said "visible burns", which at the time was correct. It didn't really show until a day later and is mostly hidden by the curls but I got my forehead pretty good, like a real bad sunburn. Of course I liked that one so much I had to go an put a matching burn on the other side the next day.
I did also notice that the curls took better when my hair wasn't totally dry after a shower.
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Suddenly I See
KT Tunstall
[Verse 1]
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm
[Chorus]
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me?
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me?
[Verse 2]
I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word
[Chorus]
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me?
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me?
[Bridge]
And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from the page of a magazine
She makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower, yeah
The power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah (suddenly I see)
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah (suddenly I see)
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah, yeah (suddenly I see)
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah (suddenly I see)
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah
[Outro]
Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me?
Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah? (suddenly I see)
Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me? (suddenly I see)
Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me?
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@TonyaW Great lyrics... tells a wonderful story that makes us think 🤔
I really like verse 2
Thanks for sharing this.
Hugs
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 31, 2018, 12:56:19 PM
@TonyaW
Great lyrics... tells a wonderful story that makes us think [emoji848]
I really like verse 2
Thanks for sharing this.
Hugs
Danielle
I took it that she's singing about herself, which can easily relate to transition.
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Re-sent the passport application, used the right form. Last at the post office very helpful in double and triple checking that everything that asked for in my "you screwed up" letter was fixed and included.
Two days later in the mail comes a little packet from the State Department. Way to fast so wondering what else was screwed up. It was just the hard copy of the email letter and correct form that I had printed out to use and had just sent in. Only thing different was they had included a return envelope, which didnt really matter because the post office lady got me one of theirs for sending it certified.
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Quote from: TonyaW on August 06, 2018, 07:16:09 AM
Re-sent the passport application, used the right form. Last at the post office very helpful in double and triple checking that everything that asked for in my "you screwed up" letter was fixed and included.
Two days later in the mail comes a little packet from the State Department. Way to fast so wondering what else was screwed up. It was just the hard copy of the email letter and correct form that I had printed out to use and had just sent in. Only thing different was they had included a return envelope, which didnt really matter because the post office lady got me one of theirs for sending it certified.
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya...Well, this is good news I think, but it will really be good news when you finally get your passport.... last time I renewed my passport to change my name and gender it took less than 2 weeks, but I have heard that others have had to wait much longer especially if it involved a name and gender change..... Is this a
new passport for you or just a name change or renewal?
That was very nice that the Post Office lady double checked everything for you.... government agencies definitely want all the "t's" crossed and "i's" dotted.
Wishing you well and hope you get your passport soon.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 06, 2018, 11:12:38 AM
@TonyaW
Dear Tonya...
Well, this is good news I think, but it will really be good news when you finally get your passport.... last time I renewed my passport to change my name and gender it took less than 2 weeks, but I have heard that others have had to wait much longer especially if it involved a name and gender change..... Is this a new passport for you or just a name change or renewal?
That was very nice that the Post Office lady double checked everything for you.... government agencies definitely want all the "t's" crossed and "i's" dotted.
Wishing you well and hope you get your passport soon.
Hugs,
Danielle
Renewal for name change. Should have known there would be more to the gender change than just changing it on the form. I ran across the passport thread about 2 days after I mailed it off the first time. No travel plans so not in a hurry. Passport is the last major name change item on my list.
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So it was one year ago today that my manager told everyone at work about me.
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All the things I've failed at.
Husband
Grandpa
Father
Brother
Son
Life.
Womanhood whatever that is.
Might be some hope there but fighting 40 plus years of my Fat Ugly Man Body poisoning me with testosterone.
Can you tell I had a rough night? So far not better in the morning. Which means I see that F.U.M.B. in the mirror, which makes me feel like crap which me write out stuff like this which hopefully will make me feel better but so far isn't and round and round it goes.
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If anyone's paying attention, I'm better now.
Passport came in the mail all nice and corrected, so that helped lift me out of it.
Details about that in a different thread. I'd link to it but too lazy to learn how at the moment.
Couple of pictures. Getting better with the curling iron, no more burns and old ones are healed.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/2afba80427b999648cb8954e14a6a59c.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/0bec738cd4d98fb187ef773de5704e1d.jpg)
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Quote from: TonyaW on August 13, 2018, 10:13:07 AM
All the things I've failed at.
Husband
Grandpa
Father
Brother
Son
Life.
Womanhood whatever that is.
Might be some hope there but fighting 40 plus years of my Fat Ugly Man Body poisoning me with testosterone.
Can you tell I had a rough night? So far not better in the morning. Which means I see that F.U.M.B. in the mirror, which makes me feel like crap which me write out stuff like this which hopefully will make me feel better but so far isn't and round and round it goes.
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya:
Oh yeah, I guess that you did indeed have a rough night.
I am thinking that you might want to visit my "
Positive Mindset... put away negativity" (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238255.0.html) thread.
I trust that things will look up for you after a good night's sleep.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: TonyaW on August 14, 2018, 12:41:39 PM
If anyone's paying attention, I'm better now.
Passport came in the mail all nice and corrected, so that helped lift me out of it.
Details about that in a different thread. I'd link to it but too lazy to learn how at the moment.
Couple of pictures. Getting better with the curling iron, no more burns and old ones are healed.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/2afba80427b999648cb8954e14a6a59c.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/0bec738cd4d98fb187ef773de5704e1d.jpg)
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya: I am indeed paying attention and your latest post is much better that the previous.... I am glad that you have gotten out of your funk.... Oh goodie, your passport finally came, all in correct form.
Ahhh, yes, the curling iron can be a very nice tool for hair but it also can be a torture devise that when using it if one is not careful it can burn. I recall your previous posting describing that.
Again, I am so glad that things are all better in your world now......
.....and you were even smiling in your second picture. :) ;)
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Yay for the new passport, and yay for feeling better! Your pictures look great, especially the smiling one.
Quote from: TonyaW on August 14, 2018, 12:41:39 PM
If anyone's paying attention, I'm better now.
Passport came in the mail all nice and corrected, so that helped lift me out of it.
Details about that in a different thread. I'd link to it but too lazy to learn how at the moment.
Couple of pictures. Getting better with the curling iron, no more burns and old ones are healed.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/2afba80427b999648cb8954e14a6a59c.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180814/0bec738cd4d98fb187ef773de5704e1d.jpg)
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Took pictures after voting..huh?
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Quote from: TonyaW on August 13, 2018, 10:13:07 AM
All the things I've failed at.
Husband
Grandpa
Father
Brother
Son
Life.
Womanhood whatever that is.
Might be some hope there but fighting 40 plus years of my Fat Ugly Man Body poisoning me with testosterone.
Can you tell I had a rough night? So far not better in the morning. Which means I see that F.U.M.B. in the mirror, which makes me feel like crap which me write out stuff like this which hopefully will make me feel better but so far isn't and round and round it goes.
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Didn't know you did...
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Tonya,
What is this FUMB business? You should know that HRT takes time to show results. A year and a half is not enough time yet.
Give your self another year or two and then take another look. Be patient, you will get there pretty soon.
For myself, I did not get properly gendered until I had FFS and at least 3 full years of HRT. And don't forget the diet and exercise. D&E and HRT does wonderous things and if it is not enough, then FFS may be in your future.
Take heart. You will get there.
Quote from: Dani on August 15, 2018, 01:29:43 AM
Tonya,
What is this FUMB business? You should know that HRT takes time to show results. A year and a half is not enough time yet.
Give your self another year or two and then take another look. Be patient, you will get there pretty soon.
For myself, I did not get properly gendered until I had FFS and at least 3 full years of HRT. And don't forget the diet and exercise. D&E and HRT does wonderous things and if it is not enough, then FFS may be in your future.
Take heart. You will get there.
Hi Dani, thanks for the encouragement.
I'm pretty sure I'm not passing but I don't get misgendered too often anymore (except on the phone).
The FUMB is what I see in the mirror when my head is in a bad place. Part of that is probably impatience with the pace of HRT.
It's been about 18 months and when my head is clear I can see the progress and I'm ok with things. When I'm happy and can smile I can see the girl in the mirror.
Weight loss is a little more frustrating because I'm not having success on my own this time. 12 years ago I weighed around 280 (there's a pic in the before/after thread) and in a year got that to 230 just by eating a little less and getting regular exercise. I had let my weight creep back up to around 260 about two years ago (just before I started to figure out this trans business) and got that back to 230 in just a few months. I've started working with a program through my insurance, but it's still early in that.
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Quote from: KathyLauren on August 14, 2018, 03:07:29 PM
Yay for the new passport, and yay for feeling better! Your pictures look great, especially the smiling one.
Thanks. Of course a smile is always nicer, but I like the un-smiling picture since it's the first one where I thought that I looked decent without a smile.
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Some random thoughts since nothing new going on for me.
How is that eyeliner doesn't stay on and yet is impossible to remove completely?
Fitbit's should give extra credit for steps taken while wearing heels.
Hardly anyone seems to spell my name right. I didn't know T-o-n-y-a was not a popular spelling.
Oh I guess there is something new, this skirt. Hard to tell from the picture but its purple. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180901/38167a0bb8fd4462e3fac3a70b193012.jpg)
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Quote from: TonyaW on September 01, 2018, 10:21:56 AM
Some random thoughts since nothing new going on for me.
How is that eyeliner doesn't stay on and yet is impossible to remove completely?
Fitbit's should give extra credit for steps taken while wearing heels.
Hardly anyone seems to spell my name right. I didn't know T-o-n-y-a was not a popular spelling.
Oh I guess there is something new, this skirt. Hard to tell from the picture but its purple. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180901/38167a0bb8fd4462e3fac3a70b193012.jpg)
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Target?
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Inspired by @Faith
My progress
I think these are all the photos I've used as avatars in the last 2 years.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180915/0b8cc28d4232fab87cf072fceb912204.jpg)
About 4 months pre HRT, after a Sephora makeover
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180915/79b10b5b9673c7fbf269194be20d41d8.jpg)
This one was labeled 6 months so going to guess it was from August 2017, 6 months HRT.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180915/896d08f8b33ad0899ba778a230078953.jpg)
December 2017, first one I can find after going red.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180915/beca03cb3b5def058480831dbe76fbf5.jpg)
January 2018
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180915/483d9b18379fcbd7f7faa704ccc092d4.jpg)
May 2018. 1 year 2 months HRT
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180915/d8568d769ba238664800d530f8c041de.jpg)
July 2018
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180915/a39a556f18c60746fd7bb37451131aad.jpg)
August 2018
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not so dramatic between the recent ones, definitely a noticeable shift in the right direction from the early ones. Keep it up :)
@Tanya W Dear Tanya:Wow, a very nice lineup of your photos....
I am happy to see that you keep your thread complete with lots of photos that show that how your appearance is approaching your goals.
Thank you for sharing with your followers and keep on keeping on....
...you are getting closer and closer.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Thanks for the kind words Faith and Danielle. If I squint just right and turn my head at a the right angle I can kinda sorta see some progress.
I really can't seem to catch my best looks and smiles with a selfie. I suppose its because those are spontaneous and selfies are posed by definition.
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most selfie cameras (cell phones, ick) are great at capturing the most minuscule flaw and amplifying it for the world. You have to look beyond that to the best of your ability. I look beyond it by tapping that little trash can thing when I look at my picture(s) .. but .. you don't have to do the same thing that I do :D
If you really want some progress photos, get someone to take them for you.
Quote from: TonyaW on September 18, 2018, 07:42:19 AM
Thanks for the kind words Faith and Danielle. If I squint just right and turn my head at a the right angle I can kinda sorta see some progress.
I really can't seem to catch my best looks and smiles with a selfie. I suppose its because those are spontaneous and selfies are posed by definition.
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@Tanya W Dear Tanya:I totally agree with you about
selfies.Oh yeah, when stretching out my arm to take a selfie and trying to push the button to take the picture, all of that does terrible things to how I look trying to smile. I find it best to take a selfie in front of a mirror... a little easier. ... and of course the best thing is to have a friend or passerby take our picture.
Don't you know? ??? Cameras and mirrors are
NOT OUR FRIENDS... as you have heard before that we tend to be our own worst critics.... but now it is the camera and mirror that are our worst critics!!! ;)
For our own therapy and the ability to follow our own progress it is important to pepper our threads or our personal journal at home with a flow of pictures that document our transition journey toward our goal.
In spite of it al concerning selfies, cameras and mirrorsl, thank you for posting your photos as you feel comfortable doing it.
Thank you for keeping your thread up to date... your followers appreciate your effort.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Faith on September 15, 2018, 09:23:56 AM
not so dramatic between the recent ones, definitely a noticeable shift in the right direction from the early ones. Keep it up :)
You're definitely moving the desired direction. And your hair color is great! You're doing well with the curling iron. It takes a bit to get used to handling one, but then its off to the races!
Judi
Quote from: Faith on September 18, 2018, 07:48:54 AM
most selfie cameras (cell phones, ick) are great at capturing the most minuscule flaw and amplifying it for the world. You have to look beyond that to the best of your ability. I look beyond it by tapping that little trash can thing when I look at my picture(s) .. but .. you don't have to do the same thing that I do :D
If you really want some progress photos, get someone to take them for you.
Oh I give the trash can icon a pretty good work out. For every selfie I keep, probably 10 go right in the trash. Quite often none make the cut and it can be a bit of a downer. I usually only try to take them when I'm feeling good about my makeup or hair or something and then I see the selfies and blah.
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From the Google arts and culture app.
It matched me only with women for the first time. I should take that as a positive.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180922/caf24261a11b3678d4bb75be33cc6406.jpg)
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Some stuff
20th year of golf vacations with my brother last week. Last year was the first as Tonya, this year was the the first as legally Tonya.
My golf ranged from ugly (97) to pretty good (78), mostly in the middle of the two.
My brother was again really good with the name and pronouns and quickly corrected himself on the rare screw ups.
Weather was a bit cold a couple of days and I learned the hard way that I need my thermals for temps in the low 50s now. Didnt pack any because I never needed them before unless temps were in the 40s.
In the upcoming events category, I'll he going to a comicon in Chicago on the 13th.
My kids had planned on going and then my wife found out that Matt Smith (11th Doctor) and Karen Gillan (Amy Pond) were added to the celebrity guest lineup, I was talked into a $200 photo op. More than happily participating, but wouldn't have spent that much for just me.
Ok picture time. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181002/53cdf66215487cca6c1d74e9ba99eb64.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181002/15b486f34f3b5cf8fd27b2e0baa49f2c.jpg)
Not sure when that happened, but it looks like visible boobage. Would be more visible if there was less visible gut.
@TonyaWDear Tanya:Thank you for posting a wonderful and positive report and update regarding your 20th annual golf vacation with your brother.
I am not a very good golfer so your first score of 97 is the range that I fall into usually and wow, a 78... I would be ecstatic given my usual score average.
Your brother sounds like a good guy, accepting and all of that.... and even self-correcting on the rare occassions that he screws up addressing you with the wrong pronouns.... count you blessings to have a brother such as he.
Hmmm, Comicon, a fun event for certain... perhaps you might be going as Wonder Woman or perhaps Ellen Ripley from Alien.... hey, what about Rogue or Mystique from X-Factor .... lots of fun choices for sure.
Oh wow, visible boobage for certain!!!... and your hair is certainly beautiful too... and that wonderful smile, it is contagious... smiling is very disarming to everyone that sees you..
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your pictures with your followers, we are a curious bunch and we want to know!!!
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle
Tonya, You're lookin' great. don't let anyone tell you otherwise ... especially yourself :D
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 02, 2018, 04:03:38 PM
@TonyaW
Dear Tanya:
Thank you for posting a wonderful and positive report and update regarding your 20th annual golf vacation with your brother.
I am not a very good golfer so your first score of 97 is the range that I fall into usually and wow, a 78... I would be ecstatic given my usual score average.
Your brother sounds like a good guy, accepting and all of that.... and even self-correcting on the rare occassions that he screws up addressing you with the wrong pronouns.... count you blessings to have a brother such as he.
Hmmm, Comicon, a fun event for certain... perhaps you might be going as Wonder Woman or perhaps Ellen Ripley from Alien.... hey, what about Rogue or Mystique from X-Factor .... lots of fun choices for sure.
Oh wow, visible boobage for certain!!!... and your hair is certainly beautiful too... and that wonderful smile, it is contagious... smiling is very disarming to everyone that sees you..
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your pictures with your followers, we are a curious bunch and we want to know!!!
Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle
Hey thanks Danielle.
My brother is a pretty good guy. His biggest concern when I came out to my family last summer was that I wouldn't go on the golf vacations anymore. Told him I was still willing if he was.
No costume for the comicon. Amy Pond (if your not a Doctor Who fan you'll want to Google her) would be the one if I were and no way I want to do that for a photo with the real Amy. My wife, daughter's and grandson will be along and pretty sure they ain't ready for that yet either.
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Quote from: Faith on October 02, 2018, 04:22:00 PM
Tonya, You're lookin' great. don't let anyone tell you otherwise ... especially yourself :D
Thanks Faith.
I was pretty happy with those pictures, but sometimes it can get to me when I see something thats just not quite right. I have noticed that I like the mirror more when I'm in a better mood.
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My daily TED talk.
Pretty good basic explanation I thought.
https://www.ted.com/talks/kristie_overstreet_phd_why_are_many_doctors_scared_of_transgender_patients?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_content=button__2018-10-03&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare
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Busy day of TV watching.
Packers at noon
Brewers playoff game at 330
Dr Who season premiere in the middle of both. Have it recorded for after dinner viewing.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181007/e96a011aa91798f97d37d4de1920f844.jpg)
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Just watch out for the DNA grenade
Didn't know you had a daily Ted talk
Quote from: TonyaW on October 06, 2018, 08:26:03 AM
My daily TED talk.
Pretty good basic explanation I thought.
https://www.ted.com/talks/kristie_overstreet_phd_why_are_many_doctors_scared_of_transgender_patients?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_content=button__2018-10-03&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare
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I have watched that TED talk at least a dozen times, it is so affirming. Plus, Dr. Kristie is my gender therapist!
@TonyaW you should check out her website. She also has a YouTube channel.
Perry
Still here. I guess that's a good thing.
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Quote from: TonyaW on October 19, 2018, 12:46:42 PM
Still here. I guess that's a good thing.
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**WAVES**
:icon_wave:
Can't expect anyone to post on my thread if I don't. Selfie in a fitting room today. This is what I wore going in, nothing new to see here.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181103/6bd186feeb2b9a3660e6c261660783ef.jpg)
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Your hair looks amazing!
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Quote from: TonyaW on November 02, 2018, 09:43:40 PM
Can't expect anyone to post on my thread if I don't. Selfie in a fitting room today. This is what I wore going in, nothing new to see here.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181103/6bd186feeb2b9a3660e6c261660783ef.jpg)
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@TonyaW Wowzers! You are looking good... I love trying on clothes... women like doing that sort of thing!!!!
Yes, stay active on your own thread and you will be able to share important thoughts with others that revolve around your exciting transition journey.
Again, you look great, thanks for sharing your selfie.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: MollyPants on November 03, 2018, 01:36:38 AM
Your hair looks amazing!
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Thanks, Molly.
Just re-upped the color on Thursday. One of the better home jobs I've done.
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Quote from: TonyaW on November 03, 2018, 01:18:49 PM
Thanks, Molly.
Just re-upped the color on Thursday. One of the better home jobs I've done.
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What did you use? I've been thinking about dying my hair for a while now. It's gotten to a bob length now so no it's about time to start doing something with it!
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Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 03, 2018, 01:52:54 AM
@TonyaW
Wowzers! You are looking good... I love trying on clothes... women like doing that sort of thing!!!!
Yes, stay active on your own thread and you will be able to share important thoughts with others that revolve around your exciting transition journey.
Again, you look great, thanks for sharing your selfie.
Hugs,
Danielle
Thanks, Danielle.
Took in two sizes in different colors of same skirt and bought the other color of the one that fit best, so no picture of that.
I'll often take something that I really have no intention of buying into the fitting room when I'm trying stuff on. Tried on some jeggings that I ended up liking but not in my price range and would prefer a tall size if I can find it.
I'm at a point where not much going on transition wise so don't post much on my thread. Get gendered correctly mostly always these days and have not had any confrontations. Moved 100 miles away for work over 4 years ago so don't run into or see old friends that don't know. My bad days I usually get over before I feel compelled to say anything.
Have a doctor appointment and trip to see my mom for her 80th birthday in December. Will be my first time flying after my name change and ID update and first time seeing my younger sister in person since starting transition. Not foreseeing any issues with any of that so should have some positive things to share.
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Quote from: MollyPants on November 03, 2018, 01:46:35 PM
What did you use? I've been thinking about dying my hair for a while now. It's gotten to a bob length now so no it's about time to start doing something with it!
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This was Feria, color R57.
Last couple times I had it done at a teaching salon. Takes longer, but a lot cheaper than a regular salon.
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Quote from: TonyaW on November 03, 2018, 01:53:56 PM
This was Feria, color R57.
Last couple times I had it done at a teaching salon. Takes longer, but a lot cheaper than a regular salon.
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Thanks :) yeah I think we have the trainees in normal salons here but a discount. Of they mess up the stylist fixes it for you.
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Quote from: TonyaW on November 03, 2018, 01:50:38 PM
Thanks, Danielle.
Took in two sizes in different colors of same skirt and bought the other color of the one that fit best, so no picture of that.
I'll often take something that I really have no intention of buying into the fitting room when I'm trying stuff on. Tried on some jeggings that I ended up liking but not in my price range and would prefer a tall size if I can find it.
I'm at a point where not much going on transition wise so don't post much on my thread. Get gendered correctly mostly always these days and have not had any confrontations. Moved 100 miles away for work over 4 years ago so don't run into or see old friends that don't know. My bad days I usually get over before I feel compelled to say anything.
Have a doctor appointment and trip to see my mom for her 80th birthday in December. Will be my first time flying after my name change and ID update and first time seeing my younger sister in person since starting transition. Not foreseeing any issues with any of that so should have some positive things to share.
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Yea pretty hot there..to bad your married
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Bleah.
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Quote from: TonyaW on November 09, 2018, 09:33:40 AM
Bleah.
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Is that a targeted
Bleah or a general all-around
Bleah ? Either way, I know the feeling.
Faith
ps
HI!, I've been anti-social recently. Thought I'd let you know that I peek in on you.
Quote from: Faith on November 09, 2018, 09:35:54 AM
Is that a targeted Bleah or a general all-around Bleah ? Either way, I know the feeling.
Faith
ps
HI!, I've been anti-social recently. Thought I'd let you know that I peek in on you.
Little of both.
Targeted part is the weather.
It's effing snowing out. Accumulating, not just flurries or showers and it's too early to play my Christmas music.
Thanks for the peek-in and nice to see you feeling able to post again.
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I've been told that I must want to sleep with men if I want GCS.
https://transsubstantiation.com/on-being-uber-gay-ad360448e170
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My car broke yesterday. I think I'm waking to work to day.
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ick :( , I hope it's not far ... and that your car is not severely broken.
Less than a 2 mile walk but its effing cold out.
Essentially a wheel fell off. Tow driver said it was a ball joint and easy but won't know what all needs replacement until they look at it today.
Car has 157000 miles so its possibly the end of it but I'm more hopeful that it's not after the initial diagnosis. I need it to go another 9 months at least before I can really afford a car payment.
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Some stuff from another thread. Did not want to respond there as it is off topic and I don't believe my response will be helpful to the OP.
Quote from: Lisa_K on November 21, 2018, 07:28:55 PM
If you're MTF, you were born male and no mistakes or incorrect "assignments" were made stamping that on your birth certificate however unpleasant it may be to think in these terms. That's where the "M" in MTF comes from.
Um, no.
My anatomy was male when I was born, which led to my birth certificate being stamped male. My self, my soul, my being, what have you, has always been female.
The MTF refers to the transition of the body and in my case starting my physical transition at age 54, it is also a social transition. Stating that I was male in anyway other than physically would imply that I choose to be female now. I did not choose to be female, I just am, even though I started with a male body and attempted to live that way for 54 years.
Lack of information, denial, fear of being found out, and toxic levels (for a female brain) of testosterone are what caused me to take that long to start it, not that I was ever male.
The choice I made was to live female, not be female.
Quote from: Miss Clara on November 24, 2018, 02:30:43 PM
If you agree that our bodies include the brain, and that the brains of males and females differ anatomically, then, the bodies of transsexual women aremisaligned at birth, that is, composed of a mixture of male and female physical characteristics. It's understandable and forgivable that we were mistakenly assigned male at birth (the female part being hidden from view), but that doesn't mean we lose the right to correct the error and claim our female identities. As long as other people persist in the conditioned, but false belief that one's sexual identity is binary, either male or female, ignoring the fact that a significant number of people fall between these poles on the sexual spectrum, there's a good chance that a potential life partner will react poorly on learning that their love interest underwent medical treatment to correct what is essentially a birth anomaly, i.e., misaligned sexual anatomy....
Anyone who insists that my sexual identity is irrevocably male and unable to accept that I was and always will be female in the most deep seated and permanent way, is not welcome in my life.
Beautifully stated. I try to avoid the trolls on other social media sites that try to pull the "it's biology" bit but this is what I want to respond with. Yes its biology because brains are part of biology. Genital anatomy is not the be all and end all of biology as related to gender identity.
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Quote from: TonyaW on November 14, 2018, 08:23:38 AM
Less than a 2 mile walk but its effing cold out.
Essentially a wheel fell off. Tow driver said it was a ball joint and easy but won't know what all needs replacement until they look at it today.
Car has 157000 miles so its possibly the end of it but I'm more hopeful that it's not after the initial diagnosis. I need it to go another 9 months at least before I can really afford a car payment.
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@Tanya W Dear Tanya:
So sorry to hear about your car troubles. I trust that you are able to have it economically repaired in short order.
It is never a good time to have car troubles... but the cold winter is not very convenient for sure.
The good news is that walking is very good for you and if dressed appropriately it can actually be quite refreshing and enjoyable...
Thank you for sharing and posting.
Best wishes to you and your car.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 25, 2018, 11:27:23 AM
@Tanya W
Dear Tanya:
So sorry to hear about your car troubles. I trust that you are able to have it economically repaired in short order.
It is never a good time to have car troubles... but the cold winter is not very convenient for sure.
The good news is that walking is very good for you and if dressed appropriately it can actually be quite refreshing and enjoyable...
Thank you for sharing and posting.
Best wishes to you and your car.
Hugs,
Danielle
Car is good but was not cheap. Aside from the the repair to get it back on the road, I had a bunch of too long neglected maintenance done which brought the total cost to almost double the minimum amount needed to drive it again. Engine seems up to the task and with the supporting cast now in good shape, I'm now wanting 2 more years from it rather than just one.
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So doctors appointment yesterday.
Blood tests out of whack. Testosterone a bit higher but not out of whack, still in normal female range. Estrogen way lower than last time (February). Testing those again in 3 months instead of 6 months.
Of more immediate concern was elevated creatinine and blood sugar and prolactin. Testing those again in one month. Hopefully those were just a fluke this time or they'll be having to find out why. Creatinine and prolactin totally out of nowhere, never a hint that being an issue. Blood sugar has been a smidge high at times in past but not as high as now, which is also surprising in that my weight is down about 25 pounds from when last tested. One bright spot was cholesterol dropped to way normal from slightly high.
No dose adjustments but giving progesterone another shot. Going with the micronized as opposed to the medroxyprogesterone, which I had issues with. She wanted to consult with the other doctor at her practice (supposed to be the top trans doc in the area) about her patients getting benefits from the micronized progesterone before prescribing it for me. Picked it up yesterday so must be worth a shot.
Here's the numbers going all the way back
Pre-hrt 02/17/17
Test 437
Est 19
05/10/17
Test 156
Est 61
08/10/17
Test 32
Est 73
02/13/18
Test 3.
Est. 162
12/05/18
Test 26
Est 58
In the what else can go wrong category, Monday I found I could use new teeth. Not all of them but I have one molar that is starting to crack, another with cavity under a 30 year old crown and the bridge on my front lower teeth is falling apart. Insurance doesn't cover any of this as its "major" work. Not sure why I have insurance then.
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Big trip coming up. Thursday flying to Arizona for my mom's 80th birthday.
Will be the first time seeing some of my relatives in person since coming out. Had a Skype chat with everyone last year at Christmas so most have seen me on camera. Have visited my brother a few times and saw my mom and sister in AZ on a quick trip there in January. Other sister lives in AK so no one sees her much.
Nephews and their girlfriends will be there also, which not totally thrilled about. Not anything bad about them or issues with me, but didn't know they would be there until last Sunday. Issue is that on such short notice no way that my kids would be able to getaway. I'm going to believe that since their mom is the sister that lives in AZ, this is their Christmas gathering. Its quite possible my kids would not be able to come anyway, but it would have been nice to know so they could try.
Also my step sister is coming. Have not seen her since her wedding in 2008(?).
She's 14 years younger and I was in college when my mom and her dad started getting serious. She alsolived with her mother in a different state while growing up so did not see her much.
And there's a party so will be meeting friends of my parents.
And flying for first time with new name and gender marker on my ID.
Looking forward to it though and not expecting any issues, just a few things I'm mildly nervous about.
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya:Your update regarding your upcoming trip to Arizona is very exciting to for me to read and I am certain that you are very excited about the trip, perhaps with a few butterflies in your stomach when going through TSA at the airport and also regarding seeing family members, relatives, and friends for the first time in person.
Stand tall, be confident and be self-assured as you make the journey.
I will be rooting for you.... all of your readers and followers of your threads are your biggest fans.
Thanks for sharing with all of us.
I will be eagerly looking for your updates.
Hugs,
Danielle
New pic. Still sitting in bed. Not shaved, no makeup (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181222/d17a105078d1b838264a69e57b0eabf5.jpg)
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Trip recap
Everything went well.
No airport issues, some how had TSA precheck so bypassed the lines with the full body scanners.
Only 2 or 3 times I heard old name and each time it was immediately corrected. A few more he's and him's than I would have liked but enough she's and hers to show that they know, just need practice. Also was introduced as daughter and referred to as sister, which way more than made up for any pronoun trouble. Got a "good morning girls" from neighbors walking by while sitting in the sun with my wife on my sister's front porch. At least I pass from a distance in the bright sun of Arizona.
No time for golfing, but did get in some miniature golf, bocce ball and my sister and her husband taught us to play pickleball. Could see doing more of that. Singles would be quite a workout.
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@Tanya W Dear Tanya:I have been looking forward to reading how your trip to Arizona went for you.
Thank you for sharing your update with all of us that are following your thread and your transition journey.
It was wonderful to read that you had no issues at the airport with checking in and with security.
I loved how you described how you were addressed as a daughter, a sister... and a "good morning girls" greeting from a neighbor.... that must have felt terrific to hear those things from loved ones and neighbors.
Again
Tanya, I am so very happy that your trip went well.... I will be looking forward to more of your updates as you feel so led to post them...
Hugs, and wishing you a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year,
Ms TanyaDanielle
Holiday update.
Was not dead named by my dad. I was concerned as he deliberately did so with the birthday card he sent me. Sent him a note with his father's day card asking to please not do that again. Also included in that was a new address for my kids as we had sold our house shortly before. I hadn't heard from him since then (not too unusual) so I was not sure he read the note after getting a card from his daughter. He mailed his usual Christmas gift to the correct place, addressed to the family and not me as he used to. The enclosed card said the gift was for all five of us. Since I was not shunned, I did call him on Christmas day and talked for about a half hour. He never once called me by any name. Not sure if that was intended but it's better than dead naming. Was expecting a Tonya, but I had told him I'd accept TJ, as he has called me that almost exclusively for the last 40 plus years before the birthday card. (Just as an aside, I used the term "dead name" but it's not one that I feel really applies to me as an older transitioner that doesn't want or need to hide from or forget her past life.)
Health update.
Colonoscopy on Thursday was clear. Was hoping to get put back on 10 year intervals as I'd only had one polyp 5 years ago on my initial screening. Doctor said no, you've got a history so its every 5 still. Side note; it was a bit different being called Ms. W_______ at the clinic. Very nice, but not used to the formalities. Also wonder how thoroughly they had read my chart before hand. My gender was changed to female in my records when I changed my name legally. My main diagnosis is male to female transgender person so it's in there.
I was unconscious before the procedure got started so don't know if anyone might have been surprised.
Blood test tomorrow to recheck sugar, creatinine and prolactin, which were all elevated a month ago. If these are good we will assume faulty test previous as there was no reason for any of those to be off. Especially the blood sugar since my weight was down 25 pounds from the tests before that when it was normal. If they're still high, it will be back to the doctor to find out why. If I'm not having to figure out what might be wrong with my kidneys, I can inquire with the gender clinic in Madison about a surgery consult. Though I may need to put that off anyway because...
Life update.
My hours at work are being cut. I can't afford to lose 1/8 of my paycheck. I've asked to see if there's a way to pick up hours working for or even at other locations, but not sure that they can or will. I'd hope at least they'd be able to get me some hours on the retail side, but not really wanting to work that area again. Otherwise I'll need to look at other places. Not too keen on that. Pretty sure the job market isn't the greatest for a 56 year old trans woman. Even one with a pharmacist license. If I have put in some hours at retail at least I wont have to wear a necktie.
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@Tanya W Dear Tanya:Thank you for posting your update about your Holiday times with family. I can identify with what you said about your dad. I visited my dad for the first time in 2 years and even after much prompting he stubbornly was still dean-naming me and referring to me with all the wrong gender words and pronouns. I guess he never will accept me, but I will always keep trying... I think that we owe our parents that... we do need to always respect them, they will always be our parents, and I do not want regrets later on in life for things that I said and also things that I didn't say.
Good news about your Colonoscopy... and also very good news about being referred to as Ms W at the clinic!!!
Regarding your blood tests, hopefully the results will be good... the fact that you lost 25 pounds since the last blood test may improve a lot of the results especially the blood sugar Glucose and also the Cholesterol results and perhaps the other previous results that were out of the normal range.
I am crossing my fingers for you.
So sorry to read about your employment situation. I trust that you can get you additional hours or perhaps put some feelers out there for a new job perhaps? If you do get a new job, you can apply as a woman and get a job as a woman... and no more necktie.
Thank you for sharing, I am wishing you well.
Hugs,
Danielle
Blood tests ok, not dying any faster than everyone else.
No change on job.
More a picture of the door, but there is someone in a new shirt dress I got for $7.50 on clearance Sunday.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190110/64d17109d8bbb044e591ce16afad8f93.jpg)
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@TonyaWDear Tanya: Thank you for your update,
Good news on your health.
At least you still have a job.
Thank you for treating us to your new photo...
...you are looking very good indeed !!!
I like your hair too, looks quite nice.
Hugs, and well wishes as always.
Danielle
So I found the stickers on my camera. Maybe I could pull off the hippie chick look.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190119/769c3f8558fa2fb4c0a434d2bb7ce5ac.jpg)
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Quote from: TonyaW on January 19, 2019, 12:03:53 PM
So I found the stickers on my camera. Maybe I could pull off the hippie chick look.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190119/769c3f8558fa2fb4c0a434d2bb7ce5ac.jpg)
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya:
It's working... you look terrific.. nice glasses, wonderful hair and a very beautiful smile too.
Thank you for treating all of your followers to your great photo...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
I'm cold.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190129/45998d2b8dd39f60880d9d2950b53bcf.jpg)
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Quote from: TonyaW on January 29, 2019, 10:42:36 AM
I'm cold.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190129/45998d2b8dd39f60880d9d2950b53bcf.jpg)
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya:It appears that are getting your body adjusted so that you can come visit me this winter!!!
Keep warm, keep dry, be prepared, and keep your vehicle full of gas and well maintained, and always carry a blanket and extra warm clothes with you when you are out and about.... and keep your cell phone fully charged!!
Be safe out there!
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
So started watching the latest episode of I am Jazz last night. Its the one where she gets GCS. She had Drs Bowers and Ting, guess you can afford that if you're on tv, but that's beside my point today. Thing was they showed her after coming out of anesthesia but still half out of it, you could see she was extremely happy. Of course I was and am happy for her (and anyone else that wants and gets GCS) but my stupid head suddenly thinks that I'm never getting GCS and I'm going to die with this disgusting ugly man body. Hoping my therapist appointment isn't cancelled due to the weather today.
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Feeling bad again. Kind explains it
https://twitter.com/CateSpice/status/1083505001534648321?s=09
https://twitter.com/CateSpice/status/1083505623038185472?s=09
https://twitter.com/CateSpice/status/1083506219904524288?s=09
https://twitter.com/CateSpice/status/1083560901360246784?s=09
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So I guess I have news.
Tuesday actually called the UW-Madison gender surgery clinic. Been sitting on their number since early December at least. Had to leave a message with the navigator (coordinator). Message says allow 48 to 72 hours for return call. Finally came Friday. Small round of phone tag as my phone was acting up so had turned it off for maybe 30 minutes. Of course the call came while it was off. She did pick up when I called back so not to bad. She asked some basic questions and is sending out a bunch of forms and others info. She also gave my info to scheduling and said they'd call me. I figured that would be next week but it was only about 90 minutes later. I have a consult with the surgeon, Dr. Gast, on April 25th.
Coincidence or karma time. I started a thread a while back asking if anyone had heard of or been to the UW clinic and Dr. Gast. Some responses but no one with info. About an hour after I called, I see that Dr Gast was mentioned on another thread in response to someone seeking info on Chicago surgeons. A thank you CindyLou for further information.
Since today is my 2 year HRT anniversary, I throw a before and after at you.
Yesterday
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190223/55b0554b4b52d3fe3f6f56e0cb05d27b.jpg)
July 2005
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190223/47b2a97fc036f79d64f4c2d87b1af37a.jpg)
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya:WOW WHEE .....
... your 2 year HRT anniversary and look at you!!! I see a transformed and beautiful woman. :)
Congratuations to you and all the hard work, effort and time you put into your transition. I would say that it has paid off nicely.
Any plans for your special day today?
Please continue to keep me and all of your followers updated regarding your consultation with Dr. Gast as April 25th approaches.
Hugs and continuing best wishes,
DanielleQuote from: TonyaW on February 23, 2019, 02:50:46 PM
So I guess I have news.
Tuesday actually called the UW-Madison gender surgery clinic. Been sitting on their number since early December at least. Had to leave a message with the navigator (coordinator). Message says allow 48 to 72 hours for return call. Finally came Friday. Small round of phone tag as my phone was acting up so had turned it off for maybe 30 minutes. Of course the call came while it was off. She did pick up when I called back so not to bad. She asked some basic questions and is sending out a bunch of forms and others info. She also gave my info to scheduling and said they'd call me. I figured that would be next week but it was only about 90 minutes later. I have a consult with the surgeon, Dr. Gast, on April 25th.
Coincidence or karma time. I started a thread a while back asking if anyone had heard of or been to the UW clinic and Dr. Gast. Some responses but no one with info. About an hour after I called, I see that Dr Gast was mentioned on another thread in response to someone seeking info on Chicago surgeons. A thank you CindyLou for further information.
Since today is my 2 year HRT anniversary, I throw a before and after at you.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190223/55b0554b4b52d3fe3f6f56e0cb05d27b.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190223/47b2a97fc036f79d64f4c2d87b1af37a.jpg)
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Congratulations on having your surgical consultation scheduled, and on your two-year HRT anniversary!
I definitely prefer the 'after' picture! ;D
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 23, 2019, 02:57:10 PM
@TonyaW
Dear Tonya:
WOW WHEE .....
... your 2 year HRT anniversary and look at you!!! I see a transformed and beautiful woman. :)
Congratuations to you and all the hard work, effort and time you put into your transition. I would say that it has paid off nicely.
Any plans for your special day today?
Please continue to keep me and all of your followers updated regarding your consultation with Dr. Gast as April 25th approaches.
Hugs and continuing best wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: KathyLauren on February 23, 2019, 03:30:57 PM
Congratulations on having your surgical consultation scheduled, and on your two-year HRT anniversary!
I definitely prefer the 'after' picture! ;D
Thanks Danielle and Kathy for stopping by and leaving the kind words.
Trying not to get too excited about the consult. Getting the PA from insurance won't start until then and nothing will happen without that.
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I really would not have cared about that guy in the before picture (glad that I did not run across him when I was still roaming around in Wisconsin). I'd rather would have liked to meet the lady in the after picture!
Good luck with your appointment in Madison!
Quote from: Dietlind on February 26, 2019, 10:03:10 AM
I really would not have cared about that guy in the before picture (glad that I did not run across him when I was still roaming around in Wisconsin). I'd rather would have liked to meet the lady in the after picture!
Good luck with your appointment in Madison!
He looks a lot tougher than he ever was.
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Quote from: TonyaW on February 27, 2019, 07:05:24 AM
He looks a lot tougher than he ever was.
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I know all about that overcompensating thing! I was considered to be a real manly man, too!
Quote from: Dietlind on February 27, 2019, 09:11:43 AM
I know all about that overcompensating thing! I was considered to be a real manly man, too!
Never intentionally overcompensated. I'm tall and when I got fat (about 275 in that picture) I could look intimidating.
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Quote from: TonyaW on February 28, 2019, 12:27:28 AM
Never intentionally overcompensated. I'm tall and when I got fat (about 275 in that picture) I could look intimidating.
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I never did do this intentionally either, but I think it is the nature of the human beast that one does it automatically, if one is not really sure that one is such a person.
This is still bugging me a little bit. No getting to goofy over it but..
So Thursday went to a Pizza place that we go to maybe once every 2 months and to this location about half those times.
It's a buffet at times so you pay up front. We get to the counter and the lady says "hi Tonya" and says she remembered from last time we were there. Well that's nice but the thing is, you don't need to give your name and the rewards card is in my wife's name. So she had to get it from my debit card when I paid last time. I know she's supposed to look at names on the cards, but do you really remember them?
So I guess I stand out.
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I get remembered as well !!!!!
Quote from: TonyaW on March 03, 2019, 10:48:30 AM
We get to the counter and the lady says "hi Tonya" and says she remembered from last time we were there.
So I guess I stand out.
I know THAT feeling. I am 6'6" and even in male mode people do notice me and know my name. Like in the office, folks I never had anything to do with and I don't know by name (I am admittedly bad with names) greet me by name in the hallways. It is kind of embarrassing that I can't greet them back with their name and just have to restrict myself to a simple "High". Or once I was with my daughter in the supermarket and we ran into someone from work I don't know by name and they greeted me with "Hi <my name here>, how are you?". Somehow I got by, but after the encounter my daughter asked me who that was and the only answer I had was "I don't know" and my daughter felt that this was kind of funny...
One thing is for sure: This confirms that people are talking about me!
On the other hand, yes it is true that just for being tall lots of folks feel intimidated and leave you alone. The fun thing is that often tall folks (including cis men) are often not very aggressive people, and are rather calm, but the short ones don't know this. That probably saved me a lot from getting bullied when I was a kid.
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on March 03, 2019, 03:43:13 PM
I know THAT feeling. I am 6'6" and even in male mode people do notice me and know my name. Like in the office, folks I never had anything to do with and I don't know by name (I am admittedly bad with names) greet me by name in the hallways. It is kind of embarrassing that I can't greet them back with their name and just have to restrict myself to a simple "High". Or once I was with my daughter in the supermarket and we ran into someone from work I don't know by name and they greeted me with "Hi <my name here>, how are you?". Somehow I got by, but after the encounter my daughter asked me who that was and the only answer I had was "I don't know" and my daughter felt that this was kind of funny...
One thing is for sure: This confirms that people are talking about me!
On the other hand, yes it is true that just for being tall lots of folks feel intimidated and leave you alone. The fun thing is that often tall folks (including cis men) are often not very aggressive people, and are rather calm, but the short ones don't know this. That probably saved me a lot from getting bullied when I was a kid.
Pretty sure it wasn't just being tall as 6'2"is taller than most women but isn't way out of norm for female.
6'6" would get you remembered male or female just about anywhere but the NBA.
Also don't think it was because she'd never seen such a gorgeous redhead before.
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So a couple of things. First a good one.
First time since 1982 that the first digit hasn't been 2.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190306/7b0b53a40e1c144dd6fac10b0c1bc75b.jpg)
And results from hormone levels yesterday, not so great.
I'm concerned with the estradiol being low again. T a little higher than before but still within range. Haven't heard from my doctor yet, tests yesterday and posted in my chart overnight. Last three results
02/13/18
Test 3.0 ng/dl
Est. 162 pg/ml
12/05/18
Test 26
Est 58
03/05/19
Test 26
Est 56
Variable could be progesterone. I started medroxyprogesterone after the 02/18 test. Took that daily for two months then cycle 10 days of month for 3 more. So was off it for 5 months prior to the 12/18 level. Started micronized progesterone at that time. Levels being the same this time would lead me to believe it has no effect though. Guess I wait for my doctor to call.
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Nothing new, just more waiting.
Weather has been better and finally got a chance to wear my $8 dress that I got from Old Navy.
Took some pics but didn't like my face in any of them so deleted them all. Maybe next time. Oh, one year ago today I became legally Tonya.
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 21, 2019, 07:01:52 AM
Nothing new, just more waiting.
Weather has been better and finally got a chance to wear my $8 dress that I got from Old Navy.
Took some pics but didn't like my face in any of them so deleted them all. Maybe next time. Oh, one year ago today I became legally Tonya.
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YAY! um, I think :P I guess I'm just glad to 'see' you :D
deleted pics due to face, Yeah .. I am quite familiar with that action.
Quote from: Faith on March 21, 2019, 07:11:31 AM
YAY! um, I think [emoji14] I guess I'm just glad to 'see' you :D
deleted pics due to face, Yeah .. I am quite familiar with that action.
Thought you could relate to that. I think it was they day you said something about blurring your face out. I deleted mine by then so didn't try that.
I had a decent face pic from that day but none in the full shot. Tried using the timer and and voice command so I don't have to hold the camera. That worked fine but still need to work on the camera angle with that.
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One year ago today I was legally F'd.
Name change hearing was a year ago yesterday. Visit to Social Security Administration office and the DMV were the next day. Most awful picture on the drivers license so not showing that, but it does have an F in the proper spot.
So I have been legally me for 1 year now.
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 22, 2019, 08:46:10 AM
One year ago today I was legally F'd.
Name change hearing was a year ago yesterday. Visit to Social Security Administration office and the DMV were the next day. Most awful picture on the drivers license so not showing that, but it does have an F in the proper spot.
So I have been legally me for 1 year now.
WOOOOOO !!! :)
Quote from: Faith on March 22, 2019, 08:47:54 AM
WOOOOOO !!! :)
You get your court date yet?
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 22, 2019, 10:07:04 AM
You get your court date yet?
No :( I received the letter to schedule last week, then the magistrate went on vacation. I have to wait until next week to call in for scheduling.
Quote from: Faith on March 22, 2019, 11:27:22 AM
No :( I received the letter to schedule last week, then the magistrate went on vacation. I have to wait until next week to call in for scheduling.
Bummer. Seems strange that only that person can schedule things. Do you have put notice in the newspaper?
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 23, 2019, 08:42:27 AM
Bummer. Seems strange that only that person can schedule things. Do you have put notice in the newspaper?
no, just some background history forms (previous addresses, employment, etc) and a notarized petition for name change. plus fingerprints for a criminal background check ... have to make sure I'm not trying to get out of anything.
The newspaper thing here is supposed to fo that. Didn't need to do the other stuff except the notarized petition for name change.
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Couple from yesterday that I didn't hate. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190326/796df4d0846779006b8aaf213cea2af7.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190326/f4494fb03b99bf149af5fd37b42f2843.jpg)
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 26, 2019, 07:21:09 AM
Couple from yesterday that I didn't hate.
that's good because there is no reason to hate them. Where's my thumbs-up icon ????????
I think you look great! I love the jeans and boots look.
Quote from: Faith on March 26, 2019, 07:27:09 AM
that's good because there is no reason to hate them. Where's my thumbs-up icon ????????
My face is too big. Can't see any boob in that top. I know, not much to see anyway.
Otherwise they're ok.
Thanks for the kind words.
Quote from: randim on March 26, 2019, 08:43:05 AM
I think you look great! I love the jeans and boots look.
Thanks. I got those a while ago but they actually fit now. They are kind of short so its either the tall boots with them or wait for warmer weather and sandals.
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 26, 2019, 12:51:56 PM
My face is too big. Can't see any boob in that top. I know, not much to see anyway.
Otherwise they're ok.
It's not too big, if it was it'd overhang your head! .. sorry, be serious
**slaps self** Self-perception is your issue, not your face. I know all about that, I'm right there with you.
I have many tops that hide my boobettes. Guess what, plenty of cis-woman have the same issue. As small as mine are I am bigger than several gals here :P
Be Kind To Yourself
Quote from: Faith on March 26, 2019, 12:57:55 PM
It's not too big, if it was it'd overhang your head! .. sorry, be serious **slaps self**
Self-perception is your issue, not your face. I know all about that, I'm right there with you.
I have many tops that hide my boobettes. Guess what, plenty of cis-woman have the same issue. As small as mine are I am bigger than several gals here [emoji14]
Be Kind To Yourself
Ok, my whole head is too big then.
As for the boobs, it's not their actual size but the relative size to my 6 foot plus body.
I've been losing weight so that's not helping. I'm getting close to phase 2 of my weight plan. We'll see if that helps.
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 26, 2019, 07:33:49 PM
Ok, my whole head is too big then.
As for the boobs, it's not their actual size but the relative size to my 6 foot plus body.
I've been losing weight so that's not helping. I'm getting close to phase 2 of my weight plan. We'll see if that helps.
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Your head is not too big and neither is your face. It's your perception of self.
yeah, yeah, I know ... pot/kettle
I think you're worse than I am at being self-critical .. or is that better at it .. I'm so confused. Where's my coffee with the pink lid??!! Oh yeah, I don't have one. However, I do have a metal coffee cup from Circle K that is about the same color as my hair. Talk about accessory matching :D
...... yes I'm rambling ........
Quote from: Faith on March 27, 2019, 06:30:57 AM
Your head is not too big and neither is your face. It's your perception of self.
yeah, yeah, I know ... pot/kettle
I think you're worse than I am at being self-critical .. or is that better at it .. I'm so confused. Where's my coffee with the pink lid??!! Oh yeah, I don't have one. However, I do have a metal coffee cup from Circle K that is about the same color as my hair. Talk about accessory matching :D
...... yes I'm rambling ........
Hey, I bought a purple water bottle for the the gym. Sephora once told me my color was purple when I had a make over done.
I like purple but don't have many purple clothes. Wine (sounds cooler than maroon) and black seem to be my go to colors.
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Weight loss progress.
July
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190327/26baec0d4641dc94a14111fef1a5aa08.jpg)
January
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190327/f189bb1b0f3736671c3363c9ce4a4f49.jpg)
Today
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190327/e26b6d8088329420d02b24b7bd121cce.jpg)
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Tonya, congratulations on the weight loss! You look great!
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 27, 2019, 07:36:30 AM
Tonya, congratulations on the weight loss! You look great!
Thanks Kathy. A few more pounds and I start the cheeseburger phase where I try to grow some hips and boobs.
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You look great
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@TonyaW
Dear Tonya:Wowzers!!! Thanks for sharing your weight loss progress pictures!!
Very dramatic changes in just 9 months!!!!
Are you now at your target weight???
Again, Wowzers!!! Thank you for updating us.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: WutLolz on March 27, 2019, 09:13:19 AM
You look great
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@WutLolz Dear WutLolz: I am so very glad that you have become a member here and that you found the Susan's Place Forums.
As you continue to post on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are. I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here.
This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.
I also want to warmly
WELCOME you to Susan's Place.
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members. When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others
and offer support to others. ....
***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will
make some new like-minded friends here.
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
I have attached important and informative
LINKS that will help you to navigate around the Forums and will allow you to enjoy the features here.
Please look closely at the
LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.
Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
DanielleHere are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with: Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
@WutLolz Oh, and another thing WutLolz...
... please plan to write a brief introduction in the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) so that other members will be aware of your arrival... therefore you will be able to share your thoughts with more members here.
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
DanielleNOTE: Now after all of this Greeting Stuff I will let @TonyaW have her thread back so that the exchange of conversation can continue.
Other members here will certainly be along to give you their comments and suggestions that you may be seeking
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 27, 2019, 09:15:02 AM
@TonyaW
Dear Tonya:
Wowzers!!! Thanks for sharing your weight loss progress pictures!!
Very dramatic changes in just 9 months!!!!
Are you now at your target weight???
Again, Wowzers!!! Thank you for updating us.
Hugs,
Danielle
Thanks.
Started at 237. At 197 right now. Plan to get down to 190 and then go back up a few and see if it goes to the right places.
I want to maintain around 195 after that.
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 22, 2019, 10:07:04 AM
You get your court date yet?
I do now. Apr 16th !!!!!!!
Quote from: Faith on March 29, 2019, 09:44:03 AM
I do now. Apr 16th !!!!!!!
Yay. Cool. Happy dance etc.
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Pic from January just cause the fat picture from my weight los comparison is the one that shows when this thread pops up on my phone.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190329/6c401d3f469c07d288add77f9868d6a6.jpg)
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 29, 2019, 12:01:23 PM
Pic from January just cause the fat picture from my weight los comparison is the one that shows when this thread pops up on my phone.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190329/6c401d3f469c07d288add77f9868d6a6.jpg)
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You look great don't take this to heart as a critaziam because it's not but u could shape Ur eye brows little more razor blades good for that
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Quote from: WutLolz on March 29, 2019, 02:41:06 PM
You look great don't take this to heart as a critaziam because it's not but u could shape Ur eye brows little more razor blades good for that
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I noticed that a while ago and tried to shape them some. I think more recent pics are better. Look back a bit, this one is from January.
I would like someone that knows what they're doing to shape them for me once.
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Quote from: TonyaW on March 29, 2019, 04:17:40 PM
I noticed that a while ago and tried to shape them some. I think more recent pics are better. Look back a bit, this one is from January.
I would like someone that knows what they're doing to shape them for me once.
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I would if I could see u but I can't xD I always trim mine tough I'm ftm but I never liked them anyway
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Spent a lovely nostalgic day with my wife walking around parts of the UW campus and State St in Madison yesterday. Had an old favorite gyros from the Parthenon for lunch then walked back toward campus and climbed Bascom Hill. Back down the hill to the Memorial Union where we shared a dish of Babcock Hall ice cream by the lake. Then over to the Bookstore for some window shopping (put a Badger logo on it and the price doubles). Hit Starbucks for a cool drink on the way back to the car. Almost made there before the rain came. Didn't get too wet, got my golf umbrella from the car and went back out to get some Teddywedgers (Cornish pasty) to take home for lunch for next day.
Picture from the bottom of Bascom Hill and from the top. Thought I snapped a photo of the Abe Lincoln statue (a replica of the one at Lincoln Memorial I think). Legend has it that Abe stands up anytime a virgin graduates. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190426/46b1810e5a991a5fb51e25df80933e4c.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190426/8193bb39e5208c628600c771ee7963cf.jpg)
Oh and the reason we were in Madison, I had my surgery Consult with Dr. Gast. She seemed quite nice. Need to get my two letters so they can get insurance ok. Once that's done we can schedule. Currently she said she's scheduling for September. Which would make October or November possible. Unlikely I can arrange the needed time off with work for then so probably looking at January.
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On the minus side, played crappy golf in cold, crappy weather.
On the plus side, my brother introduced me as his sister to his regular Sunday morning group. And he got the pronouns right all weekend after a few slip ups on the first day.
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see, even brothers can be trained :D
He's a pretty good guy and has been one of my biggest supporters. Only see him 3 or 4 times a year so the pronouns will take a bit for 100%. He's older so has literally known me my entire life. Only the last two with new pronouns so I don't expect perfect.
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Quote from: TonyaW on April 26, 2019, 07:00:31 AM
Oh and the reason we were in Madison, I had my surgery Consult with Dr. Gast. She seemed quite nice.
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Is she part of the University? Do you know which insurances they take?
Quote from: Linde on May 14, 2019, 08:18:41 PM
Is she part of the University? Do you know which insurances they take?
Yeah, she's at the UW clinics. Don't know insurance she takes other than mine, which is United Healthcare.
Here's the website
https://www.uwhealth.org/gender-transgender-services/gender-services/51499
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Quote from: TonyaW on May 14, 2019, 11:01:10 PM
Yeah, she's at the UW clinics. Don't know insurance she takes other than mine, which is United Healthcare.
Here's the website
https://www.uwhealth.org/gender-transgender-services/gender-services/51499
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Thanks, I will take a look at it!
Quote from: Linde on May 14, 2019, 11:48:45 PM
Thanks, I will take a look at it!
Not a lot of info on the website. Some nice videos of the doctors talking about the surgery they do. Only way to contact them is by calling and you'll probably get voicemail.
Emily, the Gender Services Navigator will call you back eventually. Played some phone tag so it took about a week before I talked to her.
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Quote from: TonyaW on May 15, 2019, 07:24:24 AM
Not a lot of info on the website. Some nice videos of the doctors talking about the surgery they do. Only way to contact them is by calling and you'll probably get voicemail.
Emily, the Gender Services Navigator will call you back eventually. Played some phone tag so it took about a week before I talked to her.
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Thanks for the heads up!
New pic for my weight loss plan
Today
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190516/0ae2336883a34816eb41f17f6a4ac68d.jpg)
March 27 2019
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190516/ea2da619466d43818deb8a8fd5247bcd.jpg)
July 14 2018
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190516/e3375f5bb87dc5680026887a97584f33.jpg)
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lookin' good Tonya!! I think I've found some of it. Do you want it back?
Quote from: Faith on May 16, 2019, 05:23:36 AM
lookin' good Tonya!! I think I've found some of it. Do you want it back?
Thanks, Faith. I'd take your extra if i could selectively place it.
What you can't see in those pictures is that I still have no butt, which now that I have less gut, means some of my pants and leggings don't fit as well. Hoping to drop about 10 more pounds before I start putting it back. Hoping to gain some butt and boob fat when I do that.
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Quote from: TonyaW on May 16, 2019, 07:44:39 AM
Thanks, Faith. I'd take your extra if i could selectively place it.
What you can't see in those pictures is that I still have no butt, which now that I have less gut, means some of my pants and leggings don't fit as well. Hoping to drop about 10 more pounds before I start putting it back. Hoping to gain some butt and boob fat when I do that.
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I like your weight loss a lot. I have to do some of it, too. But I am just starting to build a nice butt, and am afraid, I would loose it again like you say you did!
Saw my therapist last night. She said she had my first letter of readiness done but was going to hold on to it for now. She is putting in a referral for me to see someone else in her group for letter 2 and from the info that Dr. Gast gave me, it looks like the second person can sign the same letter if the first is from your primary therapist and they are in the same practice. So right now I'm waiting for a call to set up appointment with the other therapist. Hoping to have letters ready early in June for Dr Gast to submit for insurance coverage. Not going to do happy dance until I have a date scheduled. Need to tell work that I need a month off now. I would like to be able to have that part arranged so I can get on the surgery schedule as soon ad tha insurance says go. Good news there is I'll have enough PTO so I wont miss any paychecks.
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Quote from: Linde on May 16, 2019, 08:06:37 AM
I like your weight loss a lot. I have to do some of it, too. But I am just starting to build a nice butt, and am afraid, I would loose it again like you say you did!
Didn't loose my butt, never had it. My intent is to loose the gut and then get a butt. In theory it should work with the proper hormones putting new fat to the desired areas. My pants and leggings were fitting ok because they were stretching in the front instead of the back. They should fit even better if I'm successful in putting new weight on where I want it.
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Having issues with my front teeth so the smile isn't great but a half way decent picture of me in this dress finally.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190516/0004d7db01d54d5f61bb9bd78522616e.jpg)
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya:Wowzers!!! You look terrific... your figure looks great and nice hair.....
( and you need to make your bed!!) :o :)( ;)
Thank you for sharing.
HUGS,
DanielleQuote from: TonyaW on May 16, 2019, 10:49:57 AM
Having issues with my front teeth so the smile isn't great but a half way decent picture of me in this dress finally.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190516/0004d7db01d54d5f61bb9bd78522616e.jpg)
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Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on May 16, 2019, 11:59:44 AM
@TonyaW
Dear Tonya:
Wowzers!!! You look terrific... your figure looks great and nice hair.....
( and you need to make your bed!!) :o :)( ;)
Thank you for sharing.
HUGS,
Danielle
Thanks and that's as made as the bed usually gets. No drill instructors are trying to bounce quarters on it.
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Quote from: TonyaW on May 16, 2019, 03:12:33 PM
Thanks and that's as made as the bed usually gets. No drill instructors are trying to bounce quarters on it.
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@TonyaW Dear Tonya:Isn't it nice not to have DI's anymore always doing inspections and whipping us into shape and making us have every thing ship-shape?
I did get into the habit of making my bed and cleaning out the kitchen dishes and sink before I leave for work. That way if I have unexpected guests drop in I am not rushing to clean up everything.
..... and please know, and I will say it again,
you look absolutely terrific in the picture you posted !!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on May 16, 2019, 03:19:57 PM
I did get into the habit of making my bed and cleaning out the kitchen dishes and sink before I leave for work. That way if I have unexpected guests drop in I am not rushing to clean up everything.
Well, your drill instructors were actually not well informed what a healthy bed should look like; and they wanted to be your bed looking like this because they were taught, and they wer taught.......
Medical microbiology will tell you that an unmade bed, with the covers all the way folded back for several hours, is a healthy bed. All kinds of pathogens shed by your body overnight love the warms of a bed that is well covered just after the person left it. And they can multiply in that nice and warm atmosphere under the covers.
It is a different game when you fold the covers back and allow the entire bed setup to cool down well below the human body temperature, and leave it his way for a nice amount of time. The pathogens can't multiply and possible health reason are avoided that way!
Go back and tell them that they don't know nothing, and a lot of that! >:-)
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on May 16, 2019, 03:19:57 PM
@TonyaW
Dear Tonya:
Isn't it nice not to have DI's anymore always doing inspections and whipping us into shape and making us have every thing ship-shape?
I did get into the habit of making my bed and cleaning out the kitchen dishes and sink before I leave for work. That way if I have unexpected guests drop in I am not rushing to clean up everything.
..... and please know, and I will say it again, you look absolutely terrific in the picture you posted !!!
Hugs,
Danielle
The only DI I ever had would be my mom. She made us make our beds but not to the bouncing quarters point.
I clean up in the kitchen before I leave the house, at the very least stacking them in sink rack. I hate seeing dirty dishes lying around when it's so easy to hide them in the dishwasher. Not too worried about the rest of the house, no one ever comes over anyway.
Thanks again for the compliment. I like the flare dress partly because you can't see my lack of booty. Hoping that will come when I get to my weight target and put a little fat on.
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