Quote from: SarahElls on July 18, 2011, 09:10:55 PM
...and then it was like I could see the light bulb go on in her head and her smile got bigger. I really hate that I notice all this with everybody I talk to, but I read people facial expressions easily which can be a bad thing.
Everything seemed to go okay, but I now never know what to say. I'm growing boobs even that show some now so I think to most I present female now, but there's still those few things that show I used to be male, and it gets very confusing for people in public around me. I just don't know how to handle each situation, and nobody could, but its really making it hard for me to socialize or go into public much yet.
I still don't know which public restroom I should be using, I present MOSTLY female, but somebody paying attention will still clock me, but to go into a male restroom, looking very much like a girl, could be even more problematic, and then I start to panic.
What do you girls/guys do while still in transition and deal with these things. It takes self confidence, but a lot of times it seems the bad experiences can be traumatic enough that you lose your confidence for a while.
I'm started to even get confused trying to explain why I have a male name :s
If I had to show my old ID at a bar or for a job interview or in nay other situation, I prefered the smiling reactions a hell of a lot more than any other
I had a bouncer strike up a conversation about a friend of his who was in "a similar situation" after I handed him my female ID, and a waitress once gave me weird looks until I gave her my ID to order a drink... then she kept smiling at me.
But I'd definitely rather just pass... even if people are friendly about it, it's better to blend in than to be an exhibit...
I do get uncomfortable stares now and then as someone tries to figure me out. This morning I passed an older woman walking a little dog. I was in a wonderful mood, and in this city a lot of people are more than happy to give a hello or good morning to passersby. So I smiled and said hello. She just pinched her lips and looked me up and down and walked by without saying a thing! >.> And another time at my old job as a cashier an older cop-looking guy just scowled at me like he was disgusted with me.
On Saturday I took a cab to the Greyhound station, and the whole time I was naturally giving off my male persona. I wasn't trying to be manly, I was just talking in my lower, now-natural voice (I'm pre-T). At one point, he asked "so, girl, where are you off to this weekend?" and suddenly I just went cold. He'd thought I was a chick the whole time even though in my mind I'd been passing. I suddenly got really embarrassed, assuming he probably thought I was one manly looking bulldyke. But then I just shrugged it off. He clearly had no problem with the way I spoke, dressed, or looked and while I don't identify as a lesbian, there sure as hell shouldn't be any shame in people assuming that's what I am. If they don't pick up my male identity, they're probably going to make the next most-likely assumption about me.
Washrooms are terrifying. I'd definitely recommend the women's - if you're ever going to encounter any kind of washroom-based discrimination, the women's is your safest bet and it is the one you'd probably prefer to use anyway. When I use the men's I just walk in, make no eye contact and go straight to doing my thing and leaving... just act natural. In the woman's, it's more acceptable to take your time, relax, look in the mirror and touch up your make up or hair. Chin up, shoulders relaxed, and even if you're feeling anxious, you will look like you're comfortable being there and have been in similar places thousands of times.
I do agree with Stephe that ten minute touch-ups and washroom socializing is a little over the top but I do recall high school lunch hours, when my female riends and I would spend a good twenty minutes in the washroom just going on about nothing and fiddling with our face paint. There are times a chick might say to another, "ooh, I love your top!" and they might strike up a conversation but I wouldn't go for such a compliment yet. If it happens to you, it's a sign you're fitting in. But I read a suggestion somewhere that complimenting another woman's handbag or top is a good way to pass in the washroom - I would hold off on such comments until you're completely comfortable and pass the majority of the time. Also - don't do it if it's not something you'd normally be interested in talking about. It is a stereotypical comment to assume that, just because you are a transwomen, you must automatically be obsessed about fashion.
