The following is a letter I sent everyone at the Lab from which I had retired the week before. Anyone can feel free to use it as a starting point if they need to write one.
"Dear
This may take a bit to follow, so sit back with a cuppa or a glass of something stronger, and we'll begin. G****.
I have decided to write to those people I have worked with at Path for long enough to regard as a friend, rather than just a work acquaintance . As I may not see some of you for a while I would rather not surprise you when we do eventually catch up.
I would like to stress that leaving Pathology is not connected to this in any way. If the stresses of the Privatisation process, and the changes to the way Specimen Reception is now laid out had not arisen I would have preferred to remain, as I feel the changes I will be making would have been easy to accomplish here.
You will no doubt have noticed significant changes in my appearance over the last year or so. There is a good reason for this. About two years ago I finally started to understand the cause of my ongoing battle with severe Depression that started when I was about thirteen. After a total emotional collapse I started to resolve many long standing issues, by discovering my true self, rather than the person I had been attempting to be for the last 40+ years. For the first time since I was a teenager I can say that I am truly content, and actually like myself warts and all. How others react to me now is for them to decide, however I hope you will wish to remain a friend into the future.
After considerable counselling with a psychiatrist specializing in situations similar to mine I have been diagnosed with a medical condition (not a Psych disorder) which is known as Gender Identity Dysphoria. That is, I have suffered from a profound difference between how I appear, and what my brain sees. Although my outer presentation is male, my brain basically wired as female. There is considerable evidence about this syndrome and I will be more than happy to share any reference material I have.
This is a completely separate issue to sexual orientation, although it is believed that a similar process is involved.
It is basically a foetal brain development variation which cannot be changed. The male foetus reacts to hormones around 14 weeks gestation in an atypical way, with the body changing from the previous default female form, but the brain does not. (all foetus start looking female, males are a mutation!)
As you can imagine once puberty hit things were pretty horrible, as I kept getting mixed messages socially, and ended up spiralling into Depression. At the time I assumed everyone was going through the same thing, and as I didn't have any real way to express what I was feeling, let alone anyone to talk to about it, there didn't seem to be any way out. I knew I wasn't gay for instance, but my feelings for the girls I was at school with didn't quite gel either.
Like many others who have suffered from GID I attempted to overcompensate by engaging in work and activities that stressed masculinity. Unfortunately this only reinforced the feeling that I would be caught out eventually, which was stressful in itself. A vicious circle was set up which just made things worse and eventually I just accepted that I was going to suffer Depression more or less permanently.I had resigned myself to living a life that was less than satisfying, and just going through the motions in the hope that something would eventually turn up but with little hope of success.
Over the last two years I have begun a long process of transition, involving considerable therapy to ensure I was doing the right thing, and hormone therapy to reconfigure my body to match my self image more closely. I have now changed my name and am now officially known as Karen, and as of this week am now living totally as the woman I should always have been.
As I said earlier, I am experiencing new feelings , happiness that I have rarely experienced other than when my children were born or at a few similar times. I hope you will be able to get your head around all this and accept me as Karen in the future, although I guess there is also the chance that some people will say, "wondered when you were going to say so!"
If you would like to chat further at any time feel free.
Karen. "
