Sure Fire Way To Increase Hips

[Julie Marie]

And you get almost instant results...

Tie a nail apron around your waist.  Insert a hammer inside the nail apron tie.  Make sure it is on the side of the hip you want to expand.  Find some stairs with a solid surface at the bottom.  Walk up two steps.  Make sure you THINK you are on the first step.  Take a step off to the ground (your foot will be expecting to land about 7" lower but it will really be over 14".)  As you fall off the step make sure your hip hits the solid ground square with the hammer underneath your hip.

In a few hours your hip will swell up and you will look ready to give birth.  At least on one side.

I know.  I tried this today and it works!

Warning!  Sprained ankles and wrists may occur!  Possibly even broken bones!  But your hip will definitely be larger!

And if you are up to it, you can do the same thing for the other side.

[Janet_Girl]

OUCH!.  Damn girl.  I want to increase them, not kill them.  Hope you are OK.

[Sabriel Facrin]

False advertisement!
On testing, procedure does increase swelling, but when swelling calms down they seem to be back to normal size!  On repeated testing to try to gradually enlarge them a fracture even occurred!

XD

Seriously though, are you ok? ;.; that sounds really painful!

[~RoadToTrista~]

Ow :3 I would've just bought pads.

[Julie Marie]

Naw, no broken bones, no major sprains.  But it may be a while before I can hip check on my left side during roller derby.  It hurt like hell but I came out pretty okay.  Not bad for a 60 year old broad!

[~RoadToTrista~]

o.O I thought you were like 30.

[V M]

Ouwies!!!   Be careful Julie... Hope it feels better soon

[Silver]

:0 I hope you recover well; that sounds rather painful.

[juliekins]

o.O I thought you were like 30.

Heck, that's what I thought, too! I demand a refund!! 

I was around the corner when this mishap occurred. It seemed to happen so fast. I asked Julie why she didn't call out to me for assistance. You know, "help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" She told me that should would have laid there all day before becoming like an infomercial for senior products.

Maybe it's time I get one of those button thingy's that goes around her neck. You know, the ones where you push the button and the paramedics show up at your front door. 

[heatherrose]

I am glad to hear you are ok.
Got any tips for reducing "linebacker shoulders"?

[heatherrose]

....you push the button and the paramedics show up at your front door. 

Cute paramedics?

[Ms.Behavin]

Oh Ouch!.  Glad nothing was broken.  So now you just have to do the other side eh!  Be safe.

Oh me I just divide my age by two, so I'm 27-1/2 now, sounds lots better least wises to me.

Beni

[Suzy]

Careful, Julie!   

So glad you are OK hun!

HUGS

[justmeinoz]

I think I'll stick to wearing my padded motorcycle leathers for now!

[Devlyn]

Umm, does that come in pill form? I look terrible in black and blue! Hope you feel better, hugs, Tracey

[Lisbeth]

OMFG!!! Please be careful! Procedure is not OSHA approved!

[Sandy]

Julie!

Please be careful! Stupid thing to say *after* you hurt yourself, I know.  But don't opt for doing it on the other side, ok?

Do you have a hammer shaped bruise yet?

-Sandy

[Debra]

LOL girl funny.

On a more serious note though, I hope you're ok!

[Julie Marie]

OMFG!!! Please be careful! Procedure is not OSHA approved!

I'm ten hour OSHA certified and I don't remember anything about this not being approved. 

But I'm okay and thanks everyone for the well wishes.  They make up for the lack of sympathy from Juliekins. 

[juliekins]

But I'm okay and thanks everyone for the well wishes.  They make up for the lack of sympathy from Juliekins. 

She knows it all stems from my jealousy towards her big boobs and nice cleavage.