Hi Karen,
I wanted to PM you but it doesn't work cause either you have deactivated that or I have somehow no access to this function.
I find this message of yours very important and wanted to ask you if you have written more about that process of yours (of building / rebuilding / discovering your true self-identity).
I believe I have the same issue. I find that I have dismantled to some extent my old identity and I
have no replacement or maybe I have but it is still too shy to come out really.
So, mostly I'm depressed, feel I have no future and I very often just don't know what I want (and maybe also what I feel). I try to let my intuition guide you but I wished I could plan a
day and FEEL that the things I planned resonated with me, that I feel myself inside of them, that I really want to do these things (due to depression I very often feel like doing anything). I am getting treatment at the moment, but I am eager to do my part because it's a slow process with me...
Sometimes I feel compartmentalized.
Sometimes I'm at a shop and I get drawn to some shelf without knowing why and I take some
product and I realize only then that it's something that I like for some reason. Or I'm not sure but I buy it anyways and find out that it's really cool. (This is probably mostly about feminine, cute stuff). I would like to have on my mind what I want and like to a bigger extent... An acquaintance
said she felt I was stumbling through a dark room
looking for the light switch. I haven't talked to her about the gender issue and this stuff here explicitly though.
When doing an imagination excercise where we should imagine a safe I imagined a big double door that was super massive (like those doors protecting the treasure room of banks with millions of dollars of gold inside). Behind the doors was a really really big room, more like one of those "safe houses" where Dagobert Duck of the Ducktales stores his money. So basically I had a feeling that this safe was like an entire "world" almost. And I felt there was a vulnerable being (living) inside, alone. It felt a bit as though it was a small girl. I could really "see" what else was in this big "safe room" though. In this first session about this mental image I put some feminine stuff for the girl inside that she liked and went out again, maybe a nice shirt and some heels..
I can revisit this place in my mind. Sometimes I see the door half open, sometimes sealed off, sometimes it seems the little being has ventured out a bit...
I wish I could learn more about your journey. Maybe I need to post more here in order to get access to user's postings and to PM people on here. Please drop me a line....
It doesn't feel good being me for big parts of my current life. Though I also get a chance to express myself and feel a bit girly and stuff... I am going to a clinic for my depression at the moment. It's from 8-16 during weekdays and we have a bunch of therapy sessions. I feel I have a hard time opening up and haven't yet reached some breakthrough point really...
Cheers,
Me
