Hi Danni. I'm sorry for this long response. I know what is happening here.
I really do understand your situation. You were being harrassed, bullied. The intention to personally humiliate you, simply to score points.
Now that you've left, they will spend a short time, wallowing in their victory. Their egos will be feeling good. Eventually they will forget about it and move on. Perhaps, at some later date, mentioning, in passing, that they once had, 'One of those people here'.
All I can say to you is what I eventually realised myself, in almost identical situations. You were on a no win situation. You didn't stand a chance.
By leaving, yes, you handed them a sort of victory, and by them I mean the manager plus, possibly a few of her close cohorts. But I can also say to you, from personal experience, that by trying to hold out, things would never imporve. You would be facing increasing harrassment every day. You would be contiunually hauled up for petty and exagerated matters. All designed to humiliate you.
You see, it was never about your job as such. That manager was quite happy to let you stay there while she had her fun. You were her whipping post. You were the fun at work. the little toy which made her dull life intersting. To demonstrate this, Imagine you had completely caved in and presented as a male. Do you honestly believe that that would have been the end of it? Do you seriously believe that it would never be mentioned, in passing, now and again?
I'm really sorry to sound so depressing and hopeless. But these are the realities. I've been there. Many times. You can hold out the first few times. Gradually, your personality and character get worn down, a bit more, each time, until you become nervous and insecure. You don't sleep. You stomach turns to fire. Your joints ache and you truely look forward to death.
The best advice I can offer is to set your standard, your line in the sand and refuse to cross it. If things get bad again, leave.
Pretty soon, people will be asking you to look at yourself. What is it that you are doing wrong? Why does the whole world, seemingly, have something against you and you are not at fault? The reality is, the whole world doesn't have anything against you at all. But bullies tend to get into top positons. They get there, because they are bullies.
You think you're the only victim. That is how all bullies operate. They make their victims feel completely alone. As if they are the only ones. But they have dozens of victims. Each one believes they are the only one.
There is the old argument that, Victims, look for bullies. A nice argument that makes sense. It also allows everyone, other than the victims, to sit back and not get involved. I have tried, in the past, standing up to bullies, on behalf of others. Big mistake. All you end up doing is moving yourself to the top of the list to be bullied.
Then there is the old chestnut. The greatest contribution from the psychology crowd in the entire 20th century. The excuse to cap all others. Paranoia. Because you think they are against you, you must be paranoid.
Garbage. I've seen paranoa when I worked in long stay mental hospitals. Calling you or I paranoid is like calling us stupid spastics. It is offensive and demonstrates that these people are simply looking for reasons to keep their fingers in their own backsides.
You see, the bullies are in charge. Almost everyone else is either a victim or a potential victim. And the last thing a potential victim wants is to be promoted to victim.
These are the realities of bullies and being bullied.
Ultimately, find some other way to earn a living. In my case I managed to aquire some marketable skills and the certificates to go with them and spend the rest of my working life doing casual work.
